I've seen the mistakes I make,
I hate myself for them

Every time, I tell myself "it's okay"
"I can improve"

But every time, I get this urge to disappear
to die

I feel something around my neck
as if it wants me to stop breathing

Maybe I won't be opposed to it
so I can save everyone from my mistakes

you've told me that you aren't ready
that it wasn't because of me

but readiness is not a feeling you can't control
its a decision you make

maybe I'm just not worth being ready for

the patterns
the behaviors
the words said

they’re all so familiar
it’s as if I’ve seen them before

my past relationships
all so similar to ours

the inconsistency
the lies
the uncertainty

all of which are unhealthy
and yet I find it hard to leave

despite the pain,
the tears,
the traumas

I stay

And then I realized

I'm not someone you remember in the good times
I become no one when you have everyone

suddenly, when things go south

I'm the one you seek
Your everything for a brief moment

It all disappears as soon as it arrived

The attention and care
Although meaningless to you
Is appreciated by me

I'm being used, I'm aware
Don't worry, I'm leaving

My rest is no longer you and I together
You were my moon that turned into a meteor
You, my personal happy pill, became the reason to my breakdowns

Please, tell me my love,
What shall I do?

Neither of us willing to let go
You refuse to set me free
I am unwilling to hurt you

Tell me darling,
Will all this pain be worth it in the end?

waking up
dried tears, puffy eyes

i've done it again
cried myself to sleep with guilt in my heart

the guilt coming back every time i think of you

You're a king
yet i treated you like a servant

i broke your heart
yet you're still here

why must you stay?
why do you still like me?

please i'm begging you
Hate me

i would love to be a beautiful butterfly
i would love to go around the world and fly
If this happens i would cry
i may even give the world a second try

i am just a skunk with high dreams
My only friends are the trees
The forest sets me free
But when humans see me..

The self hatred begins

People stay away from me
Because of the fragrance that i excrete
A piece of dung is something my fragrance can beat
Even a bath can’t  set me free

Nothing can set me free