Whether our meeting lasts long or short, I am happy to have you back as someone new in my life. But I don't have to laugh to appear pleased, right? My face looked like a boring biscuit. I wasn't really excited because this wasn't anything new; in fact, I felt typical. I feel comfortable writing this since I know you understand how I feel, and I don't need to lie to anyone. However, all I wanted to do was sit still and say nothing. You constantly arrive at the wrong moment, so it appears to be too late, even when it isn't.
I am aware that things don't seem to be going well, but you have to know me to feel the same way I do. It may seem that I am losing my ability to maintain my ground, but I will never be able to express it in words. You try so hard to please me all the time, and it shows! I mean, I was pretty happy with the two of us sitting in the car, drinking almost-stale beer from a can. I have to pretend that I'm not aware of your message notification since I get too excited when I'm with you.
I promise that none of the "I miss you"s or calls to get some ramen on a chilly Jakarta night will occur again. I no longer want it, and it's all in our heads. It's a recurring tendency, and I won't argue otherwise. I assure you that everything is scheduled appropriately. We're out of time, too. It won't deter you from asking one another to validate your feelings, in my opinion. I have nothing left to conceal, and I will always be open and honest about my true feelings on anything. I normally don't hide, so it's easy to find me. I still don't get us.
You're the one, I never would have imagined. But you are a blessing to me. Please understand that even though it could seem self-serving, I prioritize your needs over mine. It's hard to understand, but you will soon get the hang of it. You have to understand why I am not the person I used to be, and why neither of us is the person we once were. Or have we really been like this for a long time? I can never feel the same way about someone else after you, even though I don't want you.
Perhaps my message from four years ago still holds true. My life has already been taken by time. You are free to come up to me, openly strike me, and swear at me. I don't mind at all. All of these indicators have no meaning. I wanted to draw your attention to the past wounds that you will never completely recover from. As much as I would like to forget everything, I hope you will be able to forget me.
There won't be another opportunity, or I'll purposefully miss it this time. "Why" is not even something to ask; you don't even need to think about it. I'm your old friend, even though you will regret it for the next fifty years because we once loved each other. Have you not noticed why we never seem to be able to accomplish what we desire? Keeping in mind that all of this was first only a wish.
Even if we only live in memories, you might remember me as the person you once dreamed of, and I might remember you as the person I once dreamed of. Your unsaid words will live on in me forever. Whether you know it or not, I wrote a lot about you in the past, but I deleted it so that no one could see it. Yes, just like this one, your presence will be limited to a text.
I could not stop writing if I were to describe everything you have done for me since you arrived. But you really make me feel hot. Makes me feel things that are hard for me to convey, including happiness, despair, rage, uncertainty, and emptiness. No matter what, I truly appreciate that you haven't forgotten me. But we have to eventually. I genuinely hope you succeed in your endeavors; it is unrelated to me.
You'll always be remembered as the one who introduced me to the concept of profound love, if I can ever forget you. I can't handle its force carelessly; it makes me cry and go silent for a while, worrying about how things will turn out in the end.
Yes, I was merely feeling love for the first time in my life at that point, and I had no idea how long this connection would stay. Going back to the first point, you still need to be strong because I still care about how you're doing. I will still leave you. Setting up a scene from a movie is not my aim. I'm focused on you. Even on that night when my pulse was racing, I had to send the most excruciating message to make you get drunk since you were too depressed.
Do you really think you know everything now? You must try to break this thread as well; it is not acceptable for me to pull it alone. I hope we won't have to stay here forever.