It wasn't a battle if wits
It was two people observing
The same structure,
                                   Differently
Like an abstract blot chart
You saw a web, but I saw a tree
you saw getting caught,
And I only saw growth
Your heart was timid
Like a shaking windmill to a hurricane
My heart was ready to take oath

Your projected manifestations
Burned holes in my head
Making me question
My own worth instead
It warped my reality
Of the timelined events
And now all I've known feels
Twisted

And its hard to look at the stars now,
And not think of your eyes
You have freckles inside your irises
Constellations better than the sunrise
Your shoulders were mountains I loved to climb
Perhaps I climbed too high and was too exposed to the cold
Contagious dialogues,
Viruses for the soul

And now I grieve as I
Shake off the snow.

Our bittersweet glances
Grew into a murderous silence
My heart has never known sour,
Never known such violence
As you dropped the bomb,
The nuclear tear
Oh, my love- I was simply unaware

Maybe it was pressure,
But I never glanced at its gage
I simply knew that I loved you and
That it was enough to make your heart stay
To know loving arms,
When your world was a storming sea
Despite my own adversities

Like an earthquake it rattled,
Like how diamonds need pressure in the rough

No, it wasn't my love that wasn't enough

Walking through a sunflower patch
Reminds me of Van Gogh
A starry eyed man who saw his world
Painted in rich yellow
And as often as I greet their petals,
Mustard and gold,
I can't help but wonder of this life
So beautiful and bold

And as I grasp these flowers in the palm of my hand
I will also grasp this life

So sick of seeing pictures of all the places
I want to see with my own eyes
I want to see redwood sequoias, gentle giants
Utah mountains and pink African skies
But of all the memories I swear to myself that I will make
To feed the insatiable wanderlust of my soul
I want to share all the sights with you
Adventurous lover,
And I know my heart will be whole

I don't paint my fingernails right before our visits anymore
I don't rush the brushstrokes
I don't worry about the paint drying in time
Afraid that you'll see the truth
Gnawed,
Ripped,
bitten nails
A shadow of anxiety
A shadow of what's inside me

And you see me
My flaws
My weaknesses
Yet you call it beauty
Polish or no polish
You still kiss the palms of my hands
And my soul knows it's home

The freckles in his eyes remind me of constellations at dusk
Who knew such constellations could exist?
So subtle, yet so outstanding
That when the sun hits them
His eyes of honey reveal the spots I want to exist inside of

Like stardust to a nebula
Like a caterpillar to a chrysalis
A diamond inside amethyst
Cold air inside a hollow metal pole  
I want to be engulfed
And our two souls,
Whole

Inside his eyes of honey
Where constellations glisten in twilight

I refuse to become the product of my parents
A sold idea that
Love expires
Like curdled milk
That love is a stone that you toss across a lake
Become amused by a few skips
before you find a new stone
so the sunken one is replaced

I refuse to follow the same path
The same torture
And mistakes

When the vows are said
The wedding night made
The promises meant to be kept
Will be taken to the grave
And that's it. That's that.
Like a shopping list simply cross
Divorce off as a choice and buy something else. Anything else.

Because love is not perishable.
Love is not an expired product.