Flip the page
and write again
the story has yet
to find its end.

Turn the clocks
and save the bell,
there are many things
we are yet to tell.

Make those lists,
and keep them long,
they'll soon be forgotten,
we are not that strong.

Wish, dream, commit,
don't hold yourself back
may be you'll disappoint,
but yourself some slack.

There is magic in the air,
in every clink and cheer,
there is no room to despair
when it is a happy new year!

Buzzzzz! It rang,
loud and shrill,
startling me from that
comfortable sleep-phase;
where everything is half-done,
and you're not fully numb
to the prods and distant noises.

Chasing this time table
that has been planned for me,
each day has an agenda,
and each decade gives me a story;
unmet deadlines, lost promises,
commitments and buckets-lists
an archived dream.

Slipping on shoes,
as the door hits my back,
walk into a day a dislike,
a place that leaves me forlorn;
no amount of fairy lights
or frames on the wall can
make a house feel like home.

And buzzzz! it rang again,
jerking me awake,
harsh light of a new sun
slicing through the cold day;
no ego to salvage or pride to soothe,
another the chance to start over,
that was all it took.

Like the rising sun,
the silver lining the clouds,
the break of dawn
after a storm,
it's been compared to it all.
I've had three decades
of lessons in hope.

Years one to ten;
as defining as they could be,
these were the years I felt
the most powerful and free.
I left strong impressions
on all walls and windows
where I banged my head
and thumped my hands
I yelled, screamed and bellowed
My anger and frustration
Of having always been left behind
And the constant wait for my
Parents to pay me any mind.
There were countless fascinations
Like pens, books and TV,
When boys could be friends
And nobody would look twice
When I had short hair and ***** hands
And didn't act like a good girl,
Meek and comely.


Years eleven to twenty
was like a roundhouse kick
left my heaving and breathless
and it behaved like a *****.
I'd paint it all in black,
Which I more through most of it,
Angsty, brooding and dark,
lost, empty and afraid,
I discovered parts of me
That never before existed
And I climbed that *****  of esteem
After picking myself up from the pit.

Years twenty one to thirty
shaped the way I think today
made me feel secure in my skin
naked, scarred and less afraid.
I thought my self the master
Having now conquered it all
Work, travel and money,
I was so focused on soaring high
I was not prepared for the fall.
And fall I did, so hard,
I shattered all illusions
Of love, friendship and family
dreams and masked delusions.

Three decades I've lived
and the fourth I have begun
I've felt the entire spectrum of emotion
Transcnded them all but one.
That deep yearning I feel
Is my last nugget of hope,
Fall mindlessly in love
And be loved in return,
The sole wish I now hold.
And till I hit age forty
Hopeful I'll remain,
For I banged my hands,
and got my way,
Tried other colors
Moved away from black,
Grew my hair long
Left home as a little girl,
I grew up and came back.
I did the impossible,
Or what I had so deemed,
So the lessons in hope continue
And the rest is now to be seen..

It doesn't take much
for a smile to turn mocking,
or much time for betrayal
to come knocking,
or much effort for trust to slay
and dig up past mistakes.
It doesn't take much
for friendships to sour,
for the bell to chime and
ring the end to happy hour.
It doesn't take much at all
for memories to be mistaken
and for all those severed ties
to be called all but forsaken.

You don't hear
the shrill screams
inside my head,
or hear the broken music
box I haven't set aside.
You don't see the shadows
flit pass my walls,
or bear the pinch of
broken dreams under your feet.

You only know of the colors
I wear on my sleeve,
and the aches I confess
of the things that keep me
from sleep.

You only tell me
what I must, should and can,
without knowing the doors
I pray will remain closed behind.

You only see the smoked mirrors
I show you, because some
truths are kept from you,
And I'm kept distant,
from you.

I used to fear
things I did not know
feelings, people, places
cravings I buried low.

Kept away from the path
coaxing me to try a change
making me believe that different
may not mean so do away.

Resisted I did, defiantly
kept walking the path I chose
every stumble re-affirming
every loss a lesson, every victory a rose.

Trampled ******* misgivings
which clutched hard like roots
making me watch before I step
sifting fallicirs from truth.

Faced my fears I did anyway,
all the paths lead to one end,
armed by the scars of my journey,
experience, now my only defense.

Settle slowly in this time
with feelings, people and places new
peel away layers deep in my mind
and accept, I never had a clue.

Look to the night sky
and watch the stars tell you
about me,
draw the moon out,
and I promise, I'll believe.

When the wind rustles,
look up and pay attention
to the leaves,
that's me trying to tell you
my story.

In those balmy sunny noons
glance at your shadow
twirling along,
an arm clutching your shirt
is how ,to you, I will belong.

When the winter fire crackles,
turn your head and watch,
the flames sway,
the heat that crawls up my spine
will keep the cold at bay.

In the garden of quiet,
sit down in the sea of flowers
and think of us,
the spray of my perfume
will then be found enough.

When the dark spreads
and the dreams beckon,
make haste,
through every waking moment
to see you again, I'll wait.