it's like a beach with a jellyfish on the sand.

its like looking into their eyes is looking into the bathtub you were afraid to sink into when you were small

you are so afraid but you keep going

you feel so safe, and touching their hand makes you know that life has a purpose

you know that everything, down to the last second on the microwave timer that you skipped,
or when you took a left
instead of a right
at aisle 5
when you were eight
it all leads up to this moment.
so you could be with this person.
everything that had ever seemed like a coincidence
you realize was
actually
a
very
planned
moment.
you are so present with this other person,
that when you leave their presence,
you can't really remember a thing.
nothing.
you never ever think what you are about to say next,
because
you don't have a voice.
you just listen to them
sharing breath.

thats what it is

kissing you tastes like hospital food
so good in the moment,
i was famished.
i needed you to fill me up
make me happy and whole
I could see everything as it should.
I remind myself that I'm eating hospital food.
cold and packaged for days, reheated by numerous microwaves
and infected with heartbreak bacterium
and the notion that when you touch my lips,
someone I love, is dying.

my mind is a maze and I can't cheat and live it backwards
there are always two conversations in my mind
two options.
always options.
there are many voices of you.
i am you.
you are you.
thats two.
opinions are yes and no so pick a side
creativity consumes me and my mind seems blank but its full of peace,
competing for a nice honeycomb and the sting and death of a thought is making the final
decision.

dear fate,

you are having too much fun with me.
please stop. coincidences are only little moments when i remember that you are there, guiding me and watching me. but please stop playing with me. i am not your toy.

love,
a tangled dreamcatcher

people i meet always say that i am impactful.
that there is something about me that makes me change lives in a few minutes.

sounds like a blessing right?
wrong.

imagine you being that person that people are afraid to meet because they are afraid to change.

thats me, hi. hello. how are you. i am here to change you. sorry if you don't want it. oh you don't? okay cool shut me out.

change is what allows life. cut me out, stay stagnant: but have fun being dead in your own body.

one time i threw my watch against a wall
just to watch time shatter.

i was in the right place at the right time once.
now i never am.

time is always making fools of us
but i'm the village idiot.

when i met you, the expectation for love was raised so high, i doubt anyone will ever reach it.

when i met you, i fell in love with your energy, not the way your hair looked.

what is physical attraction?
what is physicality?

its a shell that your soul inhabits.

i fell in love with your soul and therefore I can never be attracted to anything but souls. You set the bar.

I am closing my heart. Loving someone 100% emotionally is much more dangerous then kissing your lips.

Heart is now closed.
I am under new management.
A management that will protect my salt water tear dripped taffy pulled heart.
Find your fun, easy sweetness somewhere else, because now prices are raised and the doors are locked shut.
I am under new management.
Heart is now closed.