Just give me one more taste of your precious toxicity,
And, baby, we can medicate; we can love ourselves to sleep.
And in the morning we’ll be mourning, the clock will laugh its chime.
This was all at the wrong time, this was all wrong at this time.
And I’ll dance my pretty toes away, I’ll nibble on your ear,
Pretend we were never apart, our souls were always near.
I’ll cry my ******* eyes out as we sit on the bed,
Because it feels right on skin, in heart, but wicked in my head.
Deceptive, delicious, witchcraft in your eye,
In logic you’re the devil but your lips feel like the sky.
We can nightmare through the afternoon, smoke up right at dawn,
But from the haze of my twisted thoughts you’ll never be gone.
And though this is poison jail, I’ve never felt more free.
You are so bad for me; you are so bad for me.

Babe,
You can pretend all you want,
But you’re still haunted by my heart.
In intoxication, that word slipped out of your mouth,
And you tried to stop it at the very last second,
But you were too late.
And as I sat there, flooded with THC,
All I could wonder is why that moment
Kept repeating over and over in my mind.
“Sure, babe.”

We’re on the brink of brotherhood,
The link is sewed of falling in love
That eventually landed and shattered.
I love you more than I’ve loved before,
The green grass only growing as time goes by.
And I will hold your hand when Death comes calling,
And I will be your light in the dark.
And I will shed tears if you are thirsty,
And in my heart you will always be the first.

I’ve learned my bones can melt
When they feel your eyes
I’ve learned my heart can sing
When it feels your lips on mine
I’ve learned a basement can be heaven,
And that sometimes it takes seven,
To find the seventh’s the one to keep.
I’ve learned your voice makes me stutter
And your soul makes me mutter
Your name in my sleep.

Twenty pairs of lips will never be kissed,
Twenty pairs of angel wings kissed them instead.
Twenty little giggles will ring in mothers’ dreams,
Twenty little handprints will stain fathers’ hearts.
Forty lungs breathed their last breaths,
Forty eyes shut for the last time.
Sixty seconds changed it all,
One man ruined twenty little worlds.
And the school doors shut solemnly,
And the bedrooms became shrines,
And the training wheels will never come off,
Because of a trainwreck of a day.

I wish love was like looking in a mirror,
Like seeing what you already know staring back at you.
I looked into your river, expecting to reflect.
Instead I saw a dried up bed.
And now I can’t get out of mine.

Those moonrise eyes, that darling stare.
You could glare at me all day, I don’t even care.
Smile like violets, laughter like beer,
My head swims when you’re far away, scuba-dives when near.
Walk the streets of superficiality with me,
And we’ll roll our way downhill until we love ourselves to sleep.
I’ll love you straight to sleep.

In deep raincloud days and the nights we can’t sleep,
I remember the night of July 15th.
In worlds we didn’t drift like sailboats at sea,
Under blankets it’s your arms that cradle me.
Maybe someday you’ll look into my eyes with love,
Like you used to, giving kisses instead of a shove.
Or maybe these chords will mean nothing someday,
As you go with the wind into a distant bay.
Sweet harbor, sweet harbor, fading with time.
I was lashed to your deck, and you tied to mine.
The sunshine was fleeting, the gray had been sent,
But it all changed so quickly, maybe it will again

Your shoes look like my father’s
Your smile feels like waking up
And when you are close to me
It feels like that’s enough.
Our hands weave like little baskets
Your skin is like the sky
Your presence alone is a drug
And I love being high.
When somebody says your name
My heart shakes a shudder
And when I think about you
I imagine we are lovers.
Your tears are little flowers
And there is ocean in your hair
And when I look out the window
The sun feels like your stare.
At night when I am dreaming
It feels like we are kissing
And when we aren’t together
I wonder what I’m missing.
This poem might be cliché
But I really ******* like you.
And I thought you also liked me
But I guess I thought too soon.

Every time I see you, my heart bursts open,
And all the blood rushes to my face,
Turning me crimson pink.
And your smile, God that smile,
It fills me up with beautiful.
I didn’t mean to fall, but ****,
I’m a clumsy girl I guess.
The way your lips so easily grasped mine,
In the crowd of the ***** basement,
428 Monroe Street, I couldn’t stop smiling.
And we were surrounded by rainbow lights,
And in the morning you texted me because you couldn’t sleep.
And you thought of me.
12:01AM, 11/11, one week later,
How things had changed.
And suddenly, few days pass,
And sadly, sadly,
How things have changed.
I want to understand sunlight with you,
Contemplate pillows and blankets and alcohol.
Dreaming and wishing and the way you made me laugh,
Oh, how I wish things had worked out.
And I have no idea where it all went cloudy,
Or why you just stopped caring so much.
But it’s done.
And you’re gone.
And it hurts.

All these broken snakes lie dreaming in their graves,
Of legs and arms and fingers, theirs to call their own.
They would make beautiful things, build up to the sky,
Such intricate limbs would they be to help save the world.
Lowly and quietly they trail the ground and cry,
Isolated and somber, just trying to get by.
Burned and buried in the ground, crying of frustration.
Kicked down by the fearful eyes, slaughtered with a scream,
Murdered by legs and arms and fingers,
The broken snakes lie dreaming of a different world.

Red blood painted on my hands, I kiss my father on the cheek. I mosey out the old front door, I’m eighteen and invincible. I rub the water on my face and on my eyes and on my soul, it’s all thawing but still ice cold beneath this makeup mask. I pretend to love, when really I don’t care. It’s just responsibility to treat these ******* with respect. The ice and snow of the world’s heart spread frostbite to my own. I’m guilty of not giving a ****, and I don’t even give a ****. Nothing is a shade of gray; it’s all purple to me. And I sink my teeth into the earth, biting down in crimson blue.
Smiles are for sinners and being ****** over is for saints. How do you think they all ended up martyrs? I’ve been bruised blue by this world, but it all secrets with this sapphire suit. I have no choice but to stay frozen, fearful to admit my wounds. I’m hurt, I’ve been hurt, I’ve been hurting for a while, but I’m scared to say it all and have to say that I need help. Writing makes it real and it ravages my mind. All I wish for is a fire to warm me up from inside out and reignite this empty furnace, strangled until it turns blue. Maybe the world doesn’t have to be rose or indigo or purple at all, at all. Someday I’ll smile with every color, the hottest flames inside my soul burning bright and blue.

Did we kiss and was it nothing
Did we kiss and is it something
Do you have a thing
For me cause I do have a thing
For you and we could have everything
We ever wanted if we give this thing
A shot, will you give it a shot? Or was this whole thing
The end result of too many shots? I would give anything
To have your heart be set on mine. Maybe I’ve got another thing
Coming- overestimating and wishing like this. But there are way too many things
Here and none of them are certain.

Balloons in a dark room
Waiting to float away
Up into the sky
Only to pop
Nothing gold can stay

You’re a meadow like Death Valley and I’m sick of this drought.
This love is like a labyrinth, with too many traps and too much doubt.
I’ll never be enough for you, but you also don’t deserve me.
I’m either thirsty or I’m drowning, it’s the desert or the sea.
It’s true what they say:
nothing gold can stay.
I gave you a second chance, and you burned it like a bridge.
For a girl who doesn’t care for you and probably never did.
And now you want me in your life, for no reason but to taunt.
I’m sick and tired of feeling exhausted, my heart is nearly gaunt.
I’m gray inside and probably out, although you haven’t noticed yet.
You’re probably too busy ******* her in your liberal college bed.
I hope she makes you happy, and then she breaks our heart.
Maybe you’ll learn the lesson you’ve needed from the very start.
That probably is cruel of me, but I’m sick of karma’s sleeping.
I never did one wrong to you, but life always has me weeping.
People aren’t playthings, and are not at your dispense.
You’ve lost your goodness and humility, and probably common sense.
I’m walking away free and clear, out of this labyrinth of uneven care.
Maybe my footprints will prove to you how it isn’t fair.
You’ve lied and you’ve cheated and you’ve broken my heart thrice.
And here you are, free and clear, isn’t that so nice?
I hope you live a good, long life, and I hope you do things great.
But I also hope you grow up before it’s too late.
So as you examine all the sand and sea and wonder what went sour,
I’ll be laughing and dancing and feeling alive instead of sobbing in the shower.
Do not take this as bitterness, for I see our past as sweet,
But don’t **** around with fire if you can’t take the heat.

Somewhere there’s somebody
Who thinks I am made of clouds,
Fastened with sunshine and silliness.
Somewhere there’s somebody
Who thinks my smile is what love looks like,
And who thinks my tears are reason to change the world.
Somewhere there’s somebody
Who will adore me like that Christmas present
He wanted but didn’t think he’d get.
Somewhere there’s somebody
Who will make me wonder why
I was ever so stuck on you.

The sunrise hasn’t spoken in quite some time,
And the world is dreary; snow-cold hearts
Beating on and beating down day by day.
There are cobwebs in the clockwork,
And there’s a difference in the shades,
The world has turned from black and white
To a constant gray.
Perhaps we were meant to meet on another day.
Where the world would have listened,
Instead of cursing us into the ground.
And where I didn’t have to cry into my pillow,
I could let the sound rebound.
Your heart beats like a hammer,
The nails into my hands.
Oh Jesus Christ, this hurts like hell,
Sandpaper on my supple soul.
I live for every drop of blood that curdles in the sky.
The clouds look like roses today.
I evaporate and condensate and rain down once again.
This mystery and sadness is all spinning in my head.
The time ticks on and I remain, a broken fence, alone.
The world can be an ugly place when your heart has no home.
My feet hurt from the gravel,
My eyes ache from the night,
And darling I am anxious,
For your next delightful bite.
This poem makes no sense, but neither do my thoughts.
Cold tile floor and sweaty sleep, nightmares and daydreams haunt me.
Your forehead kisses gone for good,
I’m just a little rain cloud lately,
Waiting to condensate,
And disappear.

Her name burns like dry ice.
It scalds my heart and makes my whole body freeze up.
It makes me want to run away and never stop.
It makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs.
It makes me want to never talk to you again.
It makes my eyes well up and my fists clench.
It digs into my skin like fingernails,
Just knowing about the scratches she leaves on your back.
I stare at the ceiling and try not to wonder, trying not to care,
All the while wondering if you ever think of me
While she is in your bed.

I used to think your skin
Was sewn of dreamcatchers’ thread.
I used to think your words
Were all tiny bones that made up my spine.
I used to think your heartbeat
Was the axis of the earth.
But now I see you for what you are.
And what you are is
A pebble in my mind.
Life is the ocean.

You’ve got the grin of a liar, and the frown of being caught.
I don’t trust you for a minute, you’re not the person I once loved.
And you’ve been ****** with all your damning, at least inside my mind.
But inside my chest, a grave is being dug.
Rest in peace the girl who loved with open arms, scarless and white;
eager to please, without walls and without weeping.
I don’t know if you’re playing dead, or the coffin’s sealed and shut.
And if you’re being buried, I, too, will have a tomb; RIP the girl you once knew.
Were you always such a sinner, selfish and insatiable and scarring?
I believed you every second, every whisper in my ear.
Take a bow and pack your things, or somehow prove me wrong.
I used to think the world of you, and how beautiful a place was this world with you in it.
I’m running out of reasons and you’re running out of time.
If patience is a virtue, call me a sinner, too.
But now we’re both nearly six feet under and the stars are dimming.
The box of your beloved words to me is burning in my stomach and ringing in my ears;
you don’t care anymore, if you ever did.
On my heart you’ve left nothing but tea rings and bullet holes and burns and cracks.
But what hurts the most is not any of this, but that I still can’t regret a thing.

Some people are born with Heaven in their souls,
And their eyes feel like God is smiling on your skin,
And their smile is like Sunday morning.
Their arms aren’t closed like the church doors,
And their fingers hum and harmonize with yours when they touch.
And each word they say zings up your spine,
And your breath quivers and your hands shake,
And your brain can’t calculate, can’t compute,
What you thought wonderful was before.
And sometimes they’ll be just like you and you can’t stop laughing,
And you wonder for a moment if anybody has ever thought you were so beautiful.
Their toenails are seashells and their minds are the ocean,
And you wish you could spend everyday at the beach.
And when you see them just living like everybody else,
You notice they aren’t like them at all.
Hallelujah.

Interlocking toes and whispering I love you,
Kissing each freckle on my face,
And my shoulders, and my legs.
Crying over books together,
And spooning to the sound of rain.
Skin on skin until you melt into each other’s bones,
Leaving tea ring upon tea ring on hearts.
My sails will always blow in your direction,
Although my ship may sail to other seas.
Forever, whether I like it or not,
You are the happiness in my blood and body.
Grains of sand stuck in shoes from beach days long ago.

I still think you’re as blue as summer skies,
And would kiss all the tears in your eyes,
And this may come as a surprise,
But in my heart you still exist.
Your blood smells of roses,
In my dreams we touch noses,
And all the medicine doses,
Can’t drive you away from me.
Someday I’ll decorate your grave,
My heart an empty cave,
Because my grace you did save,
And cause to explode in sparks.

The worst feeling is lying in bed, awake in the dark,
salting your wounds and remembering scars.
Because in lightness and in darkness you are the words running through my head,
with fragrance and clear nostalgia in the sheets tossed on my bed.
Awake I wish to touch you, the figure always in my dreams,
the darling who has caused my heart to burst at the seams.
The embers glow brightest at night when the moon is high,
and when gentle ocean waves sound, reminding me of your sigh.
First love’s terrible haunting will destroy my mind,
restrained by this most addictive and beautiful bind.
In whispers and in wanting you grabbed my heart to keep,
and now I can’t escape you, not even in my sleep.
I’m knee-deep in a puddle; I’m at the edge of the sky.
If I never get you again, baby, I think I’d like to die.

The way you dance is like the way you laugh:
Out of control and all at once.
Your lips look a lot like the world of dreams,
A land I’d like to never leave.
So let’s slow-dance and fall asleep,
And leave reality for romance reverie.
When we wake up and rub our eyes,
It won’t feel like we’ve woken up at all.

You’re just like cigarette smoke
I hate to see you go
But I love to take you in
And I can’t even hold you
I can’t even touch you
I just keep you in my chest
For as long as I can hold
And then I have to let you go
And you fade into the night
Disappear without a trace
It’s like you were never even there
And I’m stuck crying
With lungs full of carcinogens
I’ll never let you in again
Well, maybe just another drag
If only you were so easy to buy
At a gas station at two in the morning
When all I can think of
Is nicotine and you

I might be a ghost and I don’t know myself anymore
But I’m pulling up the anchor that traps me
Because I refuse to let the scissors cut the finish line
It will be all me, my sweat and happy tears
Flying through that moment because I’ve won
And I won’t be a ghost anymore
I will love myself like I deserve
I will love you like you deserve
My heart will be humming like a beehive
I will be alive

I’m a rosebud, I’m a rosebud
I just want to be beautiful
Twelve months have changed my life
I’m scarred and scared and scornful
I’m a bitter pill, I’m a bitter pill.

Eighteen year olds with worn blue jeans,
Laughing with alcohol in their veins.
And while you count your drinks tonight,
I’ll count every scar I’ve sewn into my mind.
And you can’t count all the jokes you’ve made,
I can’t count all my ******-up ways,
So I’ll bruise my mind and try to steady my hands,
But I can never meet depression’s demands.
I’m so tired of crawling under my own skin,
I just want someone to let my bad parts in.
But how can I expect someone to love me
When I can’t even like myself two days out of the week?

We used to intertwine like vines growing up a tree
Now the only thing that intertwines is this dark and me.
You’re tequila for my bones and braids, the starlet in my smoke,
This trick has got its grip on me; my song’s become a choke.
True love never fails and that’s my failure in the night
Marijuana medicine taken ‘fore twilight
Thoughts resurrect like zombies, grow between my veins,
Even when you’re absent you still keep me insane
Poetic, pathetic, diuretic, drain me of my blood
Mixing spit and hate and love until it becomes mud
Sheets of shame and guilt’s to blame for my empty heart
Foreclosed, alone, this isn’t poetry, this isn’t art
Eighteen and way too broken to be reckless and to care
Pull the trigger, shatter me, pull on my long dead hair
Scar-less little dream-catcher holding onto golden wings
Baby girl with bad dreams drinking up careless flings
I’m an alien with history just looking to get high
I prefer my world ******-up, on the rocks and extra dry.

I was buried ten thousand leagues under your sea,
Hide tide and low tide eroded me away.
From a great big rock to a land of sand,
I couldn’t get a grip without your hand.
But it’s been nearly a year; I’m growing like a tree.
After long surfing your wavelength, I am finally free.

Pride is a devil but your wings say otherwise.
I have been black and have been golden.
It’s hard to judge which is which.
But now I’m neither good nor bad.
Windows into people’s souls are never clear glass.
The only thing transparent about you is your promises.
I’ve got your letters all in boxes, handwriting of a beautiful life.
Who am I to judge when my memories of you are in a grave?
Your actions sliced me up inside but your hands feel so nice.
I’m scared to be your friend again but I’ve grown a mountain’s spine.
Kissing turns to coughing, hopeful turns to helpless.
I was once a good girl. You were once a good boy.
Nobody ever remembers how the roses looked dying;
They remember them brilliant in a clear perfect vase.
For the past year, all I’ve had is those roses on my mind.
I’m right to be afraid, but instead I just feel freed.
Let this day ring inside my mind, I’m happy alone.

the world can be beautiful
if you let it be
instead of trying
to always be realistic
be fantastical
and be optimistic
because there’s enough reality
that hits you every day
and not enough good
that you can dream at night
dream in the day
and breathe in the starlight
there will always be enough
to do to keep you grounded
so open yourself
and let your mind’s wings fly
don’t just look,
see and soar with your eyes
magical land or planet earth
it makes no difference to me
because we see what we try to see
and i decided i want to see happy

Do old trees cry
when widowed wives
finally leave?
Do they shiver
in their trunks and quake
in their leaves?
Do old trees cry
when old lovers
touch lips?
Do tears of sticky sap
roll down their bark
from their tips?
I swear I’ve seen an old tree
smile in the sun
and under the moonlight, sing.
Cracked in the middle, down the bark,
Broken-hearted, I swear I’ve seen
a tree dancing in the rolling wind.
I’m a weeping willow,
Rooted in my tears,
Watching life go by.
I would **** for wings,
but I wouldn’t have the courage,
to actually fly.

Hedonist bloom,
Nurtured by the rays of pleasure.
Your heart is an ego,
Rooted in dark dirt.
You are what you are rooted in.
Karma will be your grave.