If there were a time when

my heart could have felt,

in all the mess and brokenness,

something -

some kind of hope, some kind of peace in losing

you...but I never did.           And I still can't.

our past is still my present, and I cannot

understand my life without you.  This gaping hole you left feels

so empty.

once I knew.  I knew what happiness was without you, but now

my heart is filled with hollowness, hidden

under layers of gall.  Now, I

cry myself to sleep, knowing I can never get back what we once

had.

I think you hate me.

I think you hate me,

and I don’t blame you,

but it makes me sad all the same.

Because I don’t hate you.

I miss you and I’m angry.

I love you and I’m jealous

of those people you still keep in your life.

But there’s nothing left to say.

There’s nothing I can do

to undo what went wrong.  
There never was.

Reality leaves no room for fairytales.

Only bitter, empty spaces.

Yes, I believe you hate me.

And I don’t blame you.

words...so many words.

too many words are not enough

too many words are still too much.

I cannot find a way to cope with my

too many words and your

too few words.

words that wall up any truth from ever reaching me

words so calculatedly cold

words that leave me bitter and empty;

like salt they leave me wanting more.

my words, too many, yours too few.

when did it come to this?

when did it come to this?

my love stopped loving me

I don’t know how or when

in our weakness he grew bitter

I could not see it then.

He left me with no heart

and I could not understand

the cold and empty world

without my love’s hand in my hand.

I grew bitter from the wound

I still tried to make him see

I tried to work and sort things out

but it was too late for me.

Our story finally ended,

we both left beaten, bruised;

my heart grew calloused and angry

from disappointment, feeling accused

of things I had not meant, things I didn’t want to be

my love  had seen my sin, and I?

I was too blind to see.