im laying down on the bed
we once shared
and it still smells of you.
it reminds me
of your lips on mine
and god, your perfume.
im laying down on the bed
for the first time
since you were here.
im covered with the sheets
that kept us warm
and took away my fears.
im laying down on the bed
and it feels strange
sleeping alone.
because our bodies
were more than enough
to make if feel like home.

i saw it in your eyes

“pretty eyes” I said to him when we first met, capturing his attention. “remind me of crystal clear waters and forests on a rainy day” I slowly continued saying, watching his lips curve until a smile was shaped on his face, a soft beautiful smile. He thanked me right away, saying that was the best compliment he had ever gotten. I smiled back and said that was impossible, he was far too handsome to had never received such a compliment like mine.
He smiles even more after that and blinks in astonishment as if he's not sure what was happening. He then looks at me so deeply that makes my legs tremble and suddenly I’m blushing and smiling like a little kid. I can’t stop looking at him. I got lost on how perfect the little freckles on his nose were and in the way his curls were falling on his smooth skin.
We stare at each other for a while, never losing eye contact, appreciating meticulously the tiny and minimalist details of each other’s faces, when suddenly he starts laughing, a contagious funny laugh that makes me join him.
Out of nowhere we’re both laughing like we’re old friends who have known each other for a long time, when in reality we were just two strangers who, without knowing by then, had fallen in love for each other so hard that the universe would later have to find a way to connect us once more.
Now, 5 years later, I repeat the same thing to myself “crystal clear waters and forests on a rainy day”. I repeat it over and over in my head as I struggle against the weight of my soaked clothes. My eyes are closed, my body stopped fighting and my heart almost doesn’t beat. I try to think of his eyes once more as I sink deeper and deeper into the translucent and blue waters of his favorite beach, where he had drowned himself, hoping somehow that nature will bond us together once again, since he had all the natural beauties within his eyes.

as flores que rego
pacientemente, o oposto
do que costumo sentir
são belas, não o nego
mas talvez se as tivesse posto
contigo, estas fossem abrir
mais belas e dignas
de se cheirar, tal como
banhos e raios de sol
com uma bela vista mar.
será sonhar muito alto
este meu desejo de transgredir
que é perseguido pelo medo
de tal como uma flor,
pousar nua num palco
onde nada que possa vestir
te faça querer comigo florir.
as flores que rego,
acabarão por desaparecer
assim como o desejo
de te ter por perto
se voltará a desvanecer
porque esse teu beijo
já não escorre como água
no jardim outrora nosso
que deu vida a este amor.
o que seria despedir-me
sem mágoa, sem regar as flores
que tanto gosto, sem ver a vida,
a ganhar nova cor?
rego estas flores, que sem ti,
aprendi que florirão
da mesma maneira
que na primeira passada.

inefável é a minha palavra favorita,
não sei bem explicar o porquê.
tal como a palavra indica,
sentimento de tal grandeza
que não tem palavras que o expressem.
amor, orgulho, ódio, desgosto,
talvez possam ser parecidos,
mas não chegam perto do sentimento.
há momentos onde não me sinto bem,
e outros que me sinto demasiado bem,
ambos inefáveis.
e há momentos onde parece que não sinto nada,
a dor e o amor desaparecem por instantes,
e a liberdade de ser livre de sentimentos
também o é por si inefável,
ou talvez seja a dor profunda
que provoca tal emoção, ou neste caso falta de.
no fundo, sinto- me inerte emocionalmente,
algo que não é de todo explicável,
assim como não o são os meus melhores momentos.
ambos ocorrem com a mesma frequência.

we met in a world without matters
behind the screens, we shared smiles and laughters.
we trusted eachother at first sight,
i know that between us something just felt right.
we shared with eachtoher our joys and tears,
forgotten passions, missgivings and fears.
hand in hand yet never touched hands
miles of distance but close we stand.
sacred secrets, scary thoughts,
woes and worries, tenderness fraught.
distance matters but it never does here,
perfect strangers friendship austere.
the strong sould connection,
the connectivity between our hearts,
the understanding we have,
how could we ever be apart?

lembra-me um sonho
esta noite que passámos
onde a vulnerabilidade
permitiu que fossemos
inevitavelmente desejados
um pelo outro.

mas, tal como o sonho
tudo acaba quando acordamos
onde resta a minha dignidade?
e se prometessemos
ficar de olhos fechados
nos braços um do outro?

talvez de manhã
ainda pudesse saborear
o teu beijo uma ultima vez.
um escape de realidade,
um engate conveniente
uma noite que fica para sempre.

talvez amanhã
quando eu te ligar
e atenderes desta vez
verás que a minha sobriedade
só me deixou mais contente
por termos dormido frente a frente.

as minhas mãos tremidas
os teus calos nos dedos
a tua boca quente na minha
os nossos suspiros conjuntos
lembra-me um sonho
dos mais bonitos que tive.

com medo de ser esquecida,
medo de ser mero brinquedo,
não disse nada do que tinha
para dizer, porque juntos
foi a primeira vez que o sonho
me disse: “vive, margarida, vive!”

espero não me arrepender
de te ter dado o meu anel
que nunca sai do meu indicador
mas que naquela noite
só parecia encaixar
contigo, de mãos dadas comigo.

não sei se me vais responder
ou se preferes ser fiel
à tua propria dor.
só sei que foi a melhor noite
que podia desejar
porque acordei contigo.

tonight, i looked at the stars until i cried.
except there was only one bright star in the sky,
maybe to resemble loneliness in the night.
it was me and the star and the world just breathing,
or perhaps it was a planet, venus, sometimes visible.
as i cried my worries and thoughts away,
the sky remained the same, calm and astonishing,
telling me its okay to stay.
the problem is i didn’t really cry
because my body doesn’t allow me to,
even tho the “sadness” i feel is enough to make me do so.
i imagined myself crying to the skies,
when in reality i was just sat alone on my poor terrace
with tears in my eyes.
if i keep trying, will the stars continue to shine?
or are they already dead but the speed of light can’t tell us yet?
do the stars gaze back at us?