I just want to hold your hand
and walk among the tall grasses and weeds
to that place that you took me before
while the wind blows up against our bodies
and we breathe and step forward in unison

The tall grasses swishing, brushing against our legs
activity of those around us humming in the background
children laughing in the pool,
birds calling to each other in the air,
the sloshing of the water against the embankment

And I look to you and all I see are those sea green eyes
Crystal blue on some days, mossy green the next
And I lose myself,
melting in those dazzling pearls of intimacy
When you look at me with them,
it feels like you see into my soul
knowing every part of me all at once

Then I look away, blushing
because your gaze is so penetrating
that I have no way to respond
without seeming foolish
because you have struck me speechless

All my feelings for you reflected
in the red glow of my cheeks,
I cannot hide from your gaze.
No. Not from you.

As you pull me on, hand in tow,
I feel like I could float like this forever
suspended in time and space,
the world outside melting away
as we dance without music

Your smile embedding itself onto my face
cozying up for a long stay,
my face starts to ache from the muscles of my mouth
not being able to relax,
but I cannot stop smiling

As you clear the ground
I watch you carefully brush away
possible bumps and uncomfortable seats
and motion for me to sit next to you
on the spot of ground you have cleared for me

I plop myself down serenely
My body folding into yours,
your arm wrapped around my shoulder
My head resting on your chest

Peaceful dreams come over me
and as we harmonize
the water becomes a bay
and the spot we have taken up becomes the dock
and as we sit upon the dock of the bay,
we watch the small ripples,
assuming they have a tide,
roll away into one another.

We sit on the dock of the bay
and waste time

The drawn anticipation
tip-toeing on the tip of my tongue
I can taste scintillating titillation
of action
of resolve

Slipping slowly into this
vastly unorganized state
of solace and  servitude

Bound by the beautifully ironic
Brush of fate that has brought me
to you

The luscious laments you utter
so lovingly
lap at my conscience
like a lap dog in the life of luxury
oblivious to anyone else's needs
but its own
as I languish the morsels lain on the
cold, wet floor

Freezing as my heart flutters
feverishly to fight the frivolous
attempts to win back the love
that frightens me now

Never doubting,
Nor noticing the imperfections
that nag at the niceties performed
eloquently in your presence

Putting my progress
on hold, while I become
less and less patient
still trying to understand
why you're still with her...

and I'm still here.
Loving you.

I've long since forgotten
the way you held me
The way you touched me

Spellbound by your caresses
My breath suspended
when you look at me
with those mossy green eyes,
that smile that melts any sadness,
any care or worry,
your soft hands,
the calluses on the tips of your fingers,
the way you smell like puppies
is even the most endearing thing about you.

The way your voice reaches my ears
and my body forgets
that there is a world outside us
The sound of your guitar
as you pick and strum away
and I refrain
from placing my quivering lips
onto yours
because I know it would be
the end of a friendship.

My feelings behind an arcane barrier

I am dearly afraid to trust you
and more so afraid
that you will abandon me
at the first sight of intimacy

I grow wary of your questions
guarding my answers,
and you catch it.
You of all people
can see past my wall.

That is really the most frustrating
thing about you:
is that you see.
You see my vulnerability,
the moment I am upset,
you ask what the matter is.

You can see it plainer on my face
than I can perceive it in my heart,
and you understand me  so well,
too well to keep this charade afloat.

So, at some point,
I assume I will have to address it,
my love for you that has no end.

Until that day though,
I will remain quiet,
cherishing the growing friendship
we have achieved once more.

This thought that refuses to leave
an unwanted raging lunatic
tearing at my soul

You are a bug
eating at my flesh
and you refuse to die
I squash you
I burn you
I spray you
and yet
I cannot sleep

Because  I know somehow
somewhere,
you will find your way back to me
and ruin my life all over again.

It used to be that when you were gone

I felt the pain
the tug of your presence missed
through the tips of my fingers

to my eyes
to my heart
to my toes
to my bones that ached
like the dull ache of a healing
broken piece of your body

My whole self
was thrown into this
wild abandon
A flurry of disjointed
waves of emotion
that never ceased
to sting and ****

Into the cold
without a coat
my feet bare
on the wet,
freezing ground

As I hug myself
there is no one around
to see, to feel,
people are present
but no one is there

They walk by with
selective sight
tunnel vision focusing
on what they must
not see,

Anything
to avert eye contact
with the freak
whose feelings
are difficult to comprehend.

I feel lost without you
sometimes.
At others I feel liberated.
Those are the times
that I do things
that I should regret,
but don't.

I refuse to regret anything
that makes me who I am
at this moment.

However,
Sometimes,
I wish I would learn
from my own messy mistakes.

Falling
for the wrong guy
is kind of my specialty.

If you would like advice
on the subject,
I'll be writing a book.

No, I won't.
Books take too long,
That's why I resort
to verse

That boy,
that man rather
I like him.
It is that plain to me.
To him, I'm not so certain.

But this turmoil in me
from you
causes me to pause.

and think.

Reaching
for the words to say
pulling them from
this black hole
of tempted misery

Tempted to call
hesitant to dial
closing the phone
in desperation

Writhing and twisting
with aches that persist
and **** with delicate intent

keys pressed to my fingers
my words flow out of me
into this medium of
electronic space

Not from my hand
do my words come from
but my mind, my pen
a useless old friend that
is neglected beside me

An overwhelming wave
of ocean sweeps over me
crashing in on my thoughts

On the cusp of a revelation!
the wave pulls back out to sea
lost in the translation of the water
mixing spitefully to muddle my
epiphany, my fleeting thought
lost in an ocean of feeling

One hand grasping onto the shore
gripping at the sandy surface
with nothing concrete to hold on to
Thrashing away while I dig myself
a hole in the sand that deepens
by the second

Digging my grave I weep,
the sand mixing with my hot tears
as they stream freely down my face
making mud

A muddy grave I am doomed
to lie in,
to be reduced to a pile of nothing
that gets washed away,
swept up in the
ocean of emotions

The only time
you take to say
I love you
is at the end of the day

Only when all else
is done
do you think to
pick up the phone
to say

"How was your day?"

Five minutes
here or there
then I'm out
to

Bear:

these wounds
that you have left behind
forgiveness I have tried to find
in my heart I cannot see
what this possibly means to me

Cold as frost
on this glass of tea
ice cubes clanking
as my eagerness
ceases

To Be:

capable of believing
your stories
they just end up
to be
tentative sorry's

What am I to do with you
in the balance
hangs a shoe

a shoe that should fit
me and you
one all-inclusive
cinderella duo

Glass slippers
and tux shoes to match
no more for the while

To Catch:

the sinister glance
of a passerby that
gets the chance

To See:

That my pain is real
that this ongoing feeling
is starting

To peel:

back these layers of true love
what lies beneath
is something gloved
with black and coarse
material, it sickens me
sometimes,
to see,
this connection so wearable

Wearing thinner and thinner
to see right through the center...
from you to me

I hope with all hope's hope
that this love will love and last
and be amazing love,
the kind that lasts forever.

But:
if the chill
refuses to leave,
then I'll have to grab my jacket
and leave,
and check out of your hotel