Her eyes are hollow pools
Through which you think you can see the bottom.
What you think are the glittering
Smooth pebbles on the grainy bottom are really
Just the backs of the horrible monsters that swim
On the surface of her tattered soul.
Just. The surface.
Farther down, past those horridly
Beautiful creatures, in the darker,
Colder waters even more things swim.
Blind to everything, but the destruction
Of the few drifting remnants of
Her true self.
And even further down are the
Bones of her lovers,
Her family,
Her friends…
The people she never wanted to be
Dragged down,
Drowned. Along with the emotions
She never should have had.
They sink, slowly, in the silt of her consciousness.
Some with grim-bone grins and silent screams,
Others with spindle fingers reaching
for a surface they’ll never see again.

My sleeves are stained red
by all the truths that I've shed
through these jagged lines on my arms.

I've seen my last shooting star
and traced the last scar
on this tattered heart of mine.

I'll just lay my head down
while I listen to the sound
of my dreams all fading away.

If I had one thing to say
it'd be : don't mourn the day
that this phantom said her farewell.

I promised I'd never forget you
It'd be impossible if I tried.
You were my third love.
You will always be the tall thin boy
with silky curls the color of sunset,
eyes of liquid atmosphere,
and crushed coral lips
you'd only kiss me with
when we were shrouded
in the saftey of my blankets.
In the night you taught me to love.

I.
Heatwaves rise,
from the grey ashes that used to be your home.
Wind blows,
a sorrowful song through the trees.
Failing to dissolve the thick black smoke.
Embers burn,
royal red and gold
and sparks fly into the night after a stray beam falls,
crumbles,
as it lands on your singed teddy bear.
The only thing left.
You were almost three.

II.
Little laughing child
you were so sweet in life.
Your fawn colored eyes were always dancing,
your round plush cheeks always rosy,
your tiny doll's feet always running,
your chubby dimpled hands always reaching,
your frizzy chocolate hair always bouncing,
your tiny rosebud mouth always smiling, laughing,
flashing small pearl teeth in your miniature pink mouth.
I will always remember your smile.

III.
Oh honey child!
You didnt get to see much of life.
You never got to shop with friends,
or drive a car,
or go on your first real date.
But you did get to make those friends
you'd eventually have gone shopping with.
You got to run, eat ice cream, throw tantrums,
and love the people you came in contact with.
You got to make your mom and dad smile.
You lit their world like no light could.
And even though you've gone and your papa's gone with you,
your mom and your friends, those closest to your heart,
will always remember you.

there are bodies in the water
again palms turned up like lilies
petalled fingers curling for the sun

his face has started to turn
blue as the shadows on the banks
greener than the sides of the fish
eating at the hole his rib left

she looks like eve with leaves
caught in her hair and her eyes sewn
shut mouth cut in a smile

and I pray god isn't watching
their decay as I push another
off the pier

In the murky grey-brown water she floats,
contained in a porcelain pool.
Plush and soft
Decorated in a riot of colors,
Splotches of red, green, brown, blue
Spattered along her graceful body.
Bits of her are missing,
Lost in the depths of the smoky water or floating alongside her.
Her long pale blonde hair streaked with fading red drifts by her pale fattened cheeks
And a wiggly white maggot tumbles from her empty eye
Making ripples in the water.
The front door slams.
Family’s home.
More ripples.

Is it bad I wished them dead?
A silver bullet through the head?

Splatters on the wall
no more running down the hall.

Scarlet blood turning black.
Pretty faces going slack.

Heavy metal in my hand.
Legs were shaky, couldn't stand.

Screams pierced the rainy night.
Just wanted them out of my sight.

Crimson tears always burn.
Though my head I'll never turn.

My boots hit the street.
Their bodies leak heat.

They say I'm insane.
Truth is I'm in pain.

Is it wrong I killed them dead?
There are no more whispers in my head.

From the inside out I burn
For eternity I yearn
To be normal

Not to need an escape
Just so I don’t break
To be normal.

Not to feel like something’s consuming me
Entirely.
Whole.
To be normal.

Not to see the worse before the best
To forget all the rest.
Not to tell another lie.
Not to wish that I could die.
To be normal.

heat blurs the evening streets
like waves across asphalt oceans
it all blends into nothing
a mirage,
highway hypnosis,
they won’t notice her
on the side of the road,
long white ears dyed carmine
and the light fading to her eyes
angels will come for her eventually,
with buzzard wings and beaks
they'll steal the secrets
from her bones and leave her
empty like the memories of july
she would have had
if she'd lived long enough

Extaticly shining
Weightless -
- We are flying -
Tell me another lie
More wind beneath my broken wings
-  I'll give you a reason to sing -
Last lover lost
In the gale of tears
- She wasn't crying for * *you ** -
Another stitch in my side
I don't need your last words
- Save them for someone that can hear -
Your yelling in the attic
He won't come this time
- Can't you save yourself by now?  -
We gave in once but not again
And who will start the whispers
- When tombstones make me think of you -

How many beats can you hear
in the stutter-still arrhythmia of my heart
as it slowly fades away?
Could you tell me how warm my skin is
just before it turns to dust?
Do you remember those softly serrated words
You whispered in my ear…
Like a lover’s last promise…?
I couldn’t help but think that you were beautiful,
Even when you hated me.
Then again I think everything is beautiful
right before you die.
The way your eyes burned
as I slipped under the waters of consciousness.
Six feet under.
As I hate you and I always will
echoed through my head the way footsteps do
in an empty hall.
You know they never hurt,
Those words you’d whisper to me
While you stole kisses that never belonged to you,
But I swear they killed me.
Agony sweeter than love itself
It wouldn’t go away.
If you’d only let me fade
Into the nothing that awaits me…
Maybe you could love me again
The way I will always love you.

A pale reflection of yesterday
I sit in my corner,
smothering myself in sighs.
I promised not to do drugs,
so I will only smoke the colors.
And trace the cartography of my skin
with the sharper edge of you.
I wont be afraid anymore,
of telling lies to hide my feelings.
I'll smile,
to the world when it crumbles at my fingertips.
And I'll wrap myself in blankets
to keep myself warm when everyone is so cold.
I wont be anyone's Little Matchstick Girl.

She was sad.
I didn't know why.
So how could I have helped her?
Eased her pain?
Her worry?
I didn't know how
Couldn't know
Shouldn't have figured it out
But I did.
I saw through the layers of steel
Of years filled with torture.
She couldn't see
Herself for the names she was called
Blocking the reflection in the mirror
On the shattered pieces of glass that litter the floor
In the puddles of tears she cried.
Her blindness slowly kills
The beautiful creature she really is
What I try to make her see
Through the chinks in her armor I've made.

I see the cracks in my stars
and yours
and they look no different
from all the mistakes:
your lying and cheating,
all my broken promises.

I don’t have a reason
for every day like you do
I’m lost in the passage of seconds,
in every pause before your heartbeat

Closet full of wax
skeletons I can’t get rid of
They tend to melt
in the cold of your heart
and shape into the only worry
I've ever had:
what will I do when
the spot beside me is empty
where you used to sleep
and the sheets are cold?