to float in the sea of your sorrow
is to learn how to swim
when all I want is to sink
without a care in the world

your sorrow is like a dark day in summer
so unusual, but at the same time
full of hope

so I am sorry to disappoint you
but I think I am finally starting to drown

sometimes I remember the times we spent together
how we would laugh and talk about a million stuff, and you'd subtly flirt with me
as if you were scared to be more foward
and receive a no (I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough)

I remember when you'd give me the time of the day (now you spend more time looking at the phone)
we'd go to the movies and you'd hold my hand the whole time
(I'm sorry I didn't hold yours back)

at the same time, I'm not that sorry, you know?
it was all so new to me and I liked commitment ( I still do)
I kinda regret kissing you, actually
after that you really started pulling away (it started when I was away)

in some ways I think I get it
you were protecting yourself (if I meant something to you, that is) and trying to find new friends
but you made me feel like a trophy, like a ******* number in your list of conquests

I'm still trying to let go of you (you were one of my best friends, after all)
I'm still trying to fight the impulse of inviting you to everything
I still miss you
but *******

I am so focused on possible consequences
that I stop living
and start worrying instead

We flirted back and fort
and we teased each other a lot
But then you found someone else
who, besides flirting
would also kiss and cuddle with you
in a way that I could not
And it is not that I am jealous of her
I just wish I had someone too

They said to us
That friends come and go
But family is forever
But what do I do,
What should I be feeling
When the ones who were supposed
To be only "friends"
Became more like a family
Than my own

They said blood is thicker than water
"So don't get attached"
What they didn't say
Was that it would hurt this much

I am the kind of person
who's always been afraid of losing themselves.
But I wouldn't mind losing myself
in the curls of your hair
when you wake up.
In the curves of your body
when we make sweet, tasty love.
In the middle of your bed
when we don't talk at all
but it feels like we said everything
we needed to.
And in the beauty of your mind
that continues to ******* away
even after all this time.

Your body next to mine,
all sweaty and comfortable
in all the right and wrong places,
reminds me of a time
not long ago
when this would have felt like Heaven
The problem is that,
after everything,
it still does

The rain stained windows
looks so beautiful
yet so heartbreaking
like a touch is enough to make them shatter

As I look at the trees
with my coffee and cigarette in hands
I think about you
and how
when I felt somber
you would hug me
and kiss my neck.
I miss you
I miss you so bad it hurts

And in the morning
when I remember the promise I made myself
to not think about you anymore
I will look at the window again
and think
about how beautiful
yet heartbreaking
is the fact
that the rain washed everything away
just like you did
with us

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
Saying it a million times
won't change the fact that you are
a millions of miles way
from me

I look around in the street
while I drink your favorite coffee
and I think that you would like here
that you would tease me
about my hair
about my clothes
and about my "clicheness"
all while you looked at me
with your bright, round eyes
that made me fall in love with you
in the first place

But you are not here

I miss you