Don't tell me to just listen
when I've already listened enough
Don't tell me to just smile
when I'm already acting tough
Don't tell me to stop crying
and to rub the tears away
Don't tell me that it'll be alright
just to deal with my emotions for one less day
I didn't tell you just to listen,
when you were sad and spoke your mind
When words were pouring out of your mouth
I opened my ears and my eyes
Listening and speaking; it is a bittersweet gold
Our mind only lets us speak what others' hearts can only hold.

It's been a while
And I've grown quite numb
To the opinions of my peers
And the attributes would succumb
Only to settle on happiness or joy
Why must a girl sacrifice, explain herself, justify who she is..
For the right to love a boy?

And to the parents who make me feel like a burden,
Each time they complain about my existence in this gloomy house; its a knife to my stomach
You see, I've grown tired of crying off the stress
Since when was my life a giant web of a mess?
I've learned many things from people I wanted to surround myself with
now all I know is that love is setting fire to a built bridge

And yet...
Here I am, a page away from a new chapter
Here comes the autumn, and what comes after
Here comes college, two years; too long of a wait
Here comes new memories to make the bad ones fade away

For far too long I studied my attic
Studying the architecture;
The beams making a perfect gallows-like feature

I took a long flight out to Colorado to escape the demons and find inner peace
But sometimes these demons still follow me...

Like a ******* addict needs a quick fix,
I need constant fixes of happiness
The search never ends; for things to pass the time
The search never ends; for distractions that keep me from pulling out this hair of mine
Though I look for things to do;
Painting, reading, music, what ever I choose..
I have become numb and less motivated
Numb, with lack of motivation
A poisonous pair of walking shoes
A painful pair of walking shoes
In due time,
Give me the strength to pick a compass over a noose

My skin is white, like porcelain,
soft and fragile to the touch
A blank canvas, so clean and innocent
one would think such beauty is enough
But when I listen to the most inspiring music
I hear piano and the lyrics, the words become my skin
And so I look to my body,
thinking of where I can begin
May my body become the book of a Poet
as I listen to the words as they become inked on my skin
Such beauty is sacrificed for another beauty;
Beautiful words instead of smooth porcelain
And although you may never know it,
I embrace my new skin-bound talisman
Every cursive line
will follow me to my death
Every lyric
will never fail to steal my breath
May the music become my skin; may music become my skin

Prometheus
Do you regret sharing your love?
Do you regret anything at all?
Do you feel you have done enough?
I see you in chains
As a victim, you are what the eagles have claimed
Prometheus,
Has anyone ever thanked you?
We're too busy blaming ourselves for our sins
We've forgotten all about you
How ungrateful, we've become
We belittle the great things we have done
Our accomplishments have suddenly turned into sins
And the light you gave us is slowly turning dim
But I will grow this fire into a beacon
And call the Eagles home
I thank you, Prometheus
For making our voices known

Here's to another decade
Of my life that is about to begin
A new slate, a fresh start
Let the years wash away my sins
Like water, I can age
But I'll never lose my form
Like a larvae grows into a beautiful moth
My soul shall be reborn
Do not mind those around you
Who are already on their way....,
To getting married and expecting their first born child
Do not rush it, because even that will be you, too, someday
So be 20 and enjoy it, you'll be in your 20s for only a decade
And blow out your 20 candles
Because 20 will become 100 one of these days.

My curiosity is often mistaken for stupidity
My stupidity is often misplaced with biased thoughts
The biased thoughts shoved into our heads are often placed there by our religious fathers
Our religious fathers lack curiousity
And so the cycle continues.

Theirs fangs tower over their tongues
Their eyes could pierce your skin
A devilish smile disguised as a grin
They roam the island, after eight generations of living peacefully
They were dropped off by ships
To run and howl freely
Their numbers had dropped so low,
Man decided they needed a new place to go
But they didn't realize that the day they released the wolves from their crates
The sea captain, a widower's, three year old daughter escaped
The ship left without her,
The captain lived in dis pair
But the young princess knew she was in good care
But one day a prince would come,
He lived a sheltered life, and Crane Island was his new home
He fell in love with the girl raised by wolves
He learned their language
And forever, became one.

Persephathena-
Two Greek goddesses as one
Persephone and Athena..
One is power and the will to fight, one is regrowth and beauty of the sun
One conquers, one lives in the flowery meadows
One embraces wisdom..the other compliments Hade's shadows
Persephathena
Two traits come into one being
Opposites, alike, into one heart that's beating.

Here it goes,
sudden change
It ought to be expected
since life never stays the same
I've tried and I've failed,
and I've tried and I've succeeded
I've had words to speak my mind with,
and some words have been kept as secrets
I've been both inspired and discouraged
by dreams and the reality of expectations
I've seen beauty and beautiful flaws
and I have a habit of setting foot
in places I've been before
In a constant rut,
I guess all I want is a life worth something more
Time to move on,
embrace the changes as they appear
It's time to dig, scratch, step and climb my way out
Before time passes me 100 years

Like a shell needs its host
To travel the world
Like color exists in the iris of a soul
I needed you the most
Like thorns cling to a rose to protect her from harm
Like a beach needs a shore
To welcome the sea with the land's charm
I need you
I need you
And life continues on
I climb every step, trying on my own
I see the signs
I feel you are close
But in my life, you've moved on
Now you're just a ghost

Daniel,
Our love is over
But Daniel,
Our love has never died
Is it possible to **** something
That has never lived inside?
You adore the steel of an engine's body
And I adore the steel of one's veins
We have our differences,
Too many to fix
And so I never bothered to complain
But that silence grew and grew inside me
Until honesty opened wide
You've helped me learn more about myself
And who I am inside
So I've grown to be expressive
And crave-full of a certain type
For two years I've owed my heart to you
Two years, of wasted time.

Pear wine
I received from a woman yesterday
She put it in a bottle,
For two years it was saved away
I stopped at her door,
To ask about the bed frame she had advertised
I saw it in her cellar,
Accompanied by homemade wine
I put a fifty dollar deposit down on the oak wood bed frame, foot, and head
I offered her more money, she gave me the bottle instead
That night I drank pear wine
And raised a glass for that loving neighbor
Who gave me pear wine when I offered more money for a bed frame
Greed cannot live in loving favors

Dear
cup of chai tea,
Oh, how you comfort me
On a rainy day when all is grey
Your warmth and aromas,
Can liberate and free
Cinnamon swirls and vanilla
On my taste buds
You make my senses come alive
Depression and sadness is easily cured
With a warm cup of chai

With the coming rain
It seems to wash away
All our doings,
All our crimes,
Giving back a sunny day
The water washes away the dirt on our skin
It washes away everything
In a grey and lonesome process
So we can begin again

I'm a terrible person
For letting you follow me
I'm a terrible person
And you still have yet to see
My mind swims in cycles
Seasons always change
And when the summer comes
My heart won't be the same

I'm going to be an animal of the night
Who releases her mind; with drink
I'm going to release my most uptight battles
By relieving my needs inbetween stranger's sheets
And by fall, come more change,
I will be changed, too.

I can't help but imagine
What it feels like to be monogamous
Unfortunately for me,
My loyalty is infamous
I swim in circles between lovers,
If I could, I would mend them all
And create a morphed partner
But I can't have one world,
I like them all,
From the artisans, to the country folk
Short, big, thin and toned or tall
I'm a wreck at my best, with that there's no doubt
I guess I'll just keep going,
Time will figure it all out

I see us on a stage, singing songs from the heart
But this vision is not from memory,
Only a wish from where those songs could be sung from
Like birds, we rest on such skinny legs
It's amazing how breakable we could be if we put pressure on them
But if we fly, if we soar, and lift from the ground..
Those so-fragile legs will never break or be bound
Some people want to live like birds,
They want to soar, fly, and glide...
But if you're too busy flying and looking down...
You can't enjoy the sun's setting or rise.

Open your eyes, little one,
And enjoy the smell of the air
Your floppy ears wiggle,
Your clumsy body is covered in hair
I never thought I'd fall in love with a boxer's wrinkles
But I love them more and more each day, and how your eyes twinkle!
You growl and play and sleep in my arms
You'll grow and run and only to shoes, show merciless harm
I look at you and see a future within,
Best of all, little Maverick,
You remind me that life is truly something.

I am a broken bow,
Only my arrows truly know,
Like memories, they've aimed to where I've been
Like darts to the sky,
My memories are my only kin
To love is to lose and sacrifice so much..
We put aside the ones we love
So we can give our all to that one, picked lover
And give up on our feelings for another
I am a broken bow, my arches once knew innocence...
Now I am a dusty slingshot that can no longer hold promises.

I'm going to binge on writing poems right before bed
I've got work at 7am tomorrow, and it's already 1am
Depressing thoughts characterized into demons and monsters in the shadows
Sometimes these thoughts
Can hang over you just like a gallows
Sleep, rest your eyes, blast Sleeping At Last
Let the music take you away from your evil past
Forget the person you were, and respect that the others will always remember
Forgive yourself,
Don't ignite the soon, dying embers
Sleep, forget..
Sleep and forgive
Because the worst part about it is,
You're forgetting how to live

I met you as a stranger,
In a way you still don't know me
But our love is still strong,
Or at least it's convincing
I'm in love with you
I adore you
I want to have your babies
I'm just having to settle on the doubts and the maybe's
What is life worth living if the future is planned out?
I've burned my bridges, even betrayed friends ..so we could work out
But you'll never know the sacrifices I make
Just to keep you happy,
Just for your sake
A woman's heart is full of secrets,
Too secret to relieve
After holding them in for so long,
Can you blame a woman for wanting to suddenly drop everything and leave?

I hate this confusion
I just need time
My love, we are soul mates but it doesn't mean you're mine
It's complicated and messy
And people feel used
But at least we share an intimacy
That others can't relate to
We stay friends, we get along,
We have a title.. We fight
Why can't we be like the others?
Make love, and call it a night?
A night that turns into a new sunrise,
Where you'll still be mine?
But not in this time, not in this life
When you were drunk, passed out on the floor,
someone told me you'd never be ready for this... For something more
But maybe I'm paranoid?
Maybe I'm the one that has no clue?
Because I think you're talking to me, but you could really be longing for someone new.

I hold the mouth of a lion,
Unafraid of his teeth..
When he whimpers back into submission,
I will be his queen
Spring has sprung and flowers bloom,
The year's little infinity has begun,
When summer memories permanently mark our hearts..
Under the warmth of the sun
And the lion's mouth I will still pry open,
As I learn about who I am,
Aye, maybe the sun is a lion,
His Rays, his golden mane,
And I am just his lamb.

If I were lost,
I'd write a farewell note
A letter to each person before boarding onto my journey
If I were lost, I'd gather my belongings and assign them to loved ones
If I were lost, I'd purchase rope
I'd learn to tie a noose
If I were lost, I'd purchase the finest blades
And buy a painting of a sunset of some destination I'll never go to in this life
And place that painting near my bathtub where my last breaths will be
So that I can leave this world and be lost in another....
But I'm not lost.
I'm just a navigator in something new.
And this, too, shall pass.

My heart is a withered rose
Tainted, yet beautiful at its most
In these deep poisoned veins of its colorful petals
it seems to lack its most thickest metals
Once in a while, another petal falls to the ground
and inside me, another part of me dies without a sound
no tears, no thorns, no leaves, just dark red veins
petal after petal,
petal after petal
until I've shed everything down to a cold, numb hateful fist.

I found you,
I loved you,
now I am numb
I made love to you,
I shared my world with you,
but now, what we have is so cumbersome
I found you,
I loved you,
but with each kiss I lost a part of me
I kissed you,
I embraced you,
but now I'm a deteriorated personality
The easy way out is to stay with you,
to lose you would be exile from half of my family
Stay with you, live a life not of my own...too simple?
I refuse to stay with you, in this cumbersome middle

Peoples' hearts get stolen all the time
kidnapped lovers, a legal crime..
the answer of a triangle,
a geometrical shape..now turned into just a line
I wonder if the erase marks from the missing points will heal
A favorite musician of mine once said
"Time doesn't heal, no.. not at all",
Time, its truth won't conceal.

I called you into the sea
so you can swim under the stars with me
In the water we swim,
skin on skin
My love, I'm afraid I've devoured you whole
You're in my clenched jaw now
You're unaware of my teeth
Can you tell me how?
How do you not know?
I'm a parasitic, heart throb..
The darkest part of me,
is where my life went wrong.

What is reminiscing?
Is it thoughtful, memory-filled wishing?
Is it toxic to one's mind?
Is it safe-zoned distancing?
Two paths to look upon..
one of the past, one of the future
Both with pointed signs
Can't the two just blend,
and make everyone happy, in this world of mine?

What is reminiscing?
Is it a fatal, mind-boggling blow?
To me, it's daydreaming of the past..
and imagining yourself with the things you still don't quite know

it's 6:30 in the morning,
I know you are asleep
I'm headed off to work,
another day's pay, to keep
I dreamed of you last night, and the night before
as I lay next to him...now, he's a stranger at my door
Memories of vanilla steam come in and out of my head
When the day is done, I come back home,
to a stranger in my bed.
Vanilla steam, strawberries and cream,
that once lingered in a kiss
orange popsicle-memory on my tongue,
what simple joys, I miss.

Here I stand,
A jester of different kingdoms
I'll be best to cut off my own ears,
and seek my own wisdom
He tells me the past is the past,
there's no looking back
But what I feel is much different,
Maybe I'd be best to pack
Yet, leaving for the unknown,
would promise me certain exile
Exile from my family,
but would it be worth the while?
To seek the new king of my life,
but of the kingdom I once called home
Here I stand, should I walk on?
Can I juggle the unknown?
I see my king cry as I leave these castle steps..
oh, how he changed the laws for me!
Can I cut of my own ears? My hands? My tongue?
My heart is juggled by a guillotine

Here I am, dancing in the wind
I've got this mental journal in my head
it's filled with lines of sonnets and verse
The only thing I love to write about
is time being turned in reverse
Creativity is like a jungle cat
She comes and goes as she may please
and well, that is that
Creativity is a near ghoul in my mind
she disappears, comes and goes,
lately she hasn't been so kind
Because Creativity is a relentless ghost, she is
She creates and destroys,
envies, and produces
She tosses and turns,
her results are invisibly inconclusive
because she is so fluid-like
She seldomly hides
or at least to others
I call her name,
it's just her game
"Red Rover, Red Rover!" I call to her,
"C'mon, come out, Creativity!"
But during the day she always sleeps
And at night,
well at night,
she plays.

Looking at pictures,
stuck in time..
A virtual world,
when the world was mine
Responsibilities change,
people do too
Roles bend and break,
and priorities bloom
Why do I put myself in a timeline,
of structure and concrete?
Since when was my happiness the last errand to complete?
Still, I go..
to juggle what fragile time I have
between the people that matter most to me
Balance work, love, friends, my own time and family
I just want to know that what ever decisions I choose..
that the sacrifices I give to be happy...
aren't the people I'd feel great agony to lose.

You may see a hat,
but you don't see the bruises underneath
You may see a smile,
yet you don't see the scars on my inside cheek
I've had a habit of biting my tongue
I blame it on being too young,
and I don't know what anything really is

Everyday is a wake up call
Everything I say is another way to fall
Everything, everywhere, everyone..
I'm so envious of that word "every".

"Just smile!" He told me.... "You're pretty", He tells me..
So I smile, and accept the fact that he'll never know the real me..
Hold your tongue, hold your breath,
make yourself believe that you love him to death
Bite my tongue, clench my teeth...
After all, it's just a little blood on my inside cheek.

My mind is stuck in this middle ground
it's stuck in a fragment of wasted time
Digestible, but still too big for this tiny heart of mine
They tell me I've got a big heart, bright and warm it is..
but my secret life is my private life and it's not for the public
because I...
never know when I'll do something stupid
I never know when I'll change my mind
if happiness is worth all this confusion,
then I don't want him to be mine
if family is stronger than gold
if blood is always thicker than water
then I don't want to be my next victim,
I don't want to be Love's daughter

Yet I know I'm always going to want him
his style, his smile, it's worth every penny of throwing everything away
His soul and his mind make me crave everything
everything he has..
Yet here I am, just a caged bird,
I sing the only song that only my captor holds
He spoils me, with everything he has
except the rolling green hills and the blue skies that Juden has

And if all this confusion is worth all this pain,
I don't want to be blamed for being the cause of this game
I only want to hear Juden's laughter
even if it means I'm not Love's daughter

I hate this.
This constant wandering, like jumping over sides
but the only steps I'm moving are the feet in my mind
Asking, "Am I happy?", "Is this what, WHO, I want to BE?"
Then I remember, at least I'm always going to be me..
Who you're with, does that defy you?
Does your individualism go away?
Sacrifices are necessary,
but will they remember me or my name?
I'm artistic, poetic, I crave ink on paper and metaphoric songs in the sun
I am not some princess, or that "country girl" who can always use a gun
I may laugh and follow you through this life, us..as a team,
but darling, my rifle is my paintbrush..my canvas, my trophy.

You see me the way I am,
soft skin and unclothed
I may be imperfect but the lacy silks give me a better glow
I see you the way you are,
bare skin and muscles toned
Under these sheets of sorrow
we often forget who fell.. in love. with. who..... first.

After what we just did I can't feel anything but my heartbeat
You lay your head on my chest and I'm brushing your cheek
Your hair is entangled on my lips, are those scratches on your back?
You looked like you hugged a lion, sorry dear, I never meant to do that..

But when it comes down to being naked,
it's not only about taking off clothes
It's looking into each other's eyes
and seeing our own breathing, ticking souls..
well..
Looking into your soul is like looking at a cameo
dancing on a chain in my hand,
The silhouette then dances on a pendant,
beautiful and illusive,
shadowy transcendence..

Just hold me like a fragile cameo
I hope you learn more about me
by looking into my eyes than what these sheets say,
they often can tell lies
Just imagine us in a fragile cameo
Silhouettes of people, in love but never seen or known
Just a cameo.

I'm applying foundation on my face
though my skin isn't a house it puts everything in its place
Now I'm applying eyeliner to my eyes
'cause hiding the fear isn't easy without these bold black lines
And they break and they drain down my cheek with each tear
so much for those hidden fears

Blush can't hide my un-liveliness,
Gloss alone won't give me that fatal kiss
The one that's toxic, it's toxic to a blow
but at least my lips will have a gentle glow

And I pull, and I pluck the hairs
And I apply, and I powder the tears
And I tweeze, so I can please
And I apply. And I apply.

It's just a little makeup, she said.
A little touch up never hurt anyone, did it?

You hide my face, you hide my face.
But I'm a prisoner behind this mask,
and that's all it really takes.

Now I'm applying eyeliner to my eyes..
cause I can't go on throughout my day without these bold black lines.

He knows it when I'm tired,
he never bothers to ask
I always lay my head in the crease of his chest,
and I fall asleep fast
His fingers swipe my hair away from my face,
while my eyes remain closed..I drift away to a dreaming state
I hear his voice, playful whispering in my ear...
I speak up, sleepy, "What did you say, dear?",
No.
Wake up!
The TV is still on, the clock ticks midnight....
but his arms...where did they go?
Look at the picture frame on the wall,
see his face with the words "In Loving Memory...",

...."I have to let you go."

At first it seems like you're almost there..
the place or goal you've worked ******* all year
Then you trip or stumble on something so minuscule
Like one less dollar on your paycheck or something more critical
"If I had only done this.." You mumble in your breath
You blame yourself for your own dream's death
You dig and you dig until you're across the seas
Seems like the hole you're in is just plain too deep
No matter how many times you get told to "take baby steps"
Some days... You don't give a **** about yourself or the rest.
Dig and dig more until you almost see Hell's fire,
you're digging without trying, this was never your desire
At this moment, pretty much, you're just sinking in...
and this is when you question,
"Which wolf in me will win?"

I miss the simplicity of reading notes
that would melt me into someone new
I miss our afternoon walks
I miss being next to you
In my mind we are cuddling,
I steal a kiss from your cheek
I run my fingers through your hair,
We nudge at each others' feet
In my mind we are kissing under purple candlelight,
In my mind,we are sighing from content and delight
In my mind there are scenarios,
much different than what there is now
I'm already next to you, you see,
but it's too late to show you how.

My demons, they are loud
but start out soft in my mind
More and more they grow,
their voices become my crimes
"You want it", they whisper,
"You need it", they scream
But I am just their user, their host in my dream
I sit back and laugh at them,
"You think you have a hold on me?
Old habits die hard, but the effort is worth being free!"

"Silly girl,", they snap, like wolves that show their teeth,
"you treat us like we're an enemy, but only you hold the key."
And so I embrace them, like old friends that sit around a fire,
"I'm listening," I tell them, "what is it you desire?"
"We only wish to be heard, not feared, although it seems,
as if we are evil..but evil exists in everything.
You have temptations, aye, that is our fault.
You lack concentration, you'll be taught
"You see, silly girl," They tell me, "ugly we may be-..but the only way to face us, is to embrace our chaotic company."