We are failing
we are failing
we are failing
we are failing
we are failing
and not in the way you think
but in the way that silently creeps up on us on nights when we can't sleep for unknown reasons and stare at the light swimming past the cut in our curtains as if it would give us answers
if only we asked nicely
these decrepit halls are taking their toll on me, the walls are not supposed to be crushing me
Teen angst is not teen angst but rather the angst of being born that only catches up on us when we truly become aware of it, and is soon repressed when we realise nobody cares
four legs, two legs, two legs with a cane, or maybe just wheels
wheels turning oh so slowly, uphill, fighting against gravity,
one step forward two steps back
this is the fight of life
baby girls ******* **** for alms
baby boys with bleeding noses, blood running into the gaps between their teeth for the rush, oh the rush
This is the fight of life
and we are failing

I have been told for millenia that i need to stop being so sensitive
feel less
care less
but don't be careless
school doesn't matter but get good marks
contradictions lying in the recesses of my brain
what my mother doesn't seem to understand
is that i am forged from fire
i am not a water baby whose occasional destruction can be understood
i am not calm
i was not made to be bathed in
i am a fire you see
i burn and destroy
my giving light is a coincidence
my giving warmth is a bonus
i set the world up in flames and people covet me
i was meant for heat and light and to tarnish the gold of the oppressors
do not limit me mother
i am not the fruit of your *****
i have sprung ready made from the branches of a higher purpose
do not diminish me
i can't be made small
let me be or i will **** you
slowly
and burn your flesh with my tongue

It is a windy night and the hospital beds are all filled in my mind
with loved ones
lonely and aching in the dark
I've never seen my father cry and I never want to
My brother has regressed for the night back into childhood and is sleeping in my mother's room because she has two double beds unfilled
An empty home
An empty tower
There is so much silence I never realised was there
Usually covered up with yelling
Fighting
Usually me
Usually my father
But one of us is missing and this home has dissolved into a graveyard
I never realised I cared this much
You Know
Just the other day I stared at myself in the mirror after a crying jag and saw a red face, ugly and disappointing
I always wanted to be someone who cried delicately
Well, today I was on the phone and somehow started crying without realising it, my face did not redden and the tears looked elegant
I never want to cry like this again
If God is out there He knows I've been angry and hateful
Hating this family like a curse
Wanting out
But right now, ******* hell, right now
I just want my father home

A shell in a thunderstorm covers me
And I am warm
Protected
Listening to raindrops shatter roof tiles
Like the tapping feet of a chimney sweep
In the past
Unfurnished, bare
These cavernous rooms echo with memory
I think about the children who've grown up here and left
The hands touching these walls before mine were fully formed
My brother lies on the carpet and I see this moment as a memory in the future
Looking at his small form coloring a book that will be thrown away
I think about the future
About the children who will inherit this house and touch the walls I've touched
Smile in the rooms I've smiled in
Cry on the floors I've dropped tears on
All sensation is already memory
I'm afraid of forgetting

I fall in love with people who have your name.

Wake up you idiots
Hear the bones you forgot to stretch
creaking like a rocking chair
grinding their joints together
they smell like death
And I wonder why
When your bones will be the only thing left of you when the earth goes to bust

Look up you morons
The sky will not be blue forever
You might as well get a good long look
(Hey Mister, take a picture!  It'll last longer)

I have spent so much time telling myself to shut up that I just stopped talking
No, I forgot how to
I want to tell all those suckers who I stopped speaking for
that one day when the sky explodes
all that will be left of them will be their bones
and if they didn't take calcium
Maybe not even that
So get off your high horses

The world has dropped to its knees begging our white male dominator's to let us be
Guns swinging from your belts as money stuffs the lining of your clothing
Do not **** us, we begged you
Your power is a travesty, unfair
You would be better off sharing,I promise you
You are not worth more than I am you monster

We will not beg anymore
Because you are inhuman
un-hearted, unable to reason
More animal than animal
Demons with hell-fire in your eyes
The word loss has been shaking in my mouth for years
But the worlds collective stance means they taste it too
When genocide is permissible

Because the people you **** are not wealthy
Brown-skinned
Veiled and not passive
Because you own us, the media
our collected information
Our collective memories are worth nothing
Genocide is permissible
But ******* if you think we think so too

If you think we will go down without a fight
The history books will have your names remembered as villains
And the devil will have a special seat for you
You monsters

When genocide is permissible
I see not the end of hope
But the fury than keeps us going
You are evil
We are purity
We are loss and loss makes strength
We are dignity
Beauty
More than genocide

If I could step into the shoes of the women on this earth whose hearts are being thrown against walls by men, I would
I would shake the roots of their houses and cave them in, crushing the trauma where it happened
I would screech till my abusers ears bled from the sounds he forced out of me
Take tape and wind it round your body, over thigh, across breast, leaving holes for your mouth, ears and eyes
They can't stop you
They can't shut you down
Beautiful women who are being forced to regress from diamonds back to coal
I am with you
I am your heart and your voice
I will not leave you
We will sharpen knives together and slit the throats of the people who dare glance down our bodies,
Taking in everything but our eyes
Like a shark sniffs for blood
No predator can look it's victim in the eye as it kills it
So stare into your attackers face so he will see his emptiness reflected in your gaze
Hear his soul leave with your death rattle
Do not die in vain
Beautiful women around the world
Fight with the goddess-strength within you
Never back down
We are the portals that transport mortals into this dimension
We are the creators
We give life and we can take it away
With this kind of power who are you to give in, to submit
You are a wildfire, a storm, a tsunami
Show your true colours