Hiding my feelings is a craft I have mastered
Steering my emotions to make people believe what they are ready to assume
Concealing even the most basic instincts
Convincing myself it’s for the best
But when no one gets to know who you really are
Life can get awfully lonely
I’m going insane trying to maintain
The sideshow distracting people from seeing myself

How disgusting is this World we live in?
Because I know I am not the only person
Keeping their thoughts from the surface
I am not dark and twisted
I am just a person looking for love
From someone who loves me back
And I don’t want people to hoot and holler for me
I’m perfectly happy with no one giving a ****
Just don’t bring your picket signs into my personal life
Because I don’t protest your love for another
I’m not attempting to do anything radical
I’m not even trying to change the World
I just want to love a man
And not be ashamed to say it

I asked the flowers “Why do you live when you know you will die?”
Eager and willing they invited me with soft fragrance.
“We don’t pretend to live in the present.”
“We don’t deny our fates.”
I waited patiently as the question had not yet been answered.
Their petals spread in enjoyment because my ponderings gave them happiness. The irony in that thought.
“We live for the weeping parent who outlived their own.”
“We live for the tiny noses pressed into us.”
“We live for those who feel they can’t for another day.”
I asked the flowers “How do you keeping giving?”
Their humble voices in unison echo
“We were born to give and so are you.”

You could learn a lot about a person by whether or not they like rollercoasters.
A dream told me that once.
So when I woke up I asked people what they thought.
I didn’t know how to decipher their answers
Until recently.
There are two types of people in this world
Those whose chaos is consistent
Their weekends are filled because they don’t have time to listen; they just have time to do.
Most of them smoke (not all) because filling their lungs is the next best thing to filling their hearts.
Patience is unbeknownst to them.
Life is always playing a game of catch up, because they move too quickly to understand
that good things come to those who wait.
They hate rollercoasters. The track doesn’t lie straight; they can handle the speed but not the turns.
Then there are those whose chaos comes in bouts.
They lead life in an endless line of day to day
They lock windows during thunderstorms
Afraid of what the sky might share
These are the ones to be cautious of.
When their hectic hits, it’s a ******* typhoon
No amount of alcohol and cigarettes can contain them.
Rollercoasters are for them, because they’ve grown used to crazy coming in twists.
They are patient souls
Life doesn’t need to prove itself to them.
They are content with short weekends and long weeks.
I don’t know if all of this is true.
Perhaps I’m deciphering it all wrong
But you could still learn a lot about a person by whether or not they like rollercoasters.
I love them.

I always told myself it was the last time.
The last love, the last loss.
You had a strong current.
Pulling me in while the waves hypnotized the walls of my heart.
I’m the fool now.
Only a silly girl makes the same mistake twice.
Or more.
I guess that makes me crazy.
I’m not going to talk to you again.
Not just for myself, but for you too.
You play the victim so well.
I’ll just leave you for the encore.
When you told me I was poison I resented you.
When I told you to go your blood boiled.
I’m going to wonder if you started liking the idea of me.
Somehow putting shackles on me gave you a sense of freedom.
You are going to ponder why I have left you so many times.
I’m going to make sure it is my last time leaving you.
You beat something too many times it dies.
I learned that through your unyielding gaze.
I don’t feel remorse.
I decided to start loving myself.
That ultimately hurt you.
I do take responsibility for my actions.
I sound cruel and crude.
**** it because it’s how I feel.
Let me go forever.
I don’t want to lead you any further through my garden mind.
I hope you find a home soon.

Never felt more at home
Or like so many people care
This is where I belong.
It’s like breathing fresh air.
Here with my sisters,
I can conquer the world.
I’m ready for anything
Bad or good, to unfold.
Side by side and hand by hand,
Accepted so fast
I finally found my place,
And friendships that will last.

Our fragile lips never touch.
Forbidden fruit.
Poisonous pain.
As you go up
              I must come
                        Down.
I gaze at your perfect reflection.
I try to linger for you.
Do not weep dear we have a job to do.
My opposite obsession.
A contrary coincidence.

My unfortunate state leaves me watching lovers-
Who could be us.  
I’m left with unresolved dreams at twilight.
You may seem dreaded by most but
I count down the stars disappearing in my presence.
I’ve never seen your rays.
Your flaming passion holding our world together
As I fall apart.
You take pieces of me with you.
Have them.
Keepsakes of our nonexistent love exchanges.

For how funny a fairytale for our children.
When the moon fell-
In love with the sun.

You Frenchman
You explorer
You harbor courage I could only dream of having
There is something burning inside of you that people around you wish for.
I’ve never met someone so in tune with the truth
So coherent with what the world is saying.
So present
You don’t believe in God
But you believe in this world.
You left because you wanted more
You came back because more was your origin
Life hands you lemons and you make something new.
You dream something big.
You transcend labels
I saw kindness in you first.
Kindergarten you let me in your club
I’ve remembered that ever since.
I remember that each day so I can find happiness in small places.
In kind words and strangers’ smiles.
Your curiosity is insatiable
You ask questions hourly so you don’t have room to stop growing.
You don’t have room to stop thinking.
You don’t have room to stop dreaming.
You believe in more than we can understand.
Your mind is extraterrestrial.
It is not well-known to think outside of yourself.
But you do.
You’re name means door keeper
It fits because you welcome others so humbly.
I could spend a day in your mind and still never fully understand you.
But that’s okay, because I’m not supposed to.
Thirteen years has taught me nothing.
Another thirteen won’t do.

Hands are paintbrushes
Intentions the colors
Splatter your soul
Remember the memories you lost in the sink
People are paintbrushes
I’ll make you my masterpiece
Never bought
Never borrowed
Stick you in my gallery mind
My heart contrasts your hues
Hands are paintbrushes
Fingertips the bristles
You can use up the red
Or dabble in blue
Whatever makes it true
Souls are paintbrushes
Leaving marks on door tops
And in white sheets
We colored the rainbow
with romantic gestures
Despaired minds are paintbrushes
Without any paint
Any voice
Never changing the black and white universe
Refusing to touch the world
You bring the brush
I’ll bring the colors
So broken paintbrushes find hope among the paintings.