We are failing
we are failing
we are failing
we are failing
we are failing
and not in the way you think
but in the way that silently creeps up on us on nights when we can't sleep for unknown reasons and stare at the light swimming past the cut in our curtains as if it would give us answers
if only we asked nicely
these decrepit halls are taking their toll on me, the walls are not supposed to be crushing me
Teen angst is not teen angst but rather the angst of being born that only catches up on us when we truly become aware of it, and is soon repressed when we realise nobody cares
four legs, two legs, two legs with a cane, or maybe just wheels
wheels turning oh so slowly, uphill, fighting against gravity,
one step forward two steps back
this is the fight of life
baby girls ******* **** for alms
baby boys with bleeding noses, blood running into the gaps between their teeth for the rush, oh the rush
This is the fight of life
and we are failing

There's this girl I love
Whose pores I could sink into when we kiss
Because she melts me from the heart out
I wish I could disappear into every crevice of her body and sink beneath her skin
Fold myself into her heartbeat
Rock to sleep with the melody of her lungs
I wish I could be her clothes and touch her every moment of the day
But at some point she'd have to wash me of her scent
So I must remain content to be a seperate organism, only passing smiles and kisses
And touches at certain moments
At least in my mind she's always there

Maybe there is love here for me
Maybe there is love
Not in the way I want to be loved
But the past 2 months have taught me a lot.
That maybe I shouldn't expect too much
Maybe I don't need to have perfection
Books as gifts and always being there
Maybe just the occasional laugh and being comfortable is enough
Maybe I'm not settling for second best
Maybe I'm being okay with being okay.
Maybe my mother and father had a love story
The kind of one you read about in novels
Maybe they were more than soulmates
I don't know why I'm using the past tense
Maybe my dad always tucking my mother in at night was enough
Maybe he didn't have to buy her flowers
Maybe him just talking to her was enough
Maybe she loving him was more than he ever wanted
Maybe bare-bones love doesn't always mean lacking
Maybe I needed to learn this
Maybe we're all enough for each other

It's hard to teach myself things sometimes
I repeat the lessons as if I were in primary school again, memorising times-tables without success, willing the numbers to form in my mind
I know I should love myself enough to get away from you,
In simplest terms, talking to you makes me hungry for more
I don't want casual banter, I want your palms to my lips and your legs wrapped around me
I want intimacy like the kind I've always been scared of, to look into your eyes without shame or fear
But I do fear
Because you don't want the same
You don't want me the way I want you, you want to unhinge my mind and let loose the secrets, to eat them like snacks
There is something wrong with you and I could help diagnose it
god knows I do it for all my friends
But you call me crazy and you make me feel hard to love and that bruises me from the inside out. I am a walking wound
I have loved others like you
People who have whittled me down into toothpicks to use once and throw away
I have let go of a lot of people like you, who make feel like I'm always dressed inappropriately even when I'm naked
But I can't learn from my mistakes
My love for you is a monster inside my chest
shrieking and clawing at you
Desperate and delusional
I know this is all going to blow up in my face but I'm going to enjoy this moment right now
when you told me you loved me for the first time

Star- bred stallions
We are made of star stuff and it's fading away dear humanity
Look at yourselves.
See the waste you are pouring back and forth from your bodies to the sea
Regurgitate
It is not boring to be alive
To see our reflections in a puddle on a rainy day, walking to school
Our lives are strings criss-crossing and attached to others oh so delicately, tangled in hard knots that sway in the wind
We are made of moonlight and sprinkles of sea-water
We are Gods with shining eyes that refuse to look down from the sun
Open your mouths and say what you mean
And mean what you say
Don't forget to look at the forests crying at how wonderful it is to be alive
It is not boring to be alive
We don't know why we're here but not everything needs a reason
The most beautiful things have no cause at all
We are the dead, our past lives have fertilised the soil that grew the plants our mothers ate
We are the lives before us
It doesn't end but it's always different
Look up
Smile

I fall in love with people who have your name.

The world has dropped to its knees begging our white male dominator's to let us be
Guns swinging from your belts as money stuffs the lining of your clothing
Do not **** us, we begged you
Your power is a travesty, unfair
You would be better off sharing,I promise you
You are not worth more than I am you monster

We will not beg anymore
Because you are inhuman
un-hearted, unable to reason
More animal than animal
Demons with hell-fire in your eyes
The word loss has been shaking in my mouth for years
But the worlds collective stance means they taste it too
When genocide is permissible

Because the people you **** are not wealthy
Brown-skinned
Veiled and not passive
Because you own us, the media
our collected information
Our collective memories are worth nothing
Genocide is permissible
But ******* if you think we think so too

If you think we will go down without a fight
The history books will have your names remembered as villains
And the devil will have a special seat for you
You monsters

When genocide is permissible
I see not the end of hope
But the fury than keeps us going
You are evil
We are purity
We are loss and loss makes strength
We are dignity
Beauty
More than genocide

If I could step into the shoes of the women on this earth whose hearts are being thrown against walls by men, I would
I would shake the roots of their houses and cave them in, crushing the trauma where it happened
I would screech till my abusers ears bled from the sounds he forced out of me
Take tape and wind it round your body, over thigh, across breast, leaving holes for your mouth, ears and eyes
They can't stop you
They can't shut you down
Beautiful women who are being forced to regress from diamonds back to coal
I am with you
I am your heart and your voice
I will not leave you
We will sharpen knives together and slit the throats of the people who dare glance down our bodies,
Taking in everything but our eyes
Like a shark sniffs for blood
No predator can look it's victim in the eye as it kills it
So stare into your attackers face so he will see his emptiness reflected in your gaze
Hear his soul leave with your death rattle
Do not die in vain
Beautiful women around the world
Fight with the goddess-strength within you
Never back down
We are the portals that transport mortals into this dimension
We are the creators
We give life and we can take it away
With this kind of power who are you to give in, to submit
You are a wildfire, a storm, a tsunami
Show your true colours