Notes from my days in hell
pray to God I make it out alive and well
Raise up my hands and kneel
Hope these wounds eventually heal
Maybe I'll finally be able to feel
Lying on my bed completely still
Am constantly hurt, wish I was strong like the man of steel
Wish I was free from all these pills
Even my smallest fears give me chills
When am sleeping I dream of love and unimaginable thrills
I was selfish, for my own happiness I was willing to ****
Want to get to a place where I can forgive myself of all my ills
Conquer every valley, mountain and hill

A bed poem
Something I write as it pours outside
Something I write as I think of what it's like to not be alone
Wishing you were by my side

A bed poem
Something i write when the night is quiet
Something I write as I stare into the photograph
Longing for the good old days, my mind drowning in nolstagia

A bed poem
Something I write as I try to guess what I'll dream about
Something I write when in my heart something is lacking
Don't know how I got here, I must've been lucky

A bed poem
Something I write because you only call occasionally
Something I write because poetry is a good mode of expression
And am not ready to open up to anyone

You are a goddess
You had me the moment we met, I confess
And it's not just because of all the heavenly features you possess
I'd say you're out of my league if I had to guess
Never thought you'd show up when I gave you my address
You alleviate my stress with each second we caress
You're my refuge every time am in distress

You heal my pain
With you I never feign
You consume me like a fire
Hold my hand and I would never tire
Whisper in my ear
And dispell all my foolish fears
Stitch up my countless tears
Wipe away my salty tears

Am standing where the roads meet
Am hoping the road ahead is longer than what's behind me
Or maybe am just not long for this world
Feels like time is against me
Am it's opponent
My time is running out
That's the reason I can't sleep at night
Coz every remaining minute I want to spend with you
Every second I want to see your face
And maybe memorize every single feature
Treasure every imperfection
Coz baby am not long for this world
I try but ultimately I fail
I tremble every time we touch
And am hypnotized every time we kiss
Am brave but in this moment am afraid I might lose you
My eyes will never see you again

The music of our love has been muted
The bright colors of our promises have faded away
The calm winds of our kisses turned to dry desert sandstorms
The warm gentle rays of our laughter turned to scorching heat waves

Soft kitten purrs have become screeching screams
Once sinless souls now sinking to the darkest depths of damnation
Daydreams demolished and in their place are dungeons
Serpents slithering in the once stainless snow

If love is a drug, is it possible to overdose?
Fill the cup till it overflows
Fill the river till it breaks the banks

Sandwiched between my blankets
I can hear the low rumble of thunder outside
The skies are darker than usual
Dim light is coming through my window

Am half drunk, half bored
Am half naked but not cold
Am half way through this new love song I just discovered
Am lost in my thoughts tryna stay optimistic, that glass half full mentality

I should get out of this place soon
Its the tenth time am having this thought in the last ten minutes
Can't keep it off my mind
Cant leave even if I use all my might

Chained down by all the good memories
Slowed down by that beautiful girl who promised she'd kiss me
Tryna take my first step but am paralysed
Tryna be brave but am terrified

My skin itches like bites from fleas
Can't be me, every time I find me I flee
I try too much to please
God please
I know the truth frees
And cold make everything freeze
God please
I want to own all that I currently lease
I hope it's frictionless like grease
Can I have it all or is it all just an elaborate tease

I let myself be bare
Open and exposed naked as the day I was born
All could see me yet I couldn't see myself
An open book all could read but none understood
One moment elation the next not in the mood
There cold and confused I stood
Staring at their faces
Some were seemingly sad some artificially happy some In-between but none content
All aloof and alone not one could connect
All dreading closing time for there was no one to go home to
Some in complete terror not even a home to go to
I have to admit that at times I felt scared too
I felt no glimmers of hope I saw no glimpses of light
Too weak to put up a fight

the moment I held your tender hands I felt a new kind of love
i always hoped this day would come
now that's it's here I hope to never let you down

i look at your innocent clueless eyes and I well up with tears
you've already found a place in my heart
a warm yellow halo floats above your head

hiding my eyes so you cant see my soul
am searching for something to make  me whole
i try to be strong but sometimes the weight takes its toll
the nights be cold and dark as coal

my heart is bound in iron clutches
all the broken fragments held together by patches
i try to offload the pain but like a tick onto me it latches
feels like hours but just ten seconds have passed on my watches

When people engage you , they expect you to act a certain way or do certain things, these expectations are drawn from past experiences you've shared together, when you try to deviate from their expectations they convince you that that's just who you are, maybe they don't want to be wrong or maybe they don't believe that you have the ability to change, maybe they want to stay the same and reject any change happening around them, anyway the past defines the present but it doesn't define the future
**** anyone who tells you anything different

Love is like when a base meets an acid
The deterioration is quite rapid
Love is crazy, a majestic hound gone rabid
Your arrow finally hit me, nice shot cupid

Am scared to die so I wear a face mask
Can't help but think of all the questions I never asked
I can't breathe like am stuck in a vacuum flask
Thank God for this liquid aged in casks

It started with a spark but every time you kiss me, you feed the flame
If I lose myself tonight you're to blame

Consider this
You bring me peace
You give me undiluted feelings of bliss
Your love is soft and warm like a woollen fleece
Consider this
I yearn for your kiss
I give you my whole heart and not just a piece
When i hold you i feel nothing is amiss

You light up my days like a lantern
I've noticed am happy each time am with you, it's a pattern
And with each moment my heart grows fonder
Each time I hope time slows down and we're here longer
My heart is overwhelmed with joy like a young bird when it learns to fly
I can't love you perfectly but I promise I'll try
You're my poison
It's like you got me under some love potion
I want to be with you till the day I ride in a hearse
I want to hold your hand and carry your purse

Call to the heavens ,pastor
Do not slow down ,faster
Supernatural force, ghost, casper
worldwide calamity, disaster
*******, *******
Opposite of slave, master
Small but reach my full potential, mustard
Read the news, caster
Italian food, pasta
Whip my hair back and forth, rasta
Keep it all clean, duster
He gathers all his courage, muster

once one but we split into multiple parts, divide
two bodies moving in opposite directions, diverge
hoped you'd give me all that you have
I gave you all that I had
sadly you gave me less than half
i've never been your fave
all I ever wanted to do was love
and make love to you like a perv
you calmed me down when the world got on my nerves

I express my love in unsent letters
Promising to give shelter, everytime you come across unfriendly weather
Am right there with you when you're lost in the storm, feeling fearful and light as a feather
I just want to know whether, there's a chance that one day our hearts will be tethered
When am restless and moving too fast you're my pacesetter
Am sinful,maybe even soulless but everyday you make me better

I want a heart that can't be shot down
I want endless laughter that can't be drowned
I want to be all smiles no frowns
I want my days to be colorful like the graffiti I see downtown

I want you to kiss my lips
I want to dream of you when I sleep
I want you to know I'll always be here am for keeps
I want you for every season even in autumn when trees shed their leaves

I want a picnic under that cool tree shade
I want those memories that never fade
I want to be the one that stayed
I want you to know you're the most beautiful soul god ever made

I want that love that warms me down to my core