they say eyes are windows to our souls
so why hasn't anyone seen the beauty within mine?

and this is when i learned being alone is safer than being with you
your knuckles are bruised and wrapped in ace bandages
you told me you just had a bad night and it'll all be fine in the morning

but the bad nights just kept coming
the ace bandages never unwrapped from
your hand but you swore the light at the end of the tunnel was getting closer and closer

i don't think your dollars held together by a rubber band and smooth lies are going to save you this time

you can't keep avoiding the problem and expect it to be fixed and solved by itself
it doesn't work that way

once something goes wrong, you immediately flee and never look back
until you do and the problem comes back
but you're too much of a coward with too much pride that you can't even see it in front of you anymore

i hope my voice rings loudly in your ears telling you that you need to get your **** together and stop living in a make believe world

one day you will realize that not everyone is going to fall down on their knees for you

and it'll be a huge wake up call.

we lit the flower petals on
fire because we wanted to destroy something beautiful

i didn't know i was beautiful
until you destroyed me.

they told me i'd be signing the DNR papers
if i fell in love with you
and i remember putting down my signature

when i told you i’d give you the moon and the stars, i really meant it.

i gave you everything that was pretty **** close to the galaxy, but you said it wasn’t enough.

you didn’t say it verbally with your tongue, but your actions did. actions speak louder than words, and it hurts way worse than you telling me you don’t want me anymore.

i gave you a place to run to, a place to sleep. when you needed to get away, you knew where to go. maybe i should’ve let you be on the streets, but you know you mean too **** much to me.

i gave you true love that was genuine and wholesome. only to get a love that was one sided and filled with trauma. you only loved me whenever it was convenient for you.

i gave you a family for crying out loud. we were going to have our amaryllis and crimson, our happily ever after was just around the corner but you decided at the last minute that you didn’t want to settle down.

mama warned me about guys like you
tearing my sweet innocent heart into two

but the craziest thing that hurts the most isn’t about you
it’s about me
because i’d still take you back in a heart beat.

looking back at my past
i can’t help but feel pure disgust and shame
i choke on the lump in my throat if anyone mentions any slight detail about who i used to be and what i used to do

the men i’ve been with
the pills i took carelessly
the aching sore pain of my self hatred

craving love, i looked for it in all of the wrong places.
i let men touch my body and have their way with me while mama cried at home about how she wanted her little girl back

i’ve been tossed around and broken so many times that i simply have no more pieces left to spare

they always ask me who was i before the world turned me so cold
and i can’t help but reply
‘i don’t know.’

i think i finally know why they called you lucifer.

it wasn’t just about your dark design and the ink covering your porcelain skin, it was about you as a person. the way you walked, the way you talked. everything.

you told me you were a god and i believed you. i put you on a pedestal and kissed your feet, but honey, you are not a saint.

you have skeletons in your closet that you swear don’t belong to you, but if i were to look closely enough, i would see your dna all over the crime scene.

you’re always on the run, who are you trying to run from? me or all of your problems?

you can wash your hands to clean the blood off, but you can’t wash them off the crime.

you left my body sore and hollow those two summers ago and you finally came back to bury me six feet under to leave me to decay once and for all

but if i learned anything from you
it would be reincarnation.