my heart spread wings
which neither you or i did expect
and with a chirp and the patter
she beat these new ligaments
and i felt her on my tongue
escape from my jaw
and your name too
had abandoned my lips

how nice it is to have a weightless chest

the claws of your pride
they dig and puncture my chest
under my left breast
i could scream for a savior
but i do not wish for him

whatever you find there is your treasure
whatever you find there is for keeps

Not because you choose to, but because you cannot.
Feelings such as love do not wash in and away from shorelines.
It breaches levies.
If you don't love me now, you never will.
Because you cannot.
I am the tide.
And that is all,
Lust swelled me in.
Emotion pulled me under.
And consistency dragged me back.
I cannot compel you to think of me.
I cannot focus your wandering eye.
I can only accept what is true.

Reality of an unrequited heart.
Oceans and the riptide tearing me apart
O' sailer wondered to here
In a nights course of dreaming I lay here in fear.
No returns and no tomorrow
I gave you my heart
And now you return it back with a fee
Tainted ***** of  salty ocean ****,  
algae .
As if I have the stability anymore to recollect:
I don't.

home is a memory away,
you are near.
closer than you thought,
maybe even closer than you want.

I want those things
I have never wanted
I want you, forever.
I want to wake up in the mornings to look over
at your scarred face.
I want you to kiss my forehead
Like you always do.
And call me lil' lady.
And smother my body in the morning like you used to.
And you feel like home.
You are the feeling between my toes,
You exist in the fibers of the frieze.
Chattering inside the dish washer,
Humming my name in the shower.
And you are only a memory away.
And I am trying.
I am trying to hold it all together,
but the foundation is cracked.
I am so alone.
And I will give and give and give
to deserve you.
And I will wait.
I will.
Until we find a place.
After a while I had hoped for packing lunches and bingo cards.
Bad timing for now I guess.
But patience is a virtue,
I just hope it will see the sight of this unholy author.

Despise the way absence become routine,
Ritualized thoughts.
The aroma of a meal,
One I have had before,
One I had before with you.
Stopped drinking.
Your songs are much softer when sung in sobriety.
I can look at other men.
I can flirt again.
I can be silly.
Best with you.
Here has been ten rounds of four weeks and all of those nights
Not one where you have not become phosphene,
A hallucination.
The kisses on the foreheads were the worst.
Dreamt of most.
Means something.
And!
I'm trying to find the key,
And I'm trying to unwind these binds
And I'm trying to release your chain
And I'm trying to fight the same fight.
And you aren't here to help me,
But you are also so present.

And I know you do not want me anymore,
Foolish poor tainted heart o' mine still cheers on time.
A ****** shame.

to those who claim to be bored
with everyone
they
surround
themselves with,
know you are
a:
flake,
a speck,
unappreciative ****,
a selfish-
poor friend,
greedy and
self absorbed,
and you,
yourself
are too
very very
boring.
more so.
because
a.
you lack
imagination

b.
you are predictable
on presumption


such claim is a self fulfilled destiny.
we focus on hypocrisy
and fail to see the hilarity.
laugh.

I have been reading more.
I have been tipping my waitresses more.
Stopping on intersections to pet the passing canine.
Attempting to watch what I eat.
Having strong work ethic.
Bumming a smoke.
Paying the electric on time.
Talk less about me,
Let's hear more about your day.
You, you, you.
That should sidetrack the deafening of my thoughts.
Throwing pennies into fountains,
Tossing a dollar or two to the street performer.
Seeking fulfillment.
Not there,
Not yet,
Not happy,
Not a ton.
With this pattern I await a beacon.
With this pattern I await direction.