Five stories up, I watch the people
Miniature lives I see them go by
Thoughts. Loves. Burdens. Losses.
Complexities I will never know
Broken into fractions
Tiny particles, spectacles.
We are dust.
And time ticks, tocks.
Never once it stops.

Dappled sunlight filters in
Late afternoon meanders by
Absorbing my thoughts,
They filter through
And I am dozing,
Warm and cozy
In my bed of grass
And time just passes,
Never rushing once to fly.

Taking steps is so hard
Without you by my side
Feeling half of what I was
My vulnerable heart still loves
Despite what happened
Despite what you did
How we caught fire
And I burnt down
Your flame consumed me
Dying all around
Suffocating, put out
But living kept you from the drought

Crushed in inebriation
Just one glace to trigger my elation
Dancing in the sunlight
Figures dull and bright
Racing pulse, shaking hands
Explosive loss of coordination
Lost to my intoxication
Drinking you in,
Just drinking you in

There’s a light
In the darkness
There’s a crack in the door
Bursting through with sunlight
Shining evermore

You seem to have captured me
Infiltrated my dreams
And crossed into my seams
In your company
How well you mesh with me
Your hand fits mine
As if perfectly designed
You fill the spaces where I lack
The heat to my cold
The knick to my knack
The strength to my debility
The simple to my complexity
The caution tempering my impulse
The kindness to my insults
I've decided you're good for me
There's nowhere I'd rather be

HyPeR hYpEr Energy
Leaking Seeping
OUT of me.
Coffee Coffee
In my veins
Caffeine Running
Through my Brains.

Insidious catalyst
Deadly poison
Cruel Desire
Crimson Fire
A poised ambush
Pulsing in the dark
A cancerous wound
Eating at my heart.

I glanced your way
You matched my gaze
A brief exchanged
Lingering close to the edge 
Of social awkwardness 
A brief convergence into your soul
For Unable to control am I 
That urge to discover 
Your very gemini 

You broke away 
From our ******* 
Refused those connections 
Scared of what could be 
Of a dalliance too lengthy

That spindly spider,
I watch as he weaves
A tale of luring dreams. Of captivating fantasies
Trapped within those thin silk threads
A story only the privileged see,
Glistening with dew,
Beneath the gibbon moon,
The dreamweaver,
He makes for you a tomb.

The exquisite taste of iron
Lingering enclosed
A sanguineous river
The bequest of mine adversary
A purple mottled blossom
Burgeoning forth
Flowerbed of
Battered frame
Extinguished flame
The corporeal battlefield
Ravaged

Iniquitous intentions
And dominating force
Unabated terror
Reigning forth

As with every new bloom
It claims new ground
A daring boldness
Possessed of strategy
With motives unsound

A brink battled raged
Body consumed
Lost shattered frayed

Within and closer
A planted cerebral seed
Rising forth malady

Nevermore unchanged
Though the body heals
The mind retains
Lasting casualties
Slivered charred remains

Your love is sweeter.
It falls as dew drops
Blanketing the earth,
Covered with jewels
Glimmering in the sun,
Crowned by your diadems,
Made greater by your love,
We lay in this sun-splashed meadow as one.
The wind kisses my face,
Caresses my skin.
You meet my gaze and
I look into the sea-green depths,
Holding mysteries contained and unrevealed.
Hesitant, you reach out to me,
Breaching the distance
Your hand rests on my cheek.
By one touch, these seas spill forth in unrelenting passion,
Blissfully lost to you I am.
Your every movement selfless, beautiful.
The sun, eclipsed by your presence, shines no more
Giving way to the night.
The stars awake and I look to the once blue sky,
Still cloudless, these stars shine bright.
Here alone with you, your love consumes me.
I am lost in you, to you, inescapably.
Anything, everything outside of you dissipates, evaporates.
In this meadow our hands entwined, unbreakable
This union sacred, divine, irreplaceable.
Nights, days, weeks, months, years, I pass with you;
Never was there a love more true.

I’ve always felt this way
Living near you everyday
Once I saw you my fate was sealed
Visions of you were so surreal
Each barrier you broke through, but
You never noticed me
Out in the rain, this
Umbrella was for you.

The air is heavy,
As it occupies this space
Leaden molecules fill my lungs
Weighing me down
My chest aches from the pressure
Breathing, expounding the effort
I in-, ex- hale.
My weakness manifests,
In a state of pure duress.

My fingers felt those synthetic polyester fibers
Small little worm like strings
Moving as my hands made waves
Moss amongst the water
Seaweed in the current

Ripping them up,
Unplanting them all
Tossing them to burn
Little strands of law and order
I sought deeper
Driven to my end

Repetition drove me
Pulling, tugging at those roots
Of your history
Tearing at the surface
Plastic woven particles
Frayed times gone past

I couldn’t cease, stop, leave
The beginning had begun
Closer I came
Yet knowing unnamed

In the movement of the motion
Those peaks fed my yearning
An underground history
To explore
Impossible to cease
I hungered for more

I held those fibers of truth
The dirt was ridden with a story,
Discovered, unearthed
My thirst fulfilled

I am the host of your viral nature
Infected and subjugated
You have climbed inside of me
Completely unabated
Left to run your course

Your tentacles leeching out
Sapping my strength
Invading all I am
My very soul,
Wanes under your control
My veins collapse in protest
Screaming for release
A broken plea
Escapes my lips
A dying wish,
A hopeful reprieve
What else can I do?
I am so powerless against you

I was running,
Until you caught me
I was holding up my walls,
Until you broke them
Down, Inside, I was dazed
That insidious mist l e a c h e d out and
Penetrated
You wielded your words like knives
Explosions of your logic
Shattered my glass vases
Up
    rooted my living room carpet
White and stainless,
Underneath
That pristine exterior,
A chasm
Of waste,
Dark infectious lies
Seeping, probing, l e a k i n g out
Bodies refusing to decay
Eternally rotting,
Awaiting proper Rest
Tired of their
Hastened closet graves
Grinning knowingly,
Daring me to act,
Clawing at the edge of
Subconscious suppression,
Ever l i n g e r i n g at the periphery
They GORGE their holes
Sporadic bursts of guilt
Digging at my scruples
A spark, quickly smothered
An idea, quickly silenced
I kept up those walls
Running,
           running
Until you
           caught
                     me.

I wake in the morning
And I have missed yet another sun breaching the horizon
Clarity comes, full rest rejuvenates.
Before long, worries remembered
Ball and chain secured,
Weighed down by a thousand yesterdays
Each and everyone endured.

Defenseless
Taken away…
I lay on the concrete floor
Tortured by the noise,
Loud, pulsing, relentless,
Destroying, Driving my senses.
Stripped bare,
Frozen in my very bones
Not cold enough to die,
Barely warm enough to stay alive.
Unguarded, I wait
Forever an inmate
Debased,
Imprisoned and alone
Broken.  Apart.

Sitting, waiting, contemplating…
Is it time?
I watch the waves roll up as they kiss the sand.
A sizzle escapes into the air.
The hot, scorching fire put out
Hushed, quieted.
I’m dying…
The clouds float in the water, the sky
The gulls swim, fly
My skin is pink, my energy drained
The sun greedy, taking, stealing away
I’m dying...
I resign, no hope, gone. It’s gone.
I walk ankle-deep
The waves grab at my legs, tugging
“Come” the waves call “Come” they whisper
So seductive, tempting, easy
Knee-deep the wind rushes around me, tussles my hair
The water, cold, numbing, driving my senses
I’m dying…
It pulls, tugs, pushes up to my thighs, my waist
The cold, I **** in a breath, calm
Calming, the rocking, the swaying
I hear the whispers. The wind calls. It beckons. It’s hungry.
“Let go”
I’m dying…
It’s easy. I float, I surrender
The waves sweep me away, buoying me up
I feel light, weightless. It’s so simple.
Beautiful, the waves reach over me, embrace me
The cold is gone, no the heat rushes in, burns
But only for a moment
The dark comes, consumes, soothes
Nothing more, never more…
Finished.

Waiting at a café table
You walk in and I’m disabled
Seeing for the first time
The blue-green-grey of those troubled eyes
Lost in the limelight
Where I found you, saw you,
Knew you in this new space,
Feeling this strange rhyme,
Waiting at an intersection of
Strung out weathered hope
The silence lengthens, the stare deepens
Casting what I knew into distant realms,
Reworking the good and
Finding those lines redrawn
I no longer anticipate, but wait
For those answers only you can give,
Those I was never able to predict.

We sink into our graves
Nicely built for us to stay
A long repose, a rest no one knows
Some of us, we chose
Others never wanted to go
Threads short and long
Stories concluded and others just begun
We lay to rest our worries, uncertainties
No more anxieties to plague us
We leave harmonious
As pounds of dirt weigh down on us
In peaceful rigor mortis

I'll think of you tonight
As I drift off to meet you in my dreams
In the rivers and streams
Of unconscious delight
And in the morning
Everything will feel alright
As I remember our adventures to places unseen
Because I'm waist deep in love
And nothing much can fix this tug
On my heartstrings
Until tomorrow when I
See you again
And hold your hand
Where everything is right
And nothing fully planned
Because with you it could be
Anytime or place on land or sea
As long as you're here with me

I can’t remember the last time…
Exhaustion grabs hold
And it all goes black
An emptiness, which lacks,
Only the moon to shine bright
To extinguish the night.
I gaze out at the blue,
A sea breeze, a gull, and you.
It fades and dies away,
This black and white all goes gray.
The rain falls down in little drops
It pools, collects, and stops.
The fresh air caresses my face
I am lost in this singular embrace.
This is the last time.

Again and again
A kiss exchanged for a piece of me
Steadily fading away
Vanishing into the mouths of men
They care nothing for me
Nor I for them

Bows in my hair
Clothes donned with care
Tears swept aside
So much effort lost
To the inattentive eye

I’m a fragile package
Patched with care
Chipped and ragged
A state of disrepair, despair

Numbed from repetition
Baited. Hooked. Released.
Lost to my worth
Played for gratification

The lies
Expectations
Distortions of half-truths
I bought them all

Run ragged
Through Runway
Mere shades of Beauty
Led me to fall

Feeling ******, yet finally
Learning slowly
The meaning of
For Who I am

Searching for the One
Who accepts this gift fully
I found myself as I was received
The Giver, He gifted me

I love the wind,
Before an evening summer storm
The way it tussles my hair
And swarms around me
The cricket's peaceful warning call
The breath of the sky against my skin
Akin to a feeling of serenity
And walking in the cool night air
Cares slide from my shoulders
Floating to the ground
As this wind before the storm
Swirls and surrounds.

The crowd pushed in and I lost myself
Amidst the waves, the boisterous clash
From where did I begin?
From where was I set in motion?
Absorbed into the great masses
A singular entity lost inside this sea
I move, sway, fall
Crashing with the energy of it all
The surge lifts me up
And sets me down
Colors burst and fires form
Scattering dust and ash
Leaving some things whole
Others torn
Reaching into the distance
A new frontier is found
A sudden consumption
Of all that surrounds
I stand here alone
My two feet
Steady on the ground
Skin prickling like pins
Hot from the forge
Malleable at first
Hardening at last
A new celebration
In this conflagration
Much greater than glass
I shall not shatter
Nor shall I crack
Given a new Hope
I am hard as diamonds
Come forth from coal
Stripped of blemish
Flawless and whole

Your presence muddles time,
Suspending its consequence
Hours stretch to days
Minutes melt away
Seemingly unconfined

But as we are apart
Another shift occurs
Time elapses
Slow as molasses
Ever to be endured

And I cannot wait
To be back again
Where never is there late
And time has lost its end.

Lost in a sea
Nothing to anchor me
Floating.
I can’t stand on my own two legs
Can’t grab hold of water
It slips away.
What my strokes do
Barely prove to move,
What little I try,
My life floats by.

Dryness pervades
On the arid wasteland
Cracks spider through the earth
Desiccant littered through the fissures

Wearied, I seek
Searching, I stumble
Through parched land,
Limitless

The horizon bleeds
As the day ends
Coldness permeates
Into my soul

No direction
This landscape
Void of paths
Here, my footprints
Circles, I wander
Days, I suffer…

Lost.

Lips split from drought
Yearning for balm
Open, asking
Yet not without doubt…

           A
        Clear
      Singular
     Dewdrop
     Answers
        Hope

A jewel from the sky
Promise of Mercy
A tear from God’s eye
I am but unworthy

Dizzy and haggard
I crawl to deliverance
Where once was a droplet
A stream burgeons forth

This water, a well within
Flowing to restore
Never shall I thirst again
Only You do I adore

The spindly, stretching, barren branches
Lifting their fingers to the sky
Reaching for the clouds, dreaming to fly
Slowly up and up, growing inch by inch
You poor shrub, you grandiose sequoia
Fate dealt you your hand
This is where you stand

i. Emptiness,
   Feeling the mess inside,
   Causes me to hide.
   Curling up, becoming smaller,
   Unnoticeable and unseen,
   Protecting some childish dream.
   Ice cold and burning hot,
   No existing name for this twisting pain…


ii. The barley still sways in the wind,
    The rain still falls down.
    The tide still turns,
    But I keep falling all around.

Those colours melt and drip and skip
They play on your face and
In your eyes
Whirls pop and sparkle
Like bubbles, first floating and
Falling like lead in the sky
Your chemical properties
Alter in the moonlight
The grass is the ocean
And I’m sinking down below
An underground explorer
Rediscovering what I don’t know
What I thought I knew
The universe like a project
Scattered and unglued
Pieces into pieces
Your molecules separate and congregate
I see a whole new reality
A beautiful complexity
Now so simple in a moment
Inexplicable, understandable
Epiphany.

A quiet dark fills the room.
A silent calm seeps through the cracks,
Crawling through the spaces
Into little crevices,
Through tiny miniscule holes.
The molecules ooze bit by bit.
Immense force builds,
Inevitable, it climbs
Unstoppable, haste less
It drips,
         drops.
Pooling into little lakes, ponds
Droplets bead on the floor,
Others absorbed by books
Cracked open, papers discarded.
It grows larger.
Eating away at the noise
Inch by inch, foot by foot
All of it, consumed, swallowed
Calm nothing, inescapable
Peaceful dark,
Silence complete.

Here I sit with you by my side
Living in a perfect flawless lie
Mechanical love instead of suicide
Couldn’t find the real thing
Manufactured it instead
A living wonder
Lifeless, but not dead
You are my creation
Void of all elation

Hello to you whom I've missed
A welcome sight you are
Like a dreamweaver
Amongst the midnight stars...

I cannot wait for spring
For the burgeoning,
Grass, flowers, trees
All each emerging
The secret tender growth of youth
A slow but bold display
Revealing to us beautiful truth
The white sweet lilies of May
I anticipate the morning dew
The crisp, brisk air
That carries on
And heats with sun
To become
June's evening fare

Taking some time to think and sit
When all the world is in a fit
I came out today to soak up the sun
******* my feet, their cages came undone
I sat in the cool grass letting the time pass
Winter is nearly over and
The snow no longer blankets the earth
But a clover blanket lasts
The birds today are busy, but so is the grass
This singular blade so still and quiet
Working, taking in the sun
A creation all too unsung
This photosynthetic piece of wonder
Without you, my life would be asunder

Conscious loss of consciousness
Hazy stream of dreams
Brimming space of imagination
Behind the shutters
Of my windows to
The world.

Burrowed in the blankets
Between the sheets of a
Waking world
And insensible slumber

I melt into
Fantastical space
Lost to rules of
Reality or certainty

Miles traversed
Yet respite gained
Entire journeys
To spaces unnamed

Each instance
Of forgetfulness
A salve to the
Deep wounds
Of living

Cocoon of healing
Peaceful loss of time
Whole darkness
Drifting within the mind

Swaddled in warmth
The gentle sun
Signal of the day begun
Shakes the sleep
From within
And I return to
Learn and work and live again

Heavy Weight
Won't Dissipate
CAN'T concentrate
I     H e s i t a t e
To move or wait
Stuck in between
Crushed underneath
Always unseen
Lying Beneath.

Your eyes are my spies
Spilling your secrets
Unearthing what you never say
Revealing your thoughts
You say that they betray
But I would be lost without them
You would remain such a mystery
But with your eyes I see.

I need space to breathe
A place to dream
Courage to speak
Time to think
To absorb through each and every pore
Memories too many to count
Love too great to grasp
Your constancy, fidelity
Confounding me
I need clarity.

Tired and fatigued
Every ounce of strength has
Escaped me
Leaving my body worn and spent
I lay here, thinking
Nothing comes —
It all takes too much to try
To muster the will to survive
My lack of resolve
Has left me undone
My struggle, this fight
Left to be won

I lay here and think,
Maybe the sun will heal me...
Its rays, a balm to my affliction
That its heat and warmth
Will seep into the depths of me
Radiate throughout
And cure the chaos within.
Having bathed in its presence,
I may wake again to find myself whole
That as time passes,
I need only to ***** myself
To discover my soul and body renewed,
Yet a delicate balance exists,
A dalliance too lengthy
And I find my body scorched and burned,
For too much of thee
Have I yearned.

Your touch interrupts my thoughts
Words flee my tongue in knots
I forget & am undone
My focus lost on all else
As if my brain just melts
Have you noticed this power
You have over me?
Controlling my ability
Suspending my faculties?

The lingering mist,
A fog of forgetfulness
Cleansing all that you ever were
This new beginning, your cure
Forgotten yourself and left empty
A lost identity

The steady pounding rhythm
Coursing through my veins
The sign I'm still alive
The beautiful, yet mundane
Focusing, I close my eyes
The thumping fills my fingertips,
Flows to my toes
The beat is in my temples,
At the bridge of my nose
This is the surest thing.
Ever present, unchanging
And the irony of
The inevitable truth:
The beat that never comes
The last final pulse
Of that steady pounding rhythm
The cessation of my symphony,
An explosion of bombs.

Hello beautiful day
New shining light
One beating heart
Help me find a way
To overcome my night
To keep me from my darker part

You can’t cut this tension
You can’t burn it down
All your little hopes
Are shreds on the ground
You took the jump, heart and soul
A
Single
Moment of
Ecstasy,
You lost control

Here lies your remains:
Torn up resolutions
Scattered pale dreams
Bloodied little schemes
Like a child’s ragged doll
Dirtied in the street
Stomped on by
A thousand people’s feet