I do not want you to
Enjoy my poetry
I want it to hurt you
My unbridled teenage rage
And angst
Don’t you dare smile
Or laugh at the times that I
Am suffering through
I want my words to sting your eyes
Till tears burn in the corners
Making your vision a foggy
******* mess so you can see nothing else
You do not know anything of
What I am going through
Do not try to empathize or relate
To these bruising words
Let them hurt you, maim you
If you want to help me
Let me hurt you
Poetically

Just stop breathing God ******
Stop breathing right now
Understand?

I cannot stand the rise and fall
So slow and steady and alive
It moves me along
Simulates something that I
Do not want to be

Understand?

The human body is a beautiful thing
It’s all emotions and organs and strength and power
Wrapped up in a seamless casing of warm flesh
With blood circulating throughout each limb
Meant to function no matter what occurs
And thus one might think that God or Science or whomever

So brilliant and wise would make us a little more… resilient

So that my emotions wouldn’t be a befuddled mess
Certain organs wouldn’t ache with pain and desire
My strength wouldn’t fail me when I needed it most
That power wouldn’t hurt those I’m near
The flawless skin I was blessed with would still appear as such
And I wouldn’t be leaking blood all across the floor

I know I haven’t been
‘Around’ for awhile

(In more than one way,
but that’s a story for another time…)

My apologies for that
But I want to tell you

About a girl
That loves the world

She loves cats in silly costumes
She loves taking her socks off at the end of the day

She loves eating till her tummy aches
She loves the rain and the boots that it requires

Cheery, isn’t it?

But somehow those ‘loves’
Aren’t the right ones

They’re not the brand or type
Or whatever the hell

That she needs
And craves deep down inside

Which results in a little thing
I like to call depression

Which results in
Suicidal thoughts

Which results in
Blades and blood and tears

And all the effects in
‘Those categories’

Not too cheery is it?

You reached my heart
Much like a worm

Crawled through inches
Of insecurity and flesh

Till you reached that
Precious pink sac

You stuffed it full with your
Disgustingly masculine company

Slimy wiles and wriggly larva
The size of my thumbs

Then once I was
Suitably contaminated

You pierced it
Without a drop of remorse

Maggots and sludge
Emotions and memories

Burst and
Spatter across

My ******* and neck
You made your presence

Well known in my
Dying and infected carcass

I have begun to
Stiffen up

When a particular word
Walks into the room

This word is an intimidating and
Curvaceous woman

With crimson red lips and
A horrid laughter that leaves me

With reddened, chafing ears
And misted vision

Have I fallen victim?
To Beauty’s dear friend

Insecurity, a wide mouthed *****
Whom manifests in every human’s features

The zit above my brow
Or the scar along my lip

In actuality Insecurity seems
Unaware of her duty to ruin me

Instead she has allowed Beauty
To ****** my subconscious

For beauty has crawled in my skin
And made herself quite comfy

She has reddened my lips
Given me corn silky hair and height

Everyone loves her and the
Glimmer that she has put in my eyes

That shine is actually the sheen
Of foggy tears

But what admirer
Gives a **** about that?

This beast; Beauty
Within my skin

She is all
That I am good for

Sphere of
Yellow

Hangs as an
Ornament

The inky
Darkness

The blackened
Night

Instances beneath the lunar
Deity

Swathe me in
Shadows

A murky
Déjà vu

Pulls forth clouds
Remembrance

All the aging
Memories

Or perhaps a storm
Doubt

Between me and
You