I don't know knowledge
Really… I don't.

All I know is lack of comprehension
And lust for self-inflicting control.

I don't know what there is to know,
life is full of uncertainty,
lack of direction and a good share of false hope.

I don't really want to know,
it will save me from the pain
from the fate of collapsing
or the rare well-made mistake.

I know just some things...
and of those I really am sure.
I'd share them with you, my dear friend
but they won't serve as knowledge at all.

Slow steps, headed to a path of abyss
dragging my thoughts through the streets...

The shades and the shadows that hunt me alone
they follow and follow, nothing I do makes them stop.

Each corner I turn, I'm hoping to become a homeless soul
intending with every step I take, for the last to be all...

It is now 3:17 am, and the stars never looked better before,
it feels almost like they are happy to see me be gone.

Broken bottles on the pathways, cutting through some old shoes
it is only real pain and blood, that grants me another go.

I open my eyes and it was all a false hope at being lost,
I'm afraid to close them again, afraid I liked the nightmare more.

I dream of taking my life
for this would be a sweet paradise.

I hope the hours of my last breath
to be as peaceful and quite as my blood leaving my body.

The moment when I'll get to feel nothing
when I could again, be loved by nobody.

That sweet memory of your eyes scarring my skin
when you broke me, while being cold blooded.

Angels let me die, demons take me alive
make every moment in my life
vanish before my dying eyes.

Dark were the nights
where my heart left the room,
a heart I lost to you
about eight months ago.

With every drop that reached the floor
a new part of me lost control,
for which I knew with certainty
it was you I just lost...

The nights by your side,
the long hours of talking about nothing
sitting in the porch
side by side to the lonely fountain.

That I had just lost
the person who I loved,
with whom I played with
every time my demons won.

That fight after fight
I poisoned you blind,
I shuttered your everlasting
sweet and pure brightness.

That the very thing I promised myself I wouldn't do
that, which I thought I knew I had control,
that for what I hate myself everyday
"that" won, and I've lost.

Somehow the angels looked down on me,
and saw truth in my cries,
they must of seen it...
saw how I became nothing,
how in my darkest moment
as you were leaving
and my soul was aching,
that if I didn't have you
I would have nothing.

The stars aligned once again,
I had you about 8 months ago,
I knew I didn't deserve you
I knew I had no worth
to be called your boyfriend or let alone, your love.
Now I get you again,
you saw something in me
and I think now I do too,
I see an immense love towards you
one I know I can't go without.

Nightmares that chase my demons
are the kind I like to dream,
when I curl up in bed
sweating and crying,
gasping for hope and dying.

I dream of killing myself
this would be a sweet rest,
tired of fighting
why my heart wants to die
when my mind doesn't allow it...

That sweat moment I dream of
when the blade splits my arteries,
or the bullet reaches the ceiling
carrying with it my sadness.

paint me the color you want
to see me as,
I'm white, but you see me blue.

trace the lines of my thoughts
in the shape you want,
I have many curves, but you only see one.

sketch me as your needs
it doesn't matter who I want to, for you be.
you'll see me how you want.

erase it all

let me take the brush

I'll handle the drawing
of the life I want.

let it go

what are you so afraid of?

you asked for me to love you
how no one has before,
but now you complain I love you
more than the day before.

I'll color my thoughts white
and trace your my lines around you,
for when you wake up and realize
that I'm what you wanted all along.