A ****** crossed
a crescent moon
in a twilight sky,
the wind whispering
"Is this a blessing
or is it a curse."

Falling stars pass through
the pastel splashed canvas
of a Northern night
heading toward
once green fields
***** and on fire
with no morning's dew
for rest bit.

To the south
mountain tops
pushing jaggedly  
through milk white clouds,
their tips, rock bare and alone,
always looking down on the world,
their stone being smoothed by
one hundred million winds
through one hundred million years.

Only time will tell
if there will be a human shadow
to bask in the rays of a close enough Sun.
Playful gods, mythical legends telling us that
any great wrong will be found out.
A Proverb's Fallout dripping
down our brow like interest owed to creditors.

I thought i wanted you
I imagined our love and how you would feel
But reality snuck up on me
You didn't have room for me
I wasn't a part of what you imagined
Now i'm left to collect the pieces
Of what could have been

I enjoy the chase
I desire something he won't give
I give nothing and expect everything
It's like I was made for this
I know what is coming
I see it approaching
But i won't give it up
It causes me pain
But i hold on tightly
Its a crippling pattern
Chasing the unavailable

I feel like a dead body
Emotionless but so sad at the same time
How did i get to this point?
There is nothing to look back at
And nothing i can look forward to
I know the truth but i run from it
I smile on the outside
But on the inside i feel it
It's like an old familiar friend
I greet him with open arms because
It's just oh so comfortable
It's exhausting being two people
It's like i was set up for failure
And i believe it will never end.

i don't know what to say except for that
i'm sorry for loving you so one-sidedly
and i understand that i smothered you so completely,
and you jumped to me too quickly.
and i shouldn't have flirted with you when you were so emotionally unstable.

i drew you in just to have you spit me back out four months later,
and a deep pull of ***** won't erase you from the deepest corridors of my mind.

and i believed you when you said nothing would change;
you promised,
you promised,
you promised.

i deserve to feel this deep-rooted despair
sinking lower and lower into my chest
and how far can you drop
until you reach the bottom?

the words inside my mind are jumbled and i keep seeing images of us kissing and me laughing and water gun fights and afternoon naps and showering together and long hugs. and i can't stop this jigsaw puzzle of memories from taking over and infecting my lungs, my heart, and there are ten thousand people in a room and i've never been more alone in my entire life. sunday nights are akin to skinny dipping in the ocean in the middle of January when you're shaking and rattling and it seems that the cold has seeped through to the tissue that compiles your bones and then i remember one am at the lake and walking around at the beach and looking at the moonlight reflecting off of your pool eyes and god, i wanted to tell you right then that i loved you. but i didn't, and i never did, and i never have and you told me that you love me as your best friend when you broke up with me two months later, and that friendship is the most important thing and did i always want to date you? and that's a slap in the face because you wanted me so badly, you were frantic to have me and i caved too easily, letting you absorb into my bloodstream and caress my deepest thoughts. maybe i never did love you, or maybe i did, and i think still that love should be given freely even if you've known someone for two days. and you must know that i feel cheated and played because you've left me, you've gone back to her and i pray that she doesn't take you back but we all know that life isn't fair and you were never mine in the first place. but understand that i gave you everything i had and that still wasn't enough to make you stick around, and i am beginning to rethink everything i ever did for you. never in my life have i been rude to you, and i am so hurt by your carefully chosen words and they cut me and slit my throat and it isn't the best to be called pathetic by someone who called you beautiful three weeks earlier. i'm not sure where your anger towards me comes from but i will continue to say that i'm sorry until you scream at me to shut up because i am sorry, i am sorry i am sorry please come back and be mine. i don't know what I did wrong and everything hurts and you can't make me feel right but you can sure as hell make me feel worse.

There's a really heavy typewriter on the shelf above me.
It's old. It's broken. It's beautiful.
"I wish I could use it." is always my first thought when I stare up into its under-carriage of prongs and teeth.
It doesn't fit on the shelf, and it surely doesn't belong there.
My first thought should be "That may fall and **** me at any moment", but I think I avoid that thought because I kind of hope it does. What a way to go out. Not intentional. I didn't put it up there with the intention of it becoming some sort of Medieval time-bomb, but the symbology behind that accidental death would be enough for me to be satisfied with the ending of my life.
If you manage to banish the senseless fascination with your imagination's speculation of what people will think of you if you do THIS...or when THAT happens...then what's there to fear about failure? Failure just becomes progress at that point.
There's a really heavy typewriter on the shelf above me, and a part of me hopes that it falls and bashes my skull in.

I see your teeth
In the dark
Silently gnashing,
Grinding and clashing.

Bone
Bleached white
In sunlight
Scarred by teeth -
You bit down hard
You tore through flesh

You took your meal
Washed down with tears, with grief.