Roaring in my ears,

Fire in my soul,
Deafening, all consuming, treacherous:
The violence with which my body trembles
is enough to make me want to collapse.

Every nerve in my body is raw
raw to the synapse,
down to the electrical impulse that jumps
the gap and creates
a chemical that induces
some kind of process
that I have little control over.

Happy, sad,
Lust, love,
Confusion, pain,
Pleasure, resolution:
All just chemical reactions of the brain to stimulatory catalysts.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel;
for there is no tunnel.
Yet if there was, I would be too afraid to travel through
the dark to get to that supposedly
Desirable end.

Electrical impulses that control every thought,
every feeling, taste, touch, smell and
how they have an effect on us.

Simple yet complicated beyond understanding, and yet we breathe,
Continue our lives with only the faintest idea
that we are controlled by the chemicals contained within us.

Perplexing. Deeply thought provoking. chemical producing.

Tears that stain my face, Trickle their way
down my cheek and neck,
Resting on my palpatating delapedated *****

Mending the cracks and sealing the wounds.
They stare, wonder, speculate,
let them.

Hot gazes, a flash in the pan,
A gaze to distract, to dispell
to intoxicate, to forget.
A shallow drop in a dry well of tears
Emotions like a cloud over the well,
Grey and ominous with the promise of rain

Rain rain go away,
Come again some other day,
Some other day when you won't see,
This shadow of my former me.
Tears trickle past my heart,
leaving a trail from begining to end
from my eye to my stomach.

Glistening paint that covers the holes
But does not fill them.

My stomach touched by the tears has an adverse reaction,
Does flips and kicks that would make an acrobat jealous to the core
my chest heaving with sobs of wretched,
sobering gasps of shocked air

I can't do this. I need to stop the self-destruction.
I need to regroup, regain control, and stop.
The clouds shake and thunder rumbles,
threatening to release their heavy load.

Rumble, wave after wave,
a crack of lightning,
a release, a temporary reprieve
then a following panic, confusion
as I realize I'm IN the well.
the well is not a well of tears,
but an endless wall of brick crushing me
as a constricting snake,
slowly feeding off of my life until I am no more.
As I awaken, I trace my index finger lightly across the stains,
those stains that stain my pillow, and drip black,
burning ink on my heart.

Oh what those tears could heal and tear that
I might be torn in half and sewn up again
one final time
to let it be finished.

My mind is a current of wave after wave of jumbled thoughts and mumbled words
Not knowing how to interpret, how to cope, how to breathe.

Breathe.

I Must Breathe.

Can't breathe, for there is no breath, no air to **** into my lungs, the harsh sting of water filling my lungs as I drown in my own misunderstanding. Pain and fear bind my hands and I cannot disentangle them.

My feet feel like lead a weight pulling my body down into the dark depths of the deep black abyss where my eyes that have seen little thus far, can see nothing.

Your words hold no weight, no substaniality in this impartial harsh reality of suffocation.

Gasping for air, swallowing more water...the world around me slipping away as my mind frees itself feeling lighter than the rest of my body.

floating, falling apart from the inside out, freedom on the one hand, and a saving grace on the other. both tied behind my back as i look up towards the impossible glimmering surface of the reality i cannot return to.
Help me ******. I can't do this. I can't handle this alone. Pull me out.
Rescue me. Be my hero.