I am holding something,
this thing inside my hands:
It's soft, it's molded,
and it's melting
like little grains of sand
Struck by lightning
and turned into glass

Happiness blazes but
it never can last

It breaks so easily
so, fragile, so pure
with the slightest tink
its fate is ensured

Carrying it ever so carefully
as if it were gold,

Love: a golden love so pure
That my hands,
my tainted hands would surely
stain its beautiful luster

I try to keep it in my palms,
but the liquid just seeps through
It seems to have a consciousness
and I feel its feelings, its pain,
its gloom

I'm trying not to hurt it
as it hisses and burns
my hands

Scalding them as the liquid
screams in terror
that it has been altered,
tainted, unpurified

It hisses that I'm burning it
as it burns me in return
We understand each other's pain
but rendering assistance
is just too much to take

The blisters on my hands
The mangled skin,
the tears
hissing as they fall into
the molten, golden liquid
turning it a dark shade of
blue:now a puddle on the floor

Fate it seems

Controls the motion
As I glance your direction
You smile
I smile


My body seems to
Gravitate into your orbit
As it pulls me so irresistably
into the spin that brings me
closer to you

As your arms reach out
Our fingertips brush
My breath stops
Time stops

Looking up
into those eyes
that are the color of
the waves in the ocean

Feeling the radiance of warmth
provided by your smile,
your gaze,
your arms
your hands

Feeling
for the first time
since we parted
safe

Nothing can hurt me
as you hold me
I feel no pain
No remorse
as you soothe away
my fears

Only the most subtle
of motions
You know me so well--
as your hand moves
in circular motions on my back

You whisper
the words I need to hear

From you
They mean everything

Rejuvinating my senses
my awareness
my sense of life
Color returning
to my world of grey

The world returns to me
now in three dimensions
Reality, not so harsh
but with a tint of understanding

You complete my sanity
Knowing who I am
not through holding your hand
but through
how you help me percieve
to see

Taking the blindfold off
and stepping into the
blinding light
of clarity and sharp vivid
pictures

Picturing myself
with you
is what keeps me
grounded until
I see your
face again

The sour taste
of bitter company
Teeth clenched
Tongue held
to preserve the
somewhat peacful
lie of a setting

A good time
While stepping
around the eggshells
like a minefield
of emotional explosions

You know that one will explode
you just don't know when
Hoping, feeling guilty for the hope
that the explosion will avoid you
and fall onto someone else

The smell of dinner
sustained silence
small talk
strained smiles
Happy ******* Thanksgiving

I wave hello to myself
reluctantly, expectantly
but my image turns its back
Walking away
as I reach out for it
it shakes its head

I call out to it
it walks faster
Two steps away
Beside myself
with lonliness

A shadow of my former self
a dark, hollow shell
of what I remember to be

My hands unfamiliar
as I lay me down
on unfamiliar ground

The unfamiliar feel
of my palpatating *****
in my chest
the sensation of the air
grazing my body wistfully
carelessly unaware of
my state

Me

Hey You!
I turn to see my reflection
glaring at me, feiry and
passionate

It's not about you
Try looking outside of your
own scope and
listening, watching, feeling
other people's
emotions, thoughts, sensations

And maybe you'll understand
And I will return to you
and I will be able to become proud
of the individual
We
will be

And with that
I blink
and I am gone
and then engulfed
in a silence so complete
that silence itself shudders

At your will
a bend to your word
twisting and turning
all the while unheard

Silent and mindful
Slipping so sure
to fall and fall over
the timing absurd

Rendered a puppet
whose movements secure
grotesquely twist
and move all the more

Tangled and Twisted
Arms all bound up
Hands tied and jilted
Time to back up

Moving my legs
but they do not move
the control you have
is not willing to soothe

The heady headway you
seem to have had
Haven't I given enough
that I have?

Tug me this way
Sway me that
Pull me up
Push me down

This motion I can't control
I watch as you drown me
Outside of my body
as you **** me slowly

Watching as I softly fade
Cheeks flush
Tick
Tick...

Sitting in solemn silence
all around me the deafening roar
of thoughts flooding through
my mind

Heads bent over their work
as they contemplate the
significance that this will even have
ten, twenty, thirty years from now

Looking around and seeing
stress on people's faces
as they sit and wittle away
the fifty minutes of
fluid time

Twiddling their thumbs
the equivalent of me
here
writing this poem

Bland revising conversation
with an overtone of educational
******* wrapped in a blanket
of disconcerting melodrama

Whispers of unfocused chatter
and my mind wanders lazily
from one thought to the next

Conflicted as I should be writing for
another purpose
to complete an assignment
that I couldn't possibly
care less about

Oh the joys of institutionalized
education
and yet
the irony:

I want to become
a part of it
in order to remedy
its imperfections
from the inside out

Recklessly abandoned in your gaze
as you turn it back to me
As I am wrapped up in
a woven dream of intimacy

The cloth smoothing over my skin
like the scented oils that
bathe me in an intoxicating smell
of deep golden ecstacy

Moving close
so close
to the cliff of temptation
So hopelessly drawn to
the edge

I know once I step closer
I'm sure to fall in

Abating my senses
Tantalizing my mind

Teetering on the edge
Rocking on my heels
on the precipice
in my mind

Biting my lip as
I close my eyes
and Jump