I do not hate you, this is no lie.
I do not despise you, though you may I.
I do not like you, this is a truth.
I rarely think of you at all. Truth.

I used to hate you, this is quite true.
I used to despise you, and you I too.
I used to dislike you, this is a truth.
I rarely think of you at all. Truth.

It seems I have a wondrous mind
I dreams in colours so hard to find.

Feeling lonely, feeling blue
Unsure why I'm missing you.
I say hello, I whisper 'Hey'
Not a word, you won't even say
What I've done or what I've said
Why I'm banished from your head.
I feel confused, a tad alone
Unsure why and far from home.

it’s raining out
and in my head
let’s hide under-
cover, beneath
the warmth of thread-
ed sheets and scent
of apple spice.

I am a writer in
the smallest sense,
I put words together
of varying lengths.

I'm not worried that I like you.
I'm worried that I'll like you too much.
I'm not worried at all I tell myself.
I worried just a little bit and that's fine.
That's normal, right?
I don't like that this scares me.
I'm overthinking it, aren't I?
Just be yourself, just be yourself.
Open up, it's okay. You don't have to lie any more.
Not to them, or to anyone really. Especially not to them.
They're okay, you know. They're not out to hurt you.
At least that's what you believe, genuinely and truly.
You like them, just admit it. Be okay with it. It's okay.
They know. You're safe.
Don't hold back now, not ever. Just calm. Breathe.
Think of your friend, she's doing well.
You're happy for her. Be happy for yourself, too.
You're allowed to be happy, you deserve it.
I'm struggling, you know. Just a little bit.
This is all quite new. Not completely, but it's new.
What am I even doing? I keep surprising myself and I don't mind.
I quite like it, I feel different, I feel empowered.
In a good way, too. Almost as if this is working.
Being honest is working and it's getting less and less terrifying.
Be yourself, or as much as you can be.
There are things you are still changing, things you haven't changed it.
That's okay, you don't have to change dramatically.
You would freak out if you did. Let yourself evolve.
Let the caterpillars of your mind grow. Feed them all you possibly can.
They'll grow strong, I promise. Just like you will, in time. Give it time.
Why are you expecting a sudden change? You know life doesn't work like that.
What are you comparing yourself to? Nobody. Exactly. Stop it.
This isn't making any sense to me any more, I should stop.

I'm beginning to see why people dislike you,
Why you constantly believe they hate you.
You give them every reason to,
You are aware of it and yet you won't change.
Even I dislike you now, and I gave my all
Into a friendship I thought went both ways.
As it turns out you only want people when it suits.
As it turns out you can't keep your mouth shut.
You spread gossip and rumours, even secrets.
People won't trust you, and I certainly don't.
I regret ever believing you were genuine.
I regret ever letting you know part of me.

We don't
Have to
Yearn for
Weak love.
Our hearts
Need all
The help
You see.
Our hearts
Undo
Lost hope
Each time.
A love
Ventures
East, they
Meet West.
Each time
A love
Leaves South
Or the
North, it
Ends there.

I've said my goodbyes, my farewells.
I've done all I could, all I wanted.
All that's left now are pieces, are thoughts.
No regrets, no such thing.

I've left my markings, my last words.
I've scrolled my last page, my last click.
All that's left now are fragments, are friends.
Not mine, no such thing.

Once upon a time lived a little young girl,
She had bright button eyes and her hair had a curl
Of saffron, ginger and pineapple too
She looked like no other, not I and not you.

She lived in a village not far from the sea
Where nobody ventured, not even the bees
For it was far from pleasant, you must comprehend
It is rumoured that death lingers under the bed.

Gnarly and spiteful, the creature below
Listens out for those sleeping, those about to go
To the land of the dreaming, the peaceful sweet place
That brings all pure happiness upon yonder face.

Now little young girl creeps around in the dark
As she fears the creatures will bite her and bark
That’s how they get you, as you will soon know
If you rest your sweet head on the pillow below.

it’s shining out
and in my heart
the sun is fair-
ly radiant
as always, nothing
seems so bad when
the sun is mine.

This is me we're talking about, me of all people.
Who am I to think, to fantasise, to dream, to hope?
It just doesn't make any sense. It just won't be.
I cut myself off from anyone I can before it happens.
I just want to be free, to be oblivious again to the point
That it stops hurting me. I just want to get out of it.
I don't want to hold a candle for you or for anyone.
This is why I lied to myself, lied to anyone who listened
Because I knew what happens to those who give in.
I gave in four years ago and I thought that was good.
I thought giving in would heal me but it made matters
Worse. It unravelled all these yearnings and wants.
Please just take me back to the young girl I was.
The adamant young girl who never spoke of love
Or desire, or a future. I haven't long left, or so I hoped.
I used to hope that I wouldn't live long to save myself.
I didn't want to admit I don't like it here, I didn't want
To admit to those that matter that I was a liar.
Sometimes, these days, I just don't want to be awake.
I want to close my eyes and escape to the deepest realm
Where reality doesn't get a look in, where my hopes die.
If being a liar is what it takes for me to become cold again,
So be it. Let me lie, let me hurt myself and keep my distance.

it’s snowing out,
not just for the
children allowed
outside, not just
for those who can
see the flakes fall
but inside me.

My eyes are hurting and my head isn't clear
Is it so wrong of me to say that I wish you were here
With me. We could sit up all night if you'd like that
We could sit up all night if you'd like too.

My hands are trembling and my lips growing numb
Contemplating how it'd feel to feel your fingers and thumb
With mine. We could hold hands all night if you'd like that
We could hold hands all night if you'd like too.

Why are humans such liars?
I feel such an intense desire to warn you all.
I care even though I'm no longer there. I don't particularly miss you.
I want to protect you, I want you to be somewhere good.
Why am I so sensitive?
I know in my heart, in my mind, that I am neither without a conscience nor the ability to comprehend.
I know in myself that these words are out of spite and out of complete lack of empathy.
I want to scream out, I want you all to be free from this.

I'm going to have to start working at home.
Well, I say home but it’s not home as I know it.
It’s where I reside, temporarily. It’s where I
Sit in my room, alone, while others live.
I don’t mind it in the slightest, it’s quite refreshing.
Where was I? Right, I remember: working at home.
I'm finding myself being followed by an old fiend.
I'm not sure what it’s related to. My blood pressure?
I know it’s low in general, which is never a problem.
I just find myself in states where I cannot work.
I sit here, pretending to type – in fact I just type
Nonsense. I don’t want to admit that I'm not working.
Who would?
I don’t want to explain because I'm not sure myself.
It’s not permanent. It just comes as it pleases.
Blurred vision, I suppose that’s what it is.
It keeps me from working for a good twenty minutes
At a time. It adds up to quite a lot in a day, in a week.
I'm going to have to start working at home. Great.

It's not that I'm not into you
I really am, I really do
Like you a lot, I like your smile,
I have admired it for a while.

You make me laugh, you say cute things
And know I don't like wearing rings.
I don't get judged and that feels nice.
It's rather strange I don't think twice

On spilling out my inner fears,
My thoughts, my worries and my tears.
You make me cry and I don't mind
I think you're worth it every time.

What makes me mad is other folk
Who interfere and like to joke
Around with hearts, like they won't break,
One lie is sometimes all it takes

To tear us up and dent our pride,
We lash out, hurt, we often hide.
With you I feel they won't succeed
For love is really all we need.