I dream of taking my life
for this would be a sweet paradise.

I hope the hours of my last breath
to be as peaceful and quite as my blood leaving my body.

The moment when I'll get to feel nothing
when I could again, be loved by nobody.

That sweet memory of your eyes scarring my skin
when you broke me, while being cold blooded.

Angels let me die, demons take me alive
make every moment in my life
vanish before my dying eyes.

Dark were the nights
where my heart left the room,
a heart I lost to you
about eight months ago.

With every drop that reached the floor
a new part of me lost control,
for which I knew with certainty
it was you I just lost...

The nights by your side,
the long hours of talking about nothing
sitting in the porch
side by side to the lonely fountain.

That I had just lost
the person who I loved,
with whom I played with
every time my demons won.

That fight after fight
I poisoned you blind,
I shuttered your everlasting
sweet and pure brightness.

That the very thing I promised myself I wouldn't do
that, which I thought I knew I had control,
that for what I hate myself everyday
"that" won, and I've lost.

Somehow the angels looked down on me,
and saw truth in my cries,
they must of seen it...
saw how I became nothing,
how in my darkest moment
as you were leaving
and my soul was aching,
that if I didn't have you
I would have nothing.

The stars aligned once again,
I had you about 8 months ago,
I knew I didn't deserve you
I knew I had no worth
to be called your boyfriend or let alone, your love.
Now I get you again,
you saw something in me
and I think now I do too,
I see an immense love towards you
one I know I can't go without.

Nightmares that chase my demons
are the kind I like to dream,
when I curl up in bed
sweating and crying,
gasping for hope and dying.

I dream of killing myself
this would be a sweet rest,
tired of fighting
why my heart wants to die
when my mind doesn't allow it...

That sweat moment I dream of
when the blade splits my arteries,
or the bullet reaches the ceiling
carrying with it my sadness.

paint me the color you want
to see me as,
I'm white, but you see me blue.

trace the lines of my thoughts
in the shape you want,
I have many curves, but you only see one.

sketch me as your needs
it doesn't matter who I want to, for you be.
you'll see me how you want.

erase it all

let me take the brush

I'll handle the drawing
of the life I want.

let it go

what are you so afraid of?

you asked for me to love you
how no one has before,
but now you complain I love you
more than the day before.

I'll color my thoughts white
and trace your my lines around you,
for when you wake up and realize
that I'm what you wanted all along.

The tenderness of your heart, boosts my emotions
To alter my reality into a million other options.
The clarity of your iris, the expression of your big blue eyes,
The candlelight feeling, of your hands on mine.
Because you choose me, over all the rest
Because being able to be loved by many, you gave me the chance.
Your prince is who I am, but your king is who I get to be
You as my princess in a white long dress,
You next to me, in our kingdom we call fate.
Your passion, your love, you show me every day what I have lost
You, with your sincerity, and the purity in your soul
Allow me to see every night, what is like to fly.
The sweetness in your words, the innocent little imperfections
That makes for the perfect place for me to stay at.
And is only when I get to see you in the mornings,
Next to my arms, laying over my right hand,
I seat up to watch and observe and try to somehow
To make sense on why it is I get to get you.
My sweet **** white bunny, you make me happy like others could only wish for,
You give meaning to a life, filled with pain, lust and false hope,
Because you are the one for me and me for you,
It’s because I love you, because you took my heart
I took yours, because holding your hands I can finally feel calm.

You don't need to rescue me,
I know myself well enough
to know I'm lost
Lost without cause.

You keep saying you love me,
but I cry out painless tears,
my blood is black
I'm rotten inside.

Love, is not I want to leave you
is just I can't live around you.

In, my darkest nights
I've felt better than a day in this hell,
You say you love,
yet you keeping putting me down,
yet you keep on changing me,
yet there you are
standing tall and denying my pain.

I once said I couldn't live without you,
and maybe this is my way of saying
I'm slowly dying.

At night I cry,
about what I've lived for a life.
I meant to tell you this sooner,
I just couldn't live with myself
for breaking your rude heart.

Love, I can't live
what I have left of pain,
I plan on enjoying it until I die
at least I'll know what it was like
to live without crying.

I leave foot marks where I walk,
the wind is my friend, as it makes disappear what wasn't there..
I become powder by the mill of your thoughts
bathing endlessly into a broken sand clock..

Relentlessly my mind grinds each thought of yesterday's spectrum.
I am not as calloused as I thought;
I stand whimpering in arctic cold
as I watch you ride off with my heart in your mouth.

I thought it meant something when you closed the door,
the happiness I thought I had, blistered like acid on gold..
yet how effortless you put your words into thoughts
how you pick me up with your kisses...
while stepping on me with your heart..

And still you sing with passion dripping from your lips
when like a hungry wolf you devour what I give;
pieces of me scattered at your feet.
My hummingbird heart has slowed its beat.
I run in search of heat but then I remember you also hold the power to revive me.
What are you, angel or demon!