there's one thing I always forget to do
that makes me regret the years
I forget to live in the moment
paranoid and anxious
spending now worrying about the future
loving summer when it's winter
loving winter during summer
not savoring the happiness
and letting it slip by
but I don't live in the moment
I'm always dwelling in the past
when I can make things right instead
always planning what to do
when I can be doing it instead
if I lived in the moment
I would be productive
I would live life to the fullest
I would be much happier

A voice in my head often whispers, "I give up, who cares?"
But of course I would feel this way
A part of me doesn't get why I try so hard
With the apathetic people around me,
I'm slowly losing purpose and reason for trying
What's the point?
Because when I give a ****,
I except others to give more than a blank stare
And I hope I keep trying, aspiring
For in the future, I'll be deserving and I'll take commends

I stand here lost
wondering what I've done
to make others
despise me

I think back to
the mistakes I've made
the fights I've fought
and my chaotic life

What have I done
I'm so obscure
cause they say I'm innocent
but they treat me like the opposite

It seems like I get blamed
for doing what the crowd does
for following my own beliefs
what am I supposed to do

I'm the definition
of what people desire to be
yet I feel like
I'm unwanted

the worst part is
I'm not sure what I'm doing
all I know is that
*I'm ******* up

He's not what others portray
I saw his real self today
As I looked through his eyes
Beneath his disguise
I concieved a different aura
One I've never discerned
It was enchanting like dawn
Forever let on  
Known as dangerous and sovereign
But this morning was foreign
Beneath his piercing words, actions
He's longing to be
Like others with glee
To be known as an equal
Even just for a twinkle
Without the presence of the crowd
Of him, I am proud

I've never felt the melancholy of being broken hearted
I've never cried because things ended before they started
I've never had my heart shattered by a **** I once loved
I've never been preciously owned then suddenly shoved
I've never regretted wasting time for someone not worth it
I'm still a finished puzzle, never been incomplete
Feeling fortunate and desiring both at heart's beat
Craving to call someone mine and feel revocable by love
It's typical to be jealous of others ambiences
Especially if behind every sorrow is happiness
But love is an obstacle and with every obstacle is a reward
The strength to keep going and ambitiously move forward
So am I lucky, is this just a phase?
*Or is love something I've been missing out on?