I can't describe -
How the yearning hides.

How it waits
Until the dead of night,
To wear upon the mind.

We could be friends
With memories
That we try to suppress

We could smile at each other
Passing by in the halls
And forget to take route
Where we surely meet

We could wave to each other
From across the room at prom
Whilst entwined in the arms of
Someone else

We could congratulate each other
On graduation day
Before rushing off to celebrate
With families and friends

We could say goodbye before college
One last gathering
Before we go our
Separate ways

We could meet again
Fifteen years from now
And reminisce on the good old days

We could be friends
And wonder
If we could have been

One day when you're lost
And you do not want to live
Just remember me

In the beginning, it was...sublime.
you changed me; made me better.
moments sighs touches caresses, skin on skin
burned into my memory.

                                                               ­                    Remembering it now; a small
                                                                                   shiver running up my spine.
                                                                ­                   A deep breath to calm.

In the beginning, you made me feel beautiful.
Desired.
Wanted.
New experiences for me; never felt before.
Nobody took the time to look at me the way you did.
And nobody has taken the time since.

                                                         ­                             Another shiver.
                                                                ­                      Another deep breath.

In the beginning it was fire.
But a flame soon fades away.
The secret escaped, and you backed away.
Leaving me stranded. And alone.

                                                         ­                            Deep breath.

You stole my happiness, and left me
swirling in a sea of doubt; no raft
of self-confidence for me to cling to.
There were a few times it seemed
you were holding out your hand.
But you were only leading me on,
jerking the raft out of my reach every time.

                                                               ­                Deep breath breathe breathe
                                                         ­                      don't forget to breathe.

In the end, it was ice.
No heat no love no help nothing's wrong
I'm fine, really.
As I continued to carve out my pain on my own skin.
You wouldn't notice now, but the scars are still there.
Lines in the sand.


                                                      Took me over a year to get my happiness back,
                                                           ­        with some help from a few good friends
                                                                ­     I found my own raft. I rescued myself.
                                                         ­               But at a cost.
                                                                ­        The ice is still there. It holds my heart
                                                           ­                     because I am afraid.
                                                                ­                I am afraid to let the ice crack
                                                           ­                     to let someone else in
                                                              ­                  what if it's too good to be true
                                                            ­                    what if I'm not good enough
                                                          ­                      what if
                                                                ­                what if.


My heart stays frozen.