he said her name as if it were a prayer but i don’t think he’s religious. if he believes in anything, he believes in himself. she found salvation in his eyes, and swore he was her savior.

she spoke in tongues when his hand was tucked between her thighs, she tried to not his verses out of context. but ****, it was weighing on her conscience.

there was a warrant for my arrest not too long ago

it was all over the news, and i couldn't help but laugh. why would they put that out? my body standing amongst the blood-stained carpet. they say i'm a murderer.

body found, they found it still in it's clothes in the bathtub but they could still see the mutilation. the place looked horrendous. i knew there was only just a matter of time.

it seemed like those crime series where each episode gets them closer to the killer, but with the way these scenes are being handled, they can't find dna on the body.

they can't find the ****** weapon. all that's there is the trail of blood from the carpet to the bathtub from the victim. out of all places, why did they choose the bathtub? they could've gotten help.

you see, you ask yourself these things because it's ******* logic. i asked myself these things too before my head went under the water.

i don’t know much about love and heartbreak but—

i. i’m in this god forsaken awful party filled with people i’ve never seen before, and i’m trying to find you in the crowd because our hands are no longer clasped tight. my heart is hitting my ribcage harshly over and over again and my chest is locking up. i find you with your arm around her.

ii. i scrub and scrub until my skin is red and stripped of all your bitter truths and acid kisses. citrus and peach are the only things that don’t remind me of you, but now that i’m writing this, i think they do.

iii. i’m sitting on your bed in your *** pistols shirt and you’re playing with my hands. you tell me you love me and that you see a future with me. my eyes light up and i’m daydreaming of a life with you. but then i remembered, it’s 4am and your lips like to lie.

iv. your mama kisses me on the forehead and tells me i’m the daughter she’s always wanted. she also told me that if we don’t get married, she’s gonna have a stern talk with you. did she ever do that?

v.  my hades, i don’t know much about love and heartbreak— but you are always the first thing that comes to my mind when they ask me how i’m doing.

unanswered phone calls at 3 am / shattered broken beer bottles on the wooden floor and broken cigarettes in half filled water glasses  / blackish black mascara running down my foundation stained cheeks / your hand wrapped in ace bandages while your brother fixes the hole in the wall for the third time / inner thigh touching and eager red stained lips / another night of me wishing things were different.

i always told you that if you fell
i would catch you
i swore to myself over and over again
that i would catch you before you hit the ground
but i realize now
you never once said you’d catch me.

your hands on my hips, your fingernails
sinking into my skin making it draw blood
and now the blood runs down my leg and drips onto the cold tile floor

no matter how delicate you are with my body
you always find a way to hurt me.

bruised bandaged knuckles
and a cigarette between lips
it seemed as if i fell in love
with the boy who seemed bad for me

his hair was as black as the blackest ink
just like the ones on his skin
his eyes were as dark as the chocolate i loved devouring in the middle of the night when i needed a midnight snack

he wore leather as dark as his heart
and he smelled of expensive cologne and regret

he tasted like cherries and shame
but i loved the way our tongues danced

for once i want to be the one he chases after
instead being the one who chases him.