I remember you when you were fifteen.
Holding your first cigarette between your manicured nails and smiling at the moon.
And through the years
I've seen you spend most of your time trying to escape your thoughts until six in the morning
With a book and a cat
The two things you called the greatest loves of your life.
I've seen you walk down flowery paths with the sun in your eyes
And through darkened forests, wondering desperately where the sun had gone.
I've heard you talk about death and God, your favourite whiskey and your dog. About the most shallow and mundane of events, and the deepest of philosophies.
And I see you now
In your plaid shirts and lace-up boots,
Trying to hide your face in your hair
Calmly turning away every chance at love you find
Searching desperately for distraction
In a gram of ******* and the pen and paper sitting by your bedside.

You were blonde-haired and blue-eyed
I came to know this was what poison disguised itself as
Made up of a million broken pieces
And I swear to god you reduced everything else to a blur...
To absolute irrelevance.

You met my stormy skies and turned the greys into blues
And brought my racing thoughts to a crawl
Turned muffled cries into symphonies and shined the sun onto everything I did...
Everything I saw.

But in this stillness you silently disappeared
And my skies went from blue to wine-stained and the sand on my beaches turned to cigarette ash
You took the heart you created and the soul you introduced me to...
And left.

But I promise, had the poison not already killed me
I'd gather the ashes you shattered me into
And spend forever getting back to you for *one
Last
Sip.

Obsession was the name of my game.
I didn't know how to love healthily.
I allowed myself to be ****** in
By the vacuum that was you.
And in return
I crushed you.
With my hellfire
And the blood of wolves
Coursing through my veins and
You did not weather the storm
For I was not a breeze.
I was not a breeze, but a hurricane,
Bringing destruction and chaos to everything I touched.
So I walked alone
Ever searching for someone
Who could take me as I was
Who could handle the sounds of my cries
The hurricanes from my wings
And did not try and tame
What they could not.