In a happy reign there should be no hermits;
The wise and able should consult together....
So you, a man of the eastern mountains,
Gave up your life of picking herbs
And came all the way to the Gate of Gold --
But you found your devotion unavailing.
...To spend the Day of No Fire on one of the southern rivers,
You have mended your spring clothes here in these northern cities.
I pour you the farewell wine as you set out from the capital --
Soon I shall be left behind here by my bosomfriend.
In your sail-boat of sweet cinnamon-wood
You will float again toward your own thatch door,
Led along by distant trees
To a sunset shining on a far-away town.
...What though your purpose happened to fail,
Doubt not that some of us can hear high music.

It seems like forever since
i have found true happiness.

It feels like a spark within
me has vanished.

I am not what i used to be

a once carefree, crazy-spirited
girl

Turned into an uncontrollable mess
of binging, purging, hunger, anxiety, unworthiness
and anger

i feel like i am never good enough
or ever good at anything

everybody looks down on me
                        i am nothing in their eyes.

Have ye beheld (with much delight)
A red rose peeping through a white?
Or else a cherry (double graced)
Within a lily? Centre placed?
Or ever marked the pretty beam
A strawberry shows half drowned in cream?
Or seen rich rubies blushing through
A pure smooth pearl, and orient too?
So like to this, nay all the rest,
Is each neat niplet of her breast.

Eyes leaking
Shaking, shivering
but the worst part is you have to be silent
You have to stay strong for other eyes are on yours
Theirs too leaking, pouring
Your strength is their platform
but when your spotlight is gone and it is dark
You're weak
Quietly engulfing yourself in your own emotion
Waiting for the day when you reach your breaking point
When your eyes leak so much that they overflow
With your eyes, your lungs and heart follow
Slowly overflowing, slowly filling to the top of what use to be a beautiful body
That has now been corrupt with fake smiles and silent outbreaks