when i was five i learned
that dreams and memories
were more connected
then i had thought
and that waking up screaming
and instantly forgetting why
was not 'normal'
but then again
what ever was?

when i was twelve
i learned that
being saved
did not always include
a prince outside your window
waiting to take you away
and that sometimes
your biggest enemy
was the one that
shared your skin.

when i was fifteen
i learned that
******* and making love
were two completely different things
and that mistaking
one for the other
meant a body
that didn't feel like my own
and a frozen heart that didnt function
the way it was supposed to.

and when i was sixteen
i learned that
loving a boy
with rough hands
and smooth words
that made me
want to give up
everything i had
wasn't poetic
but self destruction.

I tried so hard to be more
than a wave in your ocean,
more than a star
in your luminous night sky,
more than a
single cell in your bloodstream,
because it doesn't seem fair
how you're my entire destination
when I am just a roadblock
on your way home.

I tried to set myself on fire
before realizing
that things that are frozen
cannot be set aflame
but if that is true
then why is it
that every single time
you touch me
I feel as if
I have been caught
in the middle
of a forest fire.

Maybe you would love me
If I was a dainty little thing
With a mouth that knew when it was okay to speak
And a pair of feet that didn’t run
When things turned cold.
But instead I am this worn out shell of a girl
With a padlocked heart with a missing key
And poison in her veins
And who would ever willingly search
For something not worth finding
Who would ever want someone so toxic.

Humans do not make good distractions.

2. People always want something out of you so be careful who you give your somethings to because you don’t want to be left with nothing.

3. Be curious about the future because if you aren’t then you wont want to have one and that is not good.

4. Cling to things that have a small chance of being taken away from you. Remember: people do not make suitable anchors.

5. It is not good to be an emotionless little thing, be thankful for everything you feel for some people can not at all.

6. Never question someone’s identity, it is a sure give away that you are unsure of your own.

7. Be cautious of the people who tell you they love you but never do anything to show it.

8. Try not to waste your caught fallen leaves and stray eyelash wishes on people who would never waste theirs on you.

9. You do not miss people, you miss the pieces of yourself you gave them when you let them get to know you.

10. Do not place blame on others for you ever constant sadness, it is your choice to let them effect you or not.