as i lay me down to sin,
   i pray, dear Lord, forgive me when
all the guilt starts pushing through, and
   i finally stop forsaking You.
and if i die before i rise,
   i pray, oh Lord, You'll wipe my eyes
and guide me home through heaven's door,
   and keep me there forever more.

I can't get high
when you're stuck on the ground,
I can't sing a note
when you don't make a sound.

I can't let out a laugh
when I don't see you smile,
I can't move an inch
when you're counting the miles.

I can't play our game
when you're lost in your head,
I can't stay awake
when you're ready for bed.

I can't inhale the air
when you breathe in my ear,
I can't exhale in rhythm
when your body is near.

I can't let you go
when I wish that I could,
I can't say goodnight
when I know that I should.

I can't erase memories
when you're burned in my mind,
I can't sleep tonight
when there's no rest to find.

I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you.
But the problem is,
*I can't.

Right about now,
The thought of you makes me tremble,
I crave the melody strung in your voice.
My focus is extinct,
Memories flash at frustrating intervals,
and all I want is what
I can't have.

Won't you come pick me up?
We'll drive through the night,
listening to any number of mix tapes
with reoccurring themes,
effortlessly talking about our lives
and the addictions we share.

Won't you come pick me up?
We can promise ourselves
mercy in the morning,
and I know one of us will reassure that
we've somehow progressed.

Won't you come pick me up?
I long for the intoxication you bring,
the liberation from trying so hard
to forget what has happened,
the adventure and thrill
we create.

Won't you come pick me up?

We go through the cycle,
exhausting ourselves with apologies over
feelings we're not supposed to have.

We numbly pick up the sharp, jagged
pieces of our broken hearts
and mindlessly wipe up the blood.

We inhale and take in the aroma
of one another, a haunting scent
reminding us how to feel.

And we share all the torn, tattered pieces
of our disasterous days, because facing
them together reminds us it's real.

We push the boundary,
we cross the line.
We take a punch to the gut and a stab to the heart
one more time.

This masochistic charade,
a constant temptation
to get high on sensation,
forever plaguing our fragile hearts and feeble minds.

Soft kiss,
smile,
touch,
repeat.

Soft kiss,
smile,
touch,
repeat.

And all at once, all hopes of control were lost
in the fire of their eyes.
So with a lick of the lips and
hands gripped onto hips,
they held on to love for dear life.

But there's no place for passion
in a world such as this,
she cries,
wipes her eyes,
and admits defeat
again.

Monotony is what we strive to maintain.
Passion is something you learn to restrain.
Rules are the promise of bringing you gain.
All these words - ingrained, ingrained.

Lather,
rinse,
repeat.

Lather,
rinse,
repeat.

To be
the lines and rhymes of your poetry,
the lyrics and melodies of your songs,
the thoughts that keep you up at night,
the one by you at dawn,
the head on your shoulder,
the hand in your hand,
the face in your picture,
the one you can't stand
   to be without
is all too much to be.

Save
your words for a literary mind,
your songs for ready ears,
your hopes and dreams for the one to share
   them with you through the years,
your body for her,
your heart for her,
your mind for her,
your all for her.

Save them for your future to-be.
*Don't waste them all on me.

The sunlight filters through the blinds,
arms stretch out and then retreat.
Pull the covers back overhead
and bury myself beneath.

Slam the alarm down one more time,
rub my eyes, then curl my toes.
Pull my pillow closer now,
nowhere motivating enough to go.

Stare at the wall and its boring, beige face;
Getting up would be better than this.
Fumble my way down the hall to the shower,
hot water pours out with a hiss.

Get dressed for the day with a frown on my face,
staring longingly at my bed.
About fifteen hours of day to endure,
until right back here, I'll head.