It was as
I floated there
The chilled waters licking
At my bare skin
The hot sun soothing
My stressed muscles
That I realized
In her rather warm
Embrace
That I really did
Like Her
No
Scratch That
That I really did
Love her
So with
Vague butterflies
A soft smile
And a gentle tug
I pressed her mouth
To mine
Tasted chlorine
Lip balm
And love

I do my
Best thinking
When I am cold
And I do not mean cold
Such as
Mild shivers and
Light body quakes
I mean
**** straight
Runny nose
Over the top
Wooly sweaters
And hot chocolate
To soothe
My frozen bones


I suppose the
Intensity
The feel of my
Frigid skeleton
Pressed against my
Clammy Skin
Wakes me up


So I sit there
****
(Because God knows those sweaters were hideous…)
With a glass
Of frosted judgement
And ponder over thoughts
That were previously resolved
Only to reconsider


Why in God’s name
Did I say that to her?
Do his stares really mean
What they imply?
Did I leave the stove on?
Till my mind
Liquefies
To mere mush
And the chills
Overtake my curiosity
Are replaced by
A mug of hot beverage
Of my usual lukewarm distaste

Matted autumn leaves cling
To every surface
The cold concrete streets
The orangey red brick walls
The chipped facade exteriors
Of road lamps much like me
The peeling rusty paint
Dotted by bits of dampened foliage
Little knotted up black things
While road lamps don’t give a ****
I have to pick them off my clammy skin
And then they get under my nails
They are abundant right now
Like all the other frustrations of my daily life
Sneaky little *******
The air is incredibly damp
It’s thick with fog
Carrying with it a familiarly pungent
But ever revolting scent
Of a funky little diner down the street
That makes my freckled nose wrinkle
Reminiscent of the scent of past disgusts

I am content
To just sit here
I do believe
I am content
To just sit here
Watch you bloom and
Watch you blossom
Witness you cry
Witness you suffer
Observe you mature
Observe you nurture
But remain the
Exact same myself
I am content
To just sit here
I do believe
I am content
To just sit here
While you are the
One to live life
Experience
Everything that
I am far too
Frightened and
Immature to
Ever do myself
I do believe
I am content
To just sit here
Because I am
A coward myself

Quit doing that, girlie
Them fiber threads
That you keep on plucking apart
Drawing ‘em out till they snap
Like they’re **** corn silk?
They goin’ break if you don’t stop it
Them my ****** brain cells
Quit doing that, girlie

Quit doing that, girlie
You keep on strumming
Them ****** chords
You know them chords
Them red ***** chords?
They goin’ break if you don’t stop it
Them my ****** heart strings
Quit doing that, girlie

Quit doing that, girlie
All that laughter you keep on doing?
Ya know, that lilting giggling ya do?
Well it’s like ****** syrup
Leaking n’ logging up my ears
They goin’ break if you don’t stop it
Them my ****** ears
Quit doing that, girlie

I just might break.

Matted autumn leaves cling
To every surface
The cold concrete streets
The chipped facade exteriors
Of road lamps and me

Hugging my clammy skin
Little knotted up black things
That I have to pick off my skin
Only to have them get under my nails?
Those are abundant right now

The air is incredibly damp
It's thick with fog
Carrying a familiarly pungent
But ever disgusting scent
Of a funky little diner down the street

Someone has restricted my wrists
Trapping me with iron chains and roughened ropes
Chafing a sour burn on me when I struggle
Trickling a harsh burn on my membrane
Intensified by the comprehension that I’ll never feel her touch again

Someone has shoved a *** of socks down my throat
Trickling the ever sour bile taste down my esophagus
Tarnishing my tastes permanently with the substance
Choking my breathing tubes with a surfacing lodge of *****
Worsened by the reality that I’ll never taste her lips on mine again

Someone has leaked chloroform inside the room
Smelling its’ vague yet distinctively sweet scent
Expanding in my nostrils the substance is
Rising to suffocate me with its scent
Knowing I’ll die with this scent in my senses instead of her’s

Someone has planted a speaker within these walls
Echoing replays of her voice in my mind
Rerunning the sound of her hysterics
Driving nails into my eardrums
Lodging the knowledge that I’ll never hear her laughter again

Someone has placed
Disorientation in front of me
Swirling confusion and vague pain
Swindling my common sense down to nothing
Masking the sharp feeling that she always gave me