Killing myself inside, full of pride, but only to the outside. Praying I will find some comfort in the art I've created only blue to draw out the details of life I was thrown into, giving me anxiety every time. When will I feel, the sliminess of the eels ******* at my toes for the journey that abides me to ride this path of life. When desperation brings me so far under, so I can once again feel something on my own, why only then will I call out your name? I want the help I've never received, to teach me, engulf me in thought, no more silence, I want a ******* riot. Standing side by side with people like me. Screaming and crying into the night to take back the right of my security, finding comfort in the dead light. I might become ill in that moment of standstill, but only then time will tell what is rightfully mine inside my mind.