We miss something we can never replace
We long for the sound of waves crashing on the shore but you're faced with the reality of piercing lights and soul ******* smoke
You long for the sweet smell of salt and the golden blonde sand, but you wake up to a lonely room 6 metres by 9 
You miss the kiss of the sun, you miss how in a second

its touch turns into a
firey passion, untamable and beautiful for that reason stand

But then you remember its why you stay inside. 
You remember that summer has gone. You remember a summer that can't be relived and refelt
I lay in bed and through the window I hear silence
No sound
No life
No sense of being or belonging
The wind no longer gushes from this far high
But its safe,
and I remind myself the warm beat I miss is but a cancer of kin, drowning the light in my soul and resulting in my ever dim

You are the him that made me feel whole, made me feel broken, made me taste pure bliss and the metallic taste of blood in my mouth all at once. Who knew that a love like this could cause more than just blatant emotional disdain? Who knew that just three words could create a heavenly happiness and then, when two unexpected words join these congregations of letters, a dagger could so easily falls straight into your chest.

At first ' I '  staggers towards you, unsure of its place: it is but the acronym of your lover and your lonely fate. However, in a heart beat, 'don't' then follows: as if it were the lifting of a dagger soon to seal it all. 'Love' then comes next, piercing your soul and 'you' continues, making sure to break your heart. And after this stabbing, this shattering of passion, happiness and content, the word 'anymore' is cocked and shot straight through your head.

Just three small words, giving the meaning to most lives, when in addition to two, has the ability to twist the knife. Love is hard, love is pain, love is beautiful when you're the one to gain. But from what I've been showed and what I have felt: love is but only a word to cover the insecurities of the world.

I read the thoughts of others; in but a line I can feel the pain. It radiates through the text, the author's intent-
It slathers through your heart, leaving nothing the same
The passion filled sadness of every word, creates an indent: the anxiety of silence that can be heard echos through your head

The stories of love, heart break and death
Register in your soul - the ache , the chasm like depth
'Someone help me- someone save me from myself" is but a plea that we ignore with the silence we speak ourselves.

the inhalation of sweet air filling our lungs
A cruel sick joke
of momentary immortality

The instability and insecurity
never became apparent
we walked as if we were Gods
drinking the wine of an endless eternity
in control of our own twisted fate

In a breath, the girl who radiated light
who had an intoxicating beauty, despite her by her scarred soul
disappeared into the ashes
leaving behind everyone she loved

In a hospital bed you lay still
feeling the hurt drift away
and then you think to yourself
"I'm getting better, finally I'll be set free."
only to realize the euphoric state is not one of destiny.
You remember that on your arm is fed
a collection of aching denial and unmade beds.

You thought you were to go
You thought your wings would soon mend and
You would taste the sky
But the taste of freedom you longed for was just a wasted line.

You're fed on a drip of danger,
caught by the rod of an impending death,
being reeled in with the promise of life;
not aware that this world is constructed of lies.

you think its helping, the morphine is spreading
but its just a delusion
The happiness is not real
You are not better.

it builds in you
poisoning your core
like a cancer spreading through your being
you feel your hair turning grey
your nails weakening and splitting
a toxin so deadly you wither away

I'll come back tomorrow
I'll join common sense and logic in the morning

Until then I will dream
indulge myself in outrageous possibility
ones that are the outest of reach
that will make my heart sing and my stomach fly

I will smile and I will laugh
I will take a walk through my mind
I'll let myself off the leash of reality
basking in the fiction of mind

until morning I will live in hopes of possibility
and once the sun rises I will be brought back
but without a second thought I will remember the blissful happiness
to take me through the actuality of day and pain

You're someone
you're everything
you are a symphony, the lead
necessary

You're beautiful
you're kind
you are the air, the trees
wanted

You're different
you're weird
you are the world, the sea
an eternity

I can see it all
laid in front of you

I can see it all
pathed behind you

You're strong
you're brave
you are more than what you think

I'm yours
I'm yours
I am yours, yours
though I know you don't need me to be

I cant do it anymore
I could before because I was aching in pain
because it hurt so much it spilled from every possible exit
through art my great sadness leaked
gushing at times, never ending
I wrote not to let anyone know
I wrote for myself
I wrote because if I tried to contain it
I wouldn't have been able to breathe
but now I can't write

I don't have the debilitating sadness anymore
and it scares me

I traded my art in turn for happiness, what does that make me?

What if my happiness is only in scale with a overwhelming sadness
its like I have to hurt
I always have to hurt
if I don't hurt then I can't be me
have I defined myself by a constant pain?

death is too easy
living is unbearable
where does that leave me
an artist without a skill
a body without a soul