It began in a hospital room
They screamed at me through the darkness
Do you want to live or die?
I said I wanted to live but the light I saw ahead seemed to beacon me with it's peacefulness
And I can hear my mother crying on the phone "is she going to make it? do they know?"
But I went home that morning
The deafening silence in the car
The thoughts in my head screaming "*******, *******, *******"
They'll really hate me now
And in my school I felt the stares that whispered softly
Don't come here, not again
But baby we both got blood on our sleeves
The only difference is what we believe
Because I've been reduced to a cage
Pulling and pushing my emotions to other corners of my mind
Way too far for me to find them
And we both know that's why I died, and we both know that's how you lived
If I cry will they think I'm weird?
If I scream will they think I'm crazy?
But god, But god can you hear me now?
I'm screaming to you now
Show me a sign or let me go
Because I didn't see you when I was flat lining on a pillow
And I don't understand why you let him leave
God, God. God, I couldn't ******* breathe!
And it seems as though you decided to leave!
Or did you forget you left me here?
Like my mom when I was thirteen
And I begged you both not to go
Because I need guidance, and I need someone to talk to at night
I need someone to pat my back and say I've done alright
I need someone to put the meaning in my life!
Or am I just here to fill a space, to reproduce and then be replaced?
When I really think back, back to when I died
It wouldn't have made much difference
Because everyone drive away from a funeral
Oh my god, oh my god, just make someone stay!

Tattered wooden beams seemed likely to break underneath my footsteps
Tobacco burned a hole in my cheek I soothed with the diet pepsi we'd stolen as well
Nice views look prettier from where you love
Soft ridged lips along the horizon
The air stood frozen along his shaking chest where I lay my head now
Waterfalls lulling me to half sleep, warm with the touch of another being
As you whisper your lips tickle my hair
"I don't have friends. I have drugs. And I have you."
Keeping to your word was the sketchbook that seemed tormented with schizophrenia, melted wax outlining the broken words
"I hate drugs, actually, but you should let me hit that"
I never thought I could breath out of a light bulb
The concept was much too ironic for me
It wasn't even concern until I heard a little voice telling me to stop smelling like her daddy
And the water I used to wash down my medicine poured down my face
The faded recorded seeming to keep time with it "I want to live where soul meets body"
Then it all gets too bright and I can't walk to your car
I didn't think I could speak but my thoughts were out loud
And I asked myself if this is what drugs feel like
Is this what love feels like

When I was a baby I was given a doll
It was pretty though it was small
I thought I wanted to look like her when I was tall
In kindergarten I took dance
I had to learn to wear lipstick as well as my stance
I had to look good to be given a chance
In sixth grade I had a flaw
Acne began and others saw
Kids in my class began to haw
I went home and told my maw
She gave me concealer and a bra
In highschool makeup took half the day
Just to hear nice things people would say
When asked I'd say it's just for play
I didn't have time, it was late
I had to be out the door by eight
No one called me pretty, I would never find a mate
Something better happened, I had time to create

There's a hole in you
There's a hole I can see right through
There's a hole in everyone else too
They fill it with drugs
They fill it with pugs
They fill it with mugs
But nothing fits
They fall out every time you try to sit
Not even the hole filling kits
But if you run
If you turn right towards the sun
The hole makes a noise that's fun
So won't you run with me
You'll see
You can have holes and still be free

Say something, your too shy
Say something, its the only way to get by
Just talk and nothing bad will come
I'll talk to them when I see the next sun
You wont have friends and no one will know you
You won't be noticed or important, too
Just make coversation like everyone else
You can't keep to yourself
Why can't you just be normal
Why does everything seem so formal
So just say hello
Or you they'll never know
They may think you strange if you don't speak
You'll be a freak
But I can't do it and I can't try
I can't do it, my, oh my

There was a flower red and blue
There was a flower I didn't grow for you
I planted the seeds and watched it grow
I made something beautiful, I'll reap what I sow
Everyday I gave it water and light
Everyday it never left my sight
Then you said pick the flower, put it in a vase to see
You cared for the flower, like you must care for me
I worked hard to create it
And in your house it would fit
You left and my flower died
I cried
I asked myself why give up something on me relied
Why give up something when you could lie

Two whole years since I've had sleep
For you I keep
Say it's been forever
Never
Do you feel me
You can heal me
I could die and never know
Another love glow
Years crawl and years pass
Too slow yet so fast
Scars fade and scars cast
Faces masked
Five years since I did rest
I can still breathe in your chest
What have I missed and where did I go
The days stopped and still flow
I told her I loved her and I lie
First love would never die
Stranger now to me
You're the only one I see
Twenty years down the line
I'll still be waiting for a sign
The pictures are all broken
Older still are our words spoken
Until we turn sixty
My memories are misty
Married but still alone
Imagining you coming home
The kids are grown
All my seeds sowen
First love still swollen
I kept on until I didn't
Wanting another finish
We were buried states away
And if asked who I was you couldn't say
Maybe a girl coworker or from school
But me, I had always loved you