i'm staring at a blank screen
with the last vestiges of his voicemail
fade away in the stale air
i hear the voice of the automatic operator
more than i hear his
i've been stuck in the land of dreams
unable to face reality
but now that i've escaped
i can't find it any better
he smashed my heart
and i gathered what was left
put it in a cage, wrapped a curtain around
to remind myself to never again
i don't know how to love
i only know how to hurt
and so i hurt myself
lighting my soul aflame
and creating a wildfire of destruction.

these fries are too salty
they dry out my mouth
but i still eat them
despite their detriment to my health

these fries are too salty
but they remind me of you
back when we came to this place
together, just us two

these fries are too salty
and so are my tears
i miss you my love
but it's been years

these fries are too salty
they're the opposite of your voice
it used to be sweet
and became my comfort noise

these fries are too salty
and i'll continue thinking
but because of you i'll keep eating
it's because of you i keep sinking.

discarded instant ramen bowls
left airing in the dark
sitting next to sprite bottles
devoid of their fizzy carbonation
clothes heaped on the floor
collecting dust with homework papers
the glowing screen of the computer the only light to be seen
a figure
matted hair, dark circles under their eyes
so used to their own scent they do not realize their stench
abandoning everything besides their computer
their fingers tap quickly on the keyboard
but their eyes are dead and void
they have lost their path
they cannot find their way.

his heart is porcelain
his heart is filled with love
(his heart is full of tiny cracks
his heart is silenced above)

his lips are soft and comfy
his lips are filled with passion
(his lips are being sewn shut
his lips are cold and ashen)

his eyes are warm and dreamy
his eyes are filled with happiness
(his eyes are hollowed out and hungry
his eyes are blank and cavernous)

thank you for taking care of him!
he looks so full of joy
(what have you done to him?
my sweet band-aid boy
my love, my friend, my aid
his life has gone to shatters
his soul is shut and frayed)

i'll see you off, little girl
i'll pat you on the head
(bring back my band-aid boy
you filled him with such dread
bring back my band-aid boy
you killed him and left him dead)

i got tinder.
why?
i wanted to see if people
would find me attractive.
why?
i wanted self-validation.
why?
i constantly doubt myself.
why?
my consciousness is ingrained with past demons, and if i can't disrupt them through this menial thing like a dating app, then maybe i'm worth about as much as they say.
why?
i want to be ******* just so i can have a conversation with someone i feel some power over.
why?
i want to be in charge of something for once. i want to be sure of something for once.
why?
because i'm falling apart.

clumsily,
falling,
we tangle ourselves onto the bed

happily,
giggling,
we wrap ourselves into each other

stuttering,
blushing,
we meet somewhere in the middle.

it's spooky time
i'm old enough to not go out
to not dance with the witches
to not consort with the ghosts
but as fall's ****** approaches
and the cursed superstitions rage
i call upon the devil's day
i speak with satan's servants
i laugh at those who pray
my heart is filled with mischief
and as the night becomes tinted in black and purple
i light it up with flames
i becomes the night's mistress.