the open window is a portal
to sunshine or moonlight
and freedom and cigarettes
and vagabond bearded boys
all that is only open to you
if you get up the courage
swing out, swing out, swing out
out onto the cold roof
and into the world

I breathe in warmth
and the scent of cigarette smoke
and the promise of summer
Today only brings
new-turned spring dirt
and blood in my mouth
as I bite down on my tongue
The sun warms my back
and you warm my pulse
with your gorgeous mouth
as I find constellations on
the freckles in your face

you thrill me
I hate you
kiss me
Go away
love me
leave me
kiss me again

My indecision must make you crazy

I love how you walk
especially when you come my way

Actually it’s better when you’re going
because you were here to begin with

The ***** projector screen is your eyes
your thoughts may have something to do with

That smell of smoke is
all yours and my lungs can’t steal enough

I fell for your hands
and for the way they could tell stories

And for what those stories were all about
All those past lives and past loves carried

on the waves of words
incessantly rolling off your tongue

A ghost-inhaled smoke ring stains your teeth grey
and you never told me your real name

I spend my time
drinking
writing
thinking about death
thinking about ***
licking oxycontin dust off of razor blades
and adoring that stupid beautiful boy
with every ****** up fiber of my being

All I want is a storm
one that I can get drenched in
and come running to your door
teary-eyed
and smiling,
begging you
"come play in the rain."

waking up with the carpet imprinted into my cheek
wondering where the hell the night went
wondering why I said what I said to you
whywhywhy