You have always thought
since you were a little girl
That all you had to do
was do a pretty twirl,
and the world would fall
into your pretty lap
with your fancy silk cravat,
and your simpering sighs.

You. Make. Me. Sick.

Twirl little girl,
If you may,
To twirl and twirl another day
in your fancy house with your sparkling jewels,
they're what you call 'bargaining tools'.

Of pearl or diamond
they're not made
lasting not in the rain,
Melting sugar, simpering dew,
puddle at my feet,
adieu, adieu.

Why is it
that every time
I believe in love
it spits in my face

How is it
that I trust
and I give
and I understand
and get no respect?

"I understand,
It's okay,
It's alright,
Just don't do it next time,
uh huh,
I believe you,
this time".

And then I made a conscious
Decision
to eat my pain to fill the void
Friends don't matter
Expression devoid
of the emotion
that I thought I had
an invitation?
None to be had

Not for me
and it always
Has to be
Me. to initiate
a line of invitation
to communicate
or else I don't go
I don't get to see

the real colors of
the friends that I thought
I had next to me
I see that time is of the essence
essentially,
I am the only one left

I can hang out with my guy
and the shadows that haunt
me at night when I sleep

My guy's amazing,
but other than he
Who do I have?
Nothing but a ridiculous
Boundary
that I cannot seem to cross
They've drawn the line
and laugh at the loss

Friends, ones that I thought I had
I'm screaming,
they whisper that it's all in my head

I need smoke to clear my head,
to fog the brain that needs unclogged,
a draino of the mind,
snaking its way into my conscious
imagination

Past the gates of the unconcerned,
entering the territory of the learned
and scholarly,
stepping onto the path of resurrection,
reliving the life that was meant to pay

Sipping the juice of incarnation,
revitalizing the soul,
drawing a blank is not an option
as the red hot coal burns
through my ill-intentions

Wish that you could be here,
I'm having a bad day
the walls are closing in on me
it seems that they will

Stay

In bed, no sleep at all,
The things at night
that crawl and crawl

GO AWAY

you crazy ****,
I'm stressed
and I can't deal with it

Why won't this darkness leave me be...
It has to, right? Eventually?

Darkness, Darkness, go away,
come again...
wait, no, please don't come back.

This ache it has no reason,
no rhythm to the beat
it keeps winding me in circles
and I'm losing all my

Heat

up a bowl of that spaghetti,
left over from last night,
sit and cry away your fears
away from their sight.

Why? I feel like I'm on
a sick merry-go-round,
'Please sir, I want off now,
I can't see the ground'

'Spinning is all that I am good for,
if you want off dear,
well, I must implore...'

'Implore me to what?'
so scared and alone,
suddenly I hear a telephone

'Pick it up' says the man who's a blur,
'It could only be good news it could only be...'
'Sir? Sir?!?'

The ride is going faster,
I cannot go on,
I think I may be fainting,
'It's not that easy, hon'

'What? Hello!! Please help and stop
this crazy ride before I hurl'

The man laughs cruelly
as I twirl, and twirl and twirl

My tears slapping at my face
ricocheted off my cheeks
the horses are all staring
my knees are getting weak.

Holding to the pole,
I fall down on my knees,
Why do I have to do this,
I just want one last meal

Please make me better,
I hate this right now
Please make me
me again

'That I cannot allow,
See what I'm here for
is to keep you stuck,
rolling around
in the dirt and the muck.
To keep you off-balance,
it is my sworn duty,
it is my regret
for you are a beauty.

'You might have been nice
to marry, but my advice
is that you just sit tight
while the merry-go
Runs,
and maybe your sentence
will be expunged'.

I can't stay here
I really can't,
so I jump

And when you go into your room
at night
and no one is left for fear of a fight

And no one speaks and no one comes
to call on you when all is done

No one sees and no one cares
when you break down
They all swear
that it was all your fault,
They shouldn't need
to feel concern
while they watch you bleed

They simply pass you by
another day with another blue sky

They don't feel the pain inside
Oh woe is me, friend that won't confide
Silly, my fault for not speaking,
Who wants to speak when hostility rings?

I won't confide because you don't care
Seldom do you even dare
to pick up your head in an honest hello
or even pick your head up from the pillow

Of the couch,
Obnoxious and blue,
I sit too far away from you

To engage,
to be willing to sit
to tolerate your insipid
complaints, you ***...

I can't help that
we don't get along.
I won't be here for much too long.

That is the only comfort I have to offer,
the only penance for your coffer,
the only tidbit of advice,
I'll be gone before you know it
So deal with the dice.

Dear Diary,

Why does life seem to wrap you up in a cup of madness
then tip you out and watch you spill
the contents of yourself
onto a cold and muted tile floor?

Why, dear Diary,
does everyone expect you
to react perfectly in every situation
and robotically fix and tweak and mutate?

Diary,
I am not a machine.
I can't bend this way and that
at the same time
without breaking.

I can't smile a smile
that I don't believe.

I can't,
and I won't.

Diary,
You have so forlornly sit in the back of my mind
gathering dust and termites and grime
I can hardly speak to you at all
for my problems you cannot solve.

Just a lended ear do you offer
A lonely penance for my coffer
To spare a word a thought, some grace
to be able to pick up my forlorn face.

I look into the ***** night
so hateful and full of spite
Reprehensible rejection cease
as it knocks me to my knees.

Dear Diary,
I do plead,
Save my soul
or else I'll bleed.