whenever I smoke,
the cigarettes all feel
like you.
with them I can't breathe,
yet smoking's all I
wanna do.

You said you need somebody
that's warm for December.
But I've been freezing
for as long as
I can remember.

Fire and blankets
don't keep me warm.
I shake like a dog
who's been out in
a storm.

I'm rushed to the hospital
to find out what's wrong.
Sitting in the waiting room,
"The doctor won't be long."

They cut me right open,
and look in my chest.
"She doesn't have a heart!"
Just like everybody guessed.

Sometimes the things I say
don't match up with
what's in my head.
It's kinda like
how our blood is blue
but when we bleed it's red.

we come into this world crying
as if as newborns we're already aware
of all of the suffering
and people dying.
of all the genocide and ****.
of how the love doesn't outweigh
the hate.
put me back into my mother
and my mother into hers.
let's go back until there's no one left.
just one boy and just one girl.
tear the fruit from her hand,
and tell her it's forbidden.
tell her about the outcome,
maybe this time
Eve will listen.

I blame it on the easy things,
my parents,
past relationships,
black holes.
But it's always been me
that's been in
control.
Deciding to stop
when they told me to go.
Screaming out "yes"
as I was choking down "no."
Pressing the pedal
when I should've gone slow.
My actions and my words
never quite match up.
Saying I'm healthy
as smoke fills my lungs.
Calling myself an atheist
but telling it to God.
Sitting here wondering,
When will I stop?
I can blame it on the easy things,
stimulants,
a chemical imbalance,
the doctors white coat.
But it's always been me
that's been in
control.