I'm going to open a restaurant that sells flavored cat blood
Build ice sculpture monuments to people never heard of
Crash drive a same model car into a rental center
I'm going to talk about the weather like it's always winter

I'm going to construct  a zoo with no animals
Burn down the trees and trap endangered species
Set bear traps in public places,  mock people with normal faces
I'm going to quip stupidly while tripping crippled old ladies.  

I'm going down with the ship, I have nothing to say
I'll hide in your bushes to surprise you with a cookie cake
I'll volunteer to help everyone just the same
Then I'll get drunk and not do a **** thing

I'll grab the yoke and be yelling
the nonsense of this life  
smiling as my teeth fall out
broken faced, all destruction and glee

I'll be laughing
The blood filling up the spaces of who
or where
or what  I wanted to be

In a small smile
In some broken dream
Charge it
Lift it

In a small wish
In some broken plan
Wash it
Wrap it

Let the bruises heal
Make room for fresh injuries
Smile
You are not dead

It's her birthday today
I haven't seen her for a decade
except when she invades my dreams
and tells me all the things
she and I will never be

So happy birthday
nearly exactly a year older than me
as the 6th closes in
August you liar
the situation has long been un-won


no idea where you are
I hope you're smiling
wherever you lie your head
my other lost love was born in November
she was a year younger

but I still remember

dance until your brain is butter
pick up trash
wash the counter
finish the dishes
shave that growing beard

carry heavy things
your body knows
all bruises heal
just not at will

when you find yourself low
when you're barely able to push that motion
the simple stretching of your arms
the gentle flow
of your wrists and hands
the simple movement of knees

still you barely rise

it's harder when this lives inside
that your body is fine
but your soul can barely stand
some pressure
somehow something to prove
a mouth full of broken teeth
not a single visible bruise

and so it hurts
and so you sleep
waking up
to some other dream

wondering what the darkness
might have dreamed
in a pleasant fantasy

they come in all forms
the enemies who win
the obvious
the abstract
the ones who know what you believe ?

is there a shield?
for the people you have let in
to who you really are?
when you want them to stop knowing you

when you see them
do you feel embarrassed?
for some reason ashamed?
maybe you feel like running

maybe you just stay in place

just smile