I look back on  minutes that
drag on- and yet months
have seemed to escape.

Clawing hands of time, I beg
for those moments
back in mine.

I have searched for every last
bit of warmth I could find,
groping the bed for some
tangible piece of this
disaster you left.

Every breath of cold stings just
to remind me that I am alive.

The sun warms my face
the cold splits my skin into
shards that fall to the ground
and effortlessly blend in
with the glinting snow that
has been wintry blanket over
the nuances of my soul.

There isn't a single word to
be said- the silent struggle will never
be heard by deaf, unappreciative ears.

Every passionate heat I’ve ever known,
killed by ice you left coursing through my organs.
If you’d even look my way-
you could watch my vibrant blue veins
running up and down my skin coated skeleton.




Time lingers on and
words are always left unsaid.
I distract myself with
the coming of seasons,
but I cannot part with warm
memories of our time.

My muscles once swam so graceful under
my skin, but now they are rigid and
stiff with the winter’s freeze.

I haven’t closed my eyes to you just yet.
I could still see all of the things
that I should have said floating to
the ground between us. Silent flurries
of words built up behind my eyelids,
I refused to let them melt and
well out as tears.

I couldn't let you get to me like that.

Ocean waves washing up dead bodies
on the shores inside my mind.

The distant fear of storm clouds rolling in
obscuring the future of everything.

Internal dialogue screams, demeaning
roaring, beating like trees in the wind.

“Sure you have it all together now, but
don’t forget how easy it could be to fall!”

Fear inside remains stronger than me,
don’t be fooled by the placid exterior seen.

This is the fault of my mind’s own demise,
the storm never warns when it begins brewing.

The hurricane destroys windows and doors
leaving me emaciated on the barren floor.

Anorexia starts by starving the soul
I’m trying not to dig up old bones.

She's a happenstance mistake,
a healthy baby born on Independence Day.
Four days of work- for all it is worth,
nights of hearty cries
the soundtrack to a sudden, upside down life.

The needle pulling history
repeating different color threads-
patches of cloth, events and mistakes
patterns running through time,
past always stitched together.

I'm wondering where you came from,
drawing memories from the back of my mind.
I can only make up stories
as you sit in solitude
curving glass, covered in dust.

The alleyways are empty at this hour.
Only the vagrants, ******* their cigarettes, and strutting tom cats roam.
Nights drenched in orange glow-
street lamps guide me as
I wander the streets alone.

Is this the life I wanted?
Is this just how things have happened?

You convinced me that I could be loved
that I was beautiful.

I realize I am without you
but it doesn't stop the want.

Now I'm just a whisper
of the smooth low morning voice
I loved to speak to you with.

Now I'm just the skin
you used to touch, and you'd tell
me you liked it so much.

I haven't eaten in two days
because I'm sick to my stomach
over your lies.

White lines, crushed pills
call my name, begging to numb the pain.

I'd let you in again on my own terms.
I'm always twisting words
remembering when you brought me to tears
your stories, your mind is war torn.

Now you're just another
playing me in some sick game
I've been subjected to before.

I ask why I'm never good enough
but I haven't forgotten my worth.

I am crumpled morning hair, black coffee and poetry.
I am deeply emotional, understanding.
I am filled with wonder, every sunrise and sunset.

I would be the dedicated love
you always wished for.

But here I am, questioning
my own worth
because someone else
is blind to it.

I ache for you,
and yet
I pity you
for not seeing
my worth.

en·dear·ing
enˈdi(ə)riNG/
adjective
1.
inspiring love or affection.
"an endearing little grin"
synonyms: lovable, adorable, cute, sweet, dear, delightful, lovely, charming, appealing, attractive, engaging, winning, captivating, enchanting

enough for you?

It started with kisses
strokes, brushes of your skin
igniting my fire
awakening my spirit.

Your hands moved my body
malleable as ever under your touch
and begging for your pent up passion.

You get me sighing, "oh ****"
as your lips make their way
down my thin neck
across my sharp collar bones
down my supple chest.

Everything moves so fast
my heart is racing
you're twisting me and
pleasing me, until I'm begging.

Perched on your hips
you look me up and down
with wonder, your gaze
darting from my eyes to my lips.

You're moving with me
until I can't stand it anymore
I give into the release
flooding your body with my
hot, sticky sweet.

"Wow, I really like that." All you can say
between stunned gasps. I giggle-
splashing and rubbing around
loving the look I've put on your face.

You're back inside me
slamming my body down
mercilessly, until my little whimpers
grow louder and I'm gushing
hot liquid all over you again.

"I really ******* like that." You tell me
and I'm trying to catch my breath.

I give you that look again
working my hips
sliding around-
our bodies connected
a rush that feels stronger than *******.

You're right on the edge-
forgetting the strength in your hands
together we're magnetic.

You push me off of you
but I haven't finished you yet-
I slide down your thighs
swallowing your passion
down my throat, full of love.

We stare in awe
of what just happened
two bodies interconnected
your eyes give you away
and I see you're amazed.

You look at me with adoration
and I'll promise you my dedication
as long as we always have determination
for each other's satisfaction.