It's not easy it's sure not one of my best years
In alot of ways it could've been better
I seemed to have not shed not enough tears
I've been doing alot of aching , aching and not enough awakening
This year was supposed to be focusing on me more but once again it can never be just about me ... Why Lord?
Im trapped in a world between wants and needs
But im always seeking to help others why can't I ever get a helping hand ... Please?
The young lady who cries wolf and everyone seems to ignore her
But soon as others need me I make it my duty to help them problem solved ... stress free
I can never be happy or more so should I say satisfied
My world evolves around the feelings and duties of others that I can never be justified
Justified in my own life just the fairness of being there for people when the same should go vice versa
But it can never work that way not even with my own mother
Being seventeen man it is a journey but not in a fun way
Trust me this is life lessons in itself but all I can do is hope for better and pray
Momma always said growing up wasn't going to be easy nor fun
But why my last year before im full adult?
There's still things I need to accomplish and need to get done

Stuck in a gaze where all I can think of is you
I know im a handful but i love you deeply no matter what I do
Higher than any drug high off your presence
Something I want for a lifetime, something I just cant resist
Standing by my side when I have no one to lean on
Not judging me one bit, helping me make it through my pain
With a love for you it's hard for me to explain
I know I put you through a lot but baby you just tend to drive me insane
Crazy about you , empty without you
At ease when you comfort me
In a lot of ways you seem to let my soul free
Being me without being judged
Someone who finally understands me , and that wants to see me get up out the mud
You are my everything , my husband and im your ****
It's crazy what love can do to you , but you my guy has my brain on love

Just heard the news that my grandpa just died
Man it had hurt me to know that, even hear my grandmother cry
Gone forever and never coming back
Just the thought of it threw me way off track
Seeming like a dream putting reality at pause
Fantasizing about how it was before, wanting to blame God this is your fault
But no it isn't grandpa your calling was near
Your time had come there wasn't enough time for fear
All the aching and pain several bottles of medication
In and out of hospitals, unsure if you would make it
Farewell Datt Daddy the nickname we your fellow grandchildren gave you
Grandpa wasn't even the name, Datt Daddy was all we knew
Mesmerizing on the old days you would always help us, please Datt Daddy always came through no matter what it was
From walking us to the corner store, to whooping our butts
To cooking us good home cooked meals, always making sure we were stuffed
Through all I've personally been through you never judged me
For anything you always wished me the best, and you would always let me be
Knabby ... Knabby was what I went by
The name you gave me because I had a lot of hair, considering I always stayed fly
Your spirit is surrounding us watching over every little thing we do
This was a wake up call in a way , not looking at this as a tragedy
Glad your in a better place now, glad .... man am I happy
No more stress, no more pain
No more crying, now you can rest
Peacefully drifting into a better era
Datt Daddy we all love and miss you R.I.P Forever

Mama can you hear me?
I am tired of hiding my feelings
Just to step into my world for once
To understand how I've been dealing
I love you to death but you don't see it
I'll **** for you but you don't believe it
Mama can you hear me?
Your one of the things I have to live for
If you weren't in my life I don't know what I would do
Your the center piece in my life, the deep inner core
I know everything can't be sunny, oh and we do have our dark nights
But mama I am tired of faking, and you acting blind
Mama can you hear me?
It's time to confess my true feelings
Sense I myself can't tell you face to face I guess I will have to through my reading
Mama what's wrong with me?
Am I not good enough?
Sometimes you make me think I am crazy
Why can't it just be times are tough
Mama I love you, like love couldn't get no further
You just don't understand how much I need you
Your my left wing of a shoulder
Mama can you hear me?
I know I've put you though a lot
If not now I hope one day we can make it through this
Mama I need you, I miss your warm hugs and your soft kiss
Mama your one of a kind, I couldn't ask for more
I know I am a pain in the ****
I wouldn't trade you for anything and yes that's for sure
Mama can you hear me, I'll always be your little girl
But I am growing up now, and I have to live my life and discover my little world
I hope we can put our differences aside and try to understand one another
Mama your unbeatable, your the greatest of them all
But no matter what you'll always be my mother