your monkey mouth spits wise, putrid- like delicious and suffocating, sugar-acid soaked cotton. drying me out and crumbling the stones. kicked the back of your chair. burned holes in it. anything to get you to shutthefuckup with the unrelenting rambling.  i would set fire to your ego --- if i didn't think the flames might fuel an unqualified hubris; nourishing it like flames would lick it's lips at dry rot drapes and discarded wicker patio furniture. your white teeth gnashing in passion over your own thoughts in the dark. your face shrouded in perspiration, agony, devotion, ecstasy and anger catches lights off flickering streetlamps careening down the backstreets of your self involved sincerity and the suburb we grow older in-- each home they built there uglier than the last and yet... tantamount to one another. a symmetrical cemetery. pursed, chapped lips and noxious smoke. i could die here. nodding and satisfied.
sliding sideways into a more intense disgust,  i catch your gaze in the rear view--- a moment of terror-laden, dark lager stare as if your eyes might know my predilection for pain. charming me back into your misery. passing it back and forth like a wet, sticky pipe- i could breathe you in all over again. blackening my lungs. scratching a line down my insides. rendered me flimsy and clouded again. when i crawl in next to you it's those slender spider leg fingers digging in. i love you. i hate you. all over again.

i can remember
listening quietly
to myself. a boy with eyes like fresh bruises and
long fingers. and a throat. lithely he wrapped
with them
spelling out silence, running his fingers over the ridges
counting out the seconds. letting the steam
drift up to his nostrils. patience and soulless verbiage. wasting hours on this. screaming at the walls. challenging nothing. the platform was empty.
he was vanishing already. fading. it was the warning before the
decline. decisive agitation.
and i remembered only
by the smallest margin
what used to be there.
and i can remember listening quietly
for the echos
of inapparent
and
disingenuous exchanges
where you could hear the smile
in the hello
where you could feel the rush
in the embrace.
and i wondered with my knees pulled up
under my chin
what currents
carried us so far from that place.

Once upon a midnight, dreary,

Top Hattie twinkles, lipstick smeary,

...spinning girls like Mischief Managed all glittery on the ball room floor,

I was taken, most completely.

...Batting lashes indiscreetly.

D'lilac lips that pouted sweetly, a Circus Girl that knew the score.

I pinched myself, could i be dreaming?

Of this Nymph, this Empress gleaming?

was her Diva charm misleading? Shoe Addicted Troubadour.

A Siren in Styletto thrilled me,

Abracadabra wish fulfilled me,

......Medusa eyes that drew, yet stilled me- Retro-Futuristic roar.

Like an Airborn Unicorn descending,

advanced upon me unpretending.

my heart of Dragon Scales extending for this Cupcake Thief I'd cover for.

"Mirror Mirror" she whispered, smirking.

Countessa Fluorescent had caught me lurking,

and sent my Great Pink Planet jerking, Cosmopopping, Centrifuchia war.

My Beautiful Rocket was set to swinging,

No She Didn't hear the ringing

in my ears the Twilight singing, to the Limest Criminal on the floor.

my darling maudlin
foolish, peculiar. under-fed.
gushing, pressing your tongue against my teeth
urging please

to speak//to speak.

                                  hosting riots
in my veins. extending out
rushing through my limbs
and then dissolving. quickly while i wasn't looking.
unspecific. waited too long. decision. decision. indecision.
no...

i always miss you
exploding under my skin. that over relished and insecure
notion
of being neglected. untouched. urgency and passion. flicking flickering. thrashing back into my throat splashing in the backs of my eyes. sneaking out the corners. searing like bile. whispering my name and asking me
who are you (again and)
who are you
who are you
i was...


(something)

lost and found and lost again. renamed and redesigned and turned
inside out again and again.
and again and
but i try to remember before i forget.
my darling maudlin. foolish
peculiar.
with damp hair. pale skin. under-fed
my
                                                    ­                                                (( maudlin.))
unraveling like a poorly made
rag doll. oh ****.

not again.

i twist her up. twitch.

guess i... guess i
been caught up in that thing again.