The painting you gave my mother still hangs on the living room wall.
It watches my despair blend into one color. GOLD.

Years pass and I still let my brain rot.
Shallow is liked and I've become quite fond of the ground.
Silence is no longer part of recovering anything that is whole.
I've trained my heart on all the
" How To's" , so when the attack comes I'll be familiarized with the feeling.

You always warned me about MEN, and Dear you stand corrected.
How could I have ever opposed you?
From you?

That's a question with no end.
Still my tainted spine remains haunted.

They say the devil is always in disguise, yet I never thought he would cross my path as my best friend.

There's an invisible world that I can hear.
There's an invisible world that I can see.
There's an invisible world that I can feel.

There's an invisible world.
It's my invisible world.

Philosophy is parked on handicap this season.

The year is 2014 -Winter went and filled my spaces with cement.
It never rained. 

Spend my days in humidity teaching the body to speak again. 

See the beauty in muted colors and it's time I open up the window for the late night summer breeze. 

Wearing my white dress I rehearse in the hot sea convincing myself it's not you I think of.

My belly grows with experience as antics gracefully fade. We don't take time, 
Time takes us. 

All of this with nothing left. 
Training dragons comes easy now. 
I stopped catering to demons stealing lives amongst their own.
Nurture is my nature painting walls you can't see. 

Sunday morning mass and God shook me upside down.
Dangling death while all the lice flies out. 
Thank you.
Thank you. 
My head is clean and the eye is naked. 
Champagne has never tasted this good. 

Now let me tell you where she was born. 
She arose where my eyes closed once before. 
Children hold lost keys with invisible codes. 
Sacred scribbles for notes ingrained in algorithms unknown. 
Please tell the kids science lives no more.

Sweat takes over my skin peeling layers of invisible masks yearning for chemical feedings. It's been days- I've been thinking slow and fragile. Bedtime has no name and it hurts. There's caution in my eyes screaming " Stay Away"! Drowning in my own body of water. "Come Clean"  he whispers.

Solace and silence. I want. ***** migraines to migrate forever. Shivers to shed as I travel back into time -not swallowing so much inside to feel OK with chemicals balancing brain beats. "Come Clean" he whispers. Flashback: I see the love of my life holding a ring on the day strange beauty died in his arms. Images creep of a little boy begging for my wake. Awake I stay.

Beginnings to a next day with no recollection. Trying to find expression in lost graphs and schedules that were once dictated by "the medicine". It made sense. Cycling back and forth through highs and lows trying to remember that God made all things. "Come clean".

In this moment I want to live only because in the next moment I'll be dead- again. I can hear the race of my heart and I want a beautiful design only because in the next moment I will come down and want nothing." Come clean".

In this moment I convince myself to skip my daily dose only because a PHD took away the nightly dose. "Come clean".

Relapse. In this moment I swallow untitled entries to close my mind from a few moments.