Feeling
Everything.
Always
Running.
Forever
Unsure.
Life.

Inhale, feel the sadness.
Exhale, let go of the sadness.

Inhale, feel the pain of not being able to help someone you love.
Exhale, let go of the pain.

Inhale, feel the confusion of not knowing the right thing to do.
Exhale, let go of the confusion.

Inhale, feel the crushing fear of rejection and abandonment.
Exhale, let go of the fear.

Inhale, feeling all the things.
Exhale, letting them go.

Nothing left but emptiness.
What do I want now?
To drift into the darkness, floating on your beautiful voice.
Lead me with your words into the quiet, numb darkness.

Sitting at your feet, waiting for attention.
Being the best girl I can be, striving for perfection.

When you glance down and smile, my body buzzes with joy.
I yearn to be used, touched, played with like a toy.

I submit myself to your hand with absolute trust.
Just a look can cause my spirit to soar high or be crushed.

When your gaze slides past me, unseeing, disconnected.
I feel empty, abandoned, completely rejected.

So I sit at your feet and wait for attention.
Longing for approval, hoping for affection.

I wish I could reach out and hold your hand. Wish connecting with me didn’t feel like a demand.

Wish my heart didn’t break every time you pulled away.  Wish that I could just believe that it’s gonna be okay.

Wish we weren’t so mismatched in this way.

Wish I didn’t feel rejected when you only need some space.  Wish my mind would stop screaming that I’ll never be safe.

Wish my life still felt good enough without you.  Wish everything hadn’t changed what I thought I knew.

Wish we weren’t so mismatched in this way.

Wish I could do anything but sit here waiting. Wish this whole ******* thing wasn’t so frustrating.

Wish the tears would do their job and wash away this pain. Wish I didn’t hate myself for feeling this way again.

Wish we weren’t so mismatched in this way.

Wish I could feel okay on my own for just one day.

Wish I knew why things changed and my independence went away.

The sky is dripping.
It’s gray sadness mirrors mine.
We are both crying.

You and the sun are both gone.
The fire crackles.
I long for your warmth instead.

My heart fills with happiness when…
I walk hand-in-hand with my love through our town.
I sit on our porch, listening to birdsong.
I laugh.

My heart fills with happiness when…
I hear my children speak wisdom that teaches me something new.
I watch a bee find the perfect flower.
I sing.

My heart fills with happiness when…
I let go of expectations and just exist as myself.
I hear him call me his best girl.
I feel.