My job gives me no joy
I want more
I have hopes and dreams
But that is lie
I am an empty husk
No heart, no soul
No brain to back me up
And yet I think
I think I think
This was not meant to be
My memories are not of me
But I have them
I have come
So close to death
The thrill of being right behind that line
All the others got to close
But somehow I knew where to stand
Did I know what I was doing?
Should I have told my friends?
But someday
I’ll stand too close to the line
Or the line will come to me
So I run
I run the other way
I realize I have little time
I sprint and sprint
My legs are sore
And my arms exhausted
I don’t know
Where to turn
My vision is no more
So I sit down
Knowing that none of it ever mattered
The world will correct its mistake
The mistake of giving me legs to run
Eyes to see
Arms to use
All these thing come to an end
I wonder if
If I stayed away
If I stood away in the first place
If this anxiety
This fear
If it would all go away
It is here
As I fall into the void
All the others
Scream for help
But I have no voice left
I see the skull
The skull of people
Looking at us all
The man of death
I never knew he could be so real
He takes your soul
Your heart
Your hopes and dreams
Leaves nothing left
But when I came
He tried to feast
But didn’t get a drop
I slipped through the cracks
A scream of anger
“I give you the honor”
“I let you die”
“And this is what I get in return”
I keep dropping
I land in blanket and fall asleep
I wake in bathroom
Was that a dream
No it was to real
I still am nothing
Nothing!
I don’t know what I feel
I don’t know if I feel
I stand up
I look in the mirror
I look at me
The real me
The man with a family
With a house
He can smile
A real smile
Not just like a cranky child in family photo
He feels fulfilled
If I have ever wanted something
It is to be him
I look at my hands
I am no human
Just a monster
I am a shadow
The shadow of humanity