I try to have philosophical thoughts
And I try to cup the stars into my palms
So I can pour them down my throat
And quench my sorrows.

I try to think pretty words
And I try to write until my fingers bleed
But it turns out
These letters aren't anything special.

I try to speak love and truth
And I try to show them
What they mean to me
So they don't believe the ugly whispers of the moon.

I tried.
But it didn't work.

If fire is what must become of me,
Then let it not temperate be.
Let it light my world on fire,
Engulf all indulgent desire.
Have it set the streets ablaze
Lest I dare hope my soul be saved.
Ash will fall all around me,
As my eyes turn everything to dust I see.

You can throw your pails of water,
Sprinkle all the sand you'd like-
But you lit this match years ago,
And now burning is all I know.

I should have known better than to befriend.
Your trickery is now failing, my dear.
Now, I promise, I try not to offend.

My heart is not, never was, yours to bend
In my nightmares, not dreams, you now appear
I should have known better than to befriend

I know one day you’ll come to your grim end
Lovely face, ruined by your constant sneer…
Now I promise, I try not to offend

Mistakenly trusting until the end,
And look at my price, all of these tears
I should have known better than to befriend

Your character, I’ll never recommend
Your ignorance not lessened by the years
Now I promise, I’ve tried not to offend

Why so trying for you to comprehend?
A bitter enemy, I’m one to fear.
I should have known better than to befriend
And I promise, I lied ‘not to offend.’

I'm distracted
I'm lost
I'm broken and battered and worn

I don't know where to go
Don't know who to turn to
I know no one cares
But I need someone to know

My faith has been fading
My life keeps unraveling

Those dreams I once had
To fly away, nap on the clouds
Those dreams we all had
Fueled by that folly thing called Hope

My pencil on a blank page
My canvas still painted white
Inspiration is just a term we use
     when we learn something new about ourselves.

     But I breathe in ignorance

My faith keeps fading
My life keeps unraveling
A spool of yarn re-wound too many times

My heart is tired
My limbs are weak
I'm barely here anymore

Prayer was formerly my reminder
     I was never alone
But now the words just bounce around
     In my head

Forgotten when out of sight
Ignored in presence
I guess I make a better window than a door

My faith keeps fading
My life keeps unraveling
A puller on a sweater
     Caught on something by fault only of its own

It knows it messed up
Ruined the whole thing
That piece of thread
     Just wants to be part of something special

But for everything else to be okay
     It knows it needs to be snipped.

And now my heart 

Is breaking once again,

For the one who was my love,

The boy that was my best friend.

I bared to you my soul,

Let you glimpse the shadows 

That dwell beneath my eyes.

I threw to you every ounce 

Of love I’d ever known, 

Hoping to show you the man 

That I saw in you;

Hoping my love could ease the ache.

I didn’t want to fix you, no. 

I just wanted to help you believe 

That you never needed any fixing.

I saw you. 

And I wanted you to see me. 

And perhaps for a moment in time,

I believed you did.
I believed we had the world.

I believed we were each other’s future.

It was never my intention 

To overwhelm 

Or overcrowd

Or overthink

And when I stretched out 

My hand to you, 

You silently withdrew.

You crawled back into yourself
Back into your shadows 

The shadows so much 

Like my own.

I know those shadows so well
And darling,
I’m scared for you

I’m scared the shadows 

Will take you from me
I’m scared they already have.

So now my heart is breaking 

Painfully slow, 

But it’s all happening too fast.

You made me believe

In beauty 

In miracles 

In myself.

So maybe my love is selfish 

Maybe it was never meant to be 
Perhaps the hope was always folly 

And maybe you never needed me 

As much as I needed you.

I’m scared of the shadows. 

I’m scared of what they’ll do to you,

Scared of what they’ve already done.
Don’t let them extinguish your light, 

My love. 

Don’t let them take that.

My heart is breaking 

Because you can’t tell me 

That you still want me.


I won’t hold you captive
If you tell me you don't want this.

But promise me you’ll shine 

Shine so bright that you scare that

Which has caused so much fear 

In those like yourself and I.
Shine so bright the shadows run away 

Shine with your smile, 

And with your kind eyes. 

Shine with compliments 

And with an open mind.
Shine by letting them know

That you are not afraid anymore.

I’d like to hold your hand while you shine.

But if you’d rather say goodbye, 

Let us part friends. 

No tears and no lies. 

But with hopeful expressions, 

And happy memories.

We called it love, 

And I’d like to think

That’s what it’s been.
You bared to me your soul,

You showed me 

Your shadows.

And now my heart 

Is breaking once again, 

For the one who was my love,

The boy that was my best friend.

This is madness;
Surrender- Falling, screaming.
Time blurs and
Past becomes possessive and
I don’t know how much more I can take.

Lost and Empty and
Hollow and Hopeless but
Still breathing dead air.
Why?

Because someone said
A savior lives.
Because someone said
He lives to forgive.

So now I am simply left wondering;
Why?

It didn’t happen like in a poem.
It wasn’t pretty
Or whimsical
Or like autumn leaves.

It didn’t happen like the chorus of your favorite song.
It didn’t make us dance
Or build up tears behind our eyes
Or fill us with constant laughter.

It wasn’t like what they made us expect.
It wasn’t sunlight
Or starlight
Or anything else exceptionally bright.

It just was. We just were.
Warm, safe, wonderful-
Even after the butterflies faded.
Long nights, after long days
Growing, together.
It wasn’t what we thought, but it was right.
It was love as it should be,
And it was divine.

To me you are the air
In my lungs and  
The stones under
My feet.

You put the stars
In my sky and you
Drew those beautiful clouds
(For me).

To me you are
Daylight and darkness;
A paradox I’m in the middle
Of trying to figure out.

You fabricate the blades of grass
From your dreams
And you
Sing the breeze.

You are my person-
You are my love-
You are my hope-
You are my daydream-

You are my too much.
And because of you
All else
Is nothing.