never again will i see the day
that you come running when i call.
deep in your eyes its become so grey.
all the blackness of your soul, i see it all.
i'll never again be held in your arms.
all your compassion is dead.
this newfound ignorance is doing much harm,
but youve planted a seed within my head.
i cant turn away, i cannot evade
this torture and ill deceit.
with everything between us, everything weve made,
in the end i'll still fall at your feet.
over and over i succumb to your spell.
im foolish for sticking around.
you know for you i'd put myself through hell
just waiting to be found.
whenever i find myself semi-free
you creep into my mind.
it never fails, you'll always haunt me.
and my sanity i will never find.
you unleash these empty charms on me
to draw me in and entice.
but everything good i feel comes with a fee.
i am never to be sufficed.
realization is too late now,
im already gone beyond repair.
but i have to get away somehow.
this one-sided love just isnt fair.

I need to tell you I love you
But the courage just isn’t there
Your name repeating in my head
This feeling I cannot bare

How can I forever hide my face
When inside I’m crying out
For your attention & affection
I still can’t help but doubt

I wipe away my tears
No one knows I’ve cried
I say that I’m okay
Know one knows that I have lied.

The pain I feel inside my heart
The longing for you and I
Twisting me until I break
allowing life to pass me by

I need my feelings to be returned
Before my time is through
And everything comes down to this
All I want is you.

everything is turning black.
as of now I cant turn back.
there is no incline from this place.
I must look down into death's face
I’m slowly dying from the inside out
my fate killing me, no doubt
everyone in my presence is fading
i feel like I am suffocating
never will I evade these thoughts
my negative ways leaving me distraught

Never again will I see your face
and see it as something I miss
The next time your voice speaks to me,
I will no longer hear it as bliss
every time I think of you now,
it all just fades to black
Any memory of happiness is forgotten.
it didnt mean anything. I will never look back.
I've lost all confidence and hope in you,
didn't know that was possible till now
No pity or love is left for you,
only hatred is what my heart will allow
Your dependence on lies amuses me,
you have mercy for no one
This time the line has been crossed,
there is nothing you can outrun
You no longer have my support,
because to me you've given up
There's no way you can get out of it now.
I'll laugh when your life's blown-up
Never think I'm still by your side.
just feel lucky for my minuscule amount of care
You don't even know about how I feel.
and to find out….you're too scared.

anger. envy.
taking the best of me.
broken. hearted.
don't want to be parted.
pain. sorrow.
afraid of tomorrow.
love you. need you.
chances so few.
empty. longing.
death im prolonging.
ticking. tocking.
the clock, it is mocking.
screaming. falling.
my demons are calling.
laughing. hating.
the demons are waiting.
hoping craving.
i truly need saving.
but break me. condemn me.
i am deserving.

Tissue paper in rough hands
Eggshells under feet
Wings of a moth or butterfly
Skin of a newborn baby
brittle sand dollars
Feeble legs of a calf
Delicate flower petals
Frail hearts
unstable emotions
Faint breath
Time crumbling
Words, bones, state of mind …love
Fragile.
*She is fragile.

Tired of hearing your lies
Tired of dying inside.
When the piece of my heart you own is missing.
Broken & bleeding,
Pulse barely beating.
Attempting to reach you &hopelessly; listening..
For some kind of voice,
A simple response
Just to see if you still remember.
Desperately trying
To keep your attention
I want to let go but I’ll never surrender.
Your new world & everyone in it
I feel so left out of it all
Gone for so long
I try to hold on
Neglected & lonely I fall
You may not have a clue
I still love & care for you
Even though you never by my side
You’ll forever be lonely
Because you don’t know me
Never say you do..
It would be a lie

laying in that bed,
that scorching, pernicious cradle,
waiting for wrongs to pass.
omnipresent voices echo in her head,
playing in the shadows and
taunting her every thought.
there she dwells, mourning the
years of silence that are finally taking their toll.
tossing, turning, struggling to breathe,
she prays for a bearable lullaby,
one that never appears.
in the air is the bay of the broken,
silent weeping is all that is heard.
she twitches, she tenses,
keeping her composure at a level of malignancy.
all she wants is peace,
all that comes forth is disaster.
so she sinks further into her sheets,
into comatose, where at least her mind can run.
horrified, restless, stuck.
insomniatic.

she says she's fine
and she swears one more time
to him that she hasn't lied

but with words unspoken
she's completely broken
she's smiling, but dying inside

this isnt real.
it cant be.
happy things in life i cant see.
im lost in Oz without my toto.
now lifes a record deal i cant make solo.
mental stability is scarce.
i feel like a soulless shell.
i might be better off
if i was shot straight to hell.
my hearts not in my chest anymore.
from me its been ripped.
my soul is like a pitcher of sorrows
and it had finally tipped.
if i see a knife, i'll cut.
if i see a cliff, i'll leap.
tie a weight to my foot and jump in the ocean,
whichever one is cheap.
i just cant dwell anymore.
not in this place.
im trying to escape the memories, the pain.
but im epically losing the chase.

i know that things change and people move on
to what is convenient for them
but why am i always the one left behind
always the one condemned
all good things must end sometime
nothing can stay gold forever
diamonds lose shine, love disappears
it seems nothing can get better
i dont want to mope for the rest of my life
that is not what im meant to do
but i just cant achieve one speck of redemption
i guess the fact that im defective is true
my heart changes hands everyday
because i never know who to rely on
maybe i shouldn't trust unknowing hands
when im loving my judgment is long gone
protecting myself is difficult
when im wearing my heart on my sleeve
and when it gets broken its all my fault
but i can't do anything but grieve
trying to dive into love unprepared
is something so stupid to do
it cannot be successful when i try to succeed
thats something i always knew
but i try and try like im desperate
but im not, i just want to be loved
am i blind or am i just broken?
is it my own confidence i've shoved?

her insecurities strangle her.
always afraid of disappointing someone else.
when she could never see her perfection.

everything she wants, unreachable.
her life forcing her to bend & break.
broken, there she lies.

a single heartbeat.
the only thing keeping her alive.
she tries to get a grasp on the rest of her life.

the mystery.
of where things will be tomorrow.
taunt her mind constantly.

finally, when happiness is found.
the concern of it all ending.
again, taunts her.

all things that are beautiful.
are held inside her.
oblivious to what she possesses.

the love she refuses to receive.
could save her life.
but she doesn’t believe anyone could love her.

Sometimes I feel joy.
Sometimes I feel pain.
It’s now in life I wonder
how to play the game.
I hate waiting for
all these things to change,
but I don’t think,
in any way,
things will ever be the same.
I know my wounds are healing
but I will always have these scars.
I have forgiven
but I wont forget,
on my own I have gotten so far.
I am comparable to the mourning dove
for the loss of my ignorant past.
I was trapped within my own safe house,
but I knew it wouldn’t last.
I once was sheltered
in a culture
all packed full of lies.
I thought I had to follow a stereotype
but I didn’t know otherwise.
I’m here now in reality
slightly shocked of how things are.
My emotions are spilling over the edge
and this realness seems bizarre.

she comes across so happy
when shes really empty inside
life eats away at her everyday
but never does she cry

life sometimes seems so charming
like maybe it will improve
but once her heart becomes exposed
its everything she will lose

for it all she takes the blame
every time it gets worse
with all the love that disappears
it would seem she has a curse

when it comes to help she wont take it
she believes that its giving in
weakness is not an option for her
it cannot get under her skin

maybe life is overrated
but she'll never really live until she believes
that theres always a landing after the fall
& the pain will eventually ease

My heart beats to the rhythm of the ballad of the century.
It matches yours, with the resonance of a thousand hearts,
pumping blood ferociously through my body.
Your hands make mine shake,
with the magnitude of the strongest earthquake.
They produce an irresistable melody when you trace my every pattern.
Your eyes belt out a secret bridge,
one that could outwit any prodigy.
It sings of a smoldering inside of you, with the intensity of many suns,
and it sets me on fire.
Your lips whisper sweet, absolute nothings,
but the real lyrics are written in your movement.
I can only listen with my body,
mocking your moves,
trying to keep up.
trying to interpret the meaning.
With the percussion of your heart,
the notes your hands play,
the private verse that echoes from your eyes,
the words your body screams at me..
you create beautiful music.
Music that is nothing less than pure feeling.
I have fallen in love with your talent,
with our harmony and soul..
so sing to me, let's make music.
**play for me my favorite song.

we are bound by crepe paper chains
and fooled into thinking they're steel.
and we allow these things to hold us back,
and prevent us from really knowing how to feel.
happiness is in the distance
when it could be at our feet.
we struggle with these paper chains,
then foolishly face defeat.
our personal view is distorted,
with a vision so blind to our light.
we constantly live with a beauty unseen,
keeping our souls from taking flight.
whenever we try to stay built
we end up being nothing but broken.
bottled up, these feelings burn the mind,
but we keep them with struggles unspoken.

that bottle has an infectious effect.
from your hand, to your heart, to your ****.
why go for the girl you truly care about
when you could just take your pick?

why resort to actual intimacy
when you could just fake it?
why keep my heart perfectly in tact
when you could so easily break it?

my insides are twisted & shriveled to dust
but thats something i would never show.
i'll only cry if you will.
but if you did i would never know.

you think not, you care not, you love not.
and you see not what goes on in a heart.
your sickening desires leave you oblivious
and us greatly torn apart.

Just give in, just let go.
If you never try you'll NEVER know.
God, I can feel the heat from your eyes
burn through my body like lightening in disguise.
The fire in your stare could extinguish the tide,
but I cannot define the embers inside.
Your emotions smolder just past your face
making my heart beat a dangerous pace.
You come and go quickly
but don't escape my mind.
A trace of me inside your head is all I want to find.
When the sunshine makes its big debut
the first thing in my thoughts is you.
When the sun departs so dark and cold
you are the only one I want to hold.
Every small second is a constant yearn
to look in your eyes and feel the burn.
I'm no stranger to heaven, I know it well.
It exists in your eyes and it's hot as hell.

I will never, EVER give you respect
at least not in my thoughts
you've stripped away my confidence
…left me weak and distraught

i guess im not near good enough
to ever compare to them
im not worthy, in your eyes, to receive praise
Instead it’s me you condemn

Ive been used and betrayed by the one and only you
While completely oblivious to my cries
When you were making all those promises
You were really just feeding me pretty lies.

Your excuse for your behavior is a ****** one
It would seem that’s your way of “easing the pain”
When really you’re just a heartless vessel
And that’s just how you play the game.

If that’s how you want to live you’re life,
In a giant game of pleasure & heartbreak
Then honey, please count me out
Because you’re already part of my biggest mistake.

I'm sick.
Sick of wishing. Of loving. Of praying.
Sick of falling every time I climb.
Sick of bleeding out everything I have to get your attention.
I'm tired.
Tired of faking enthusiasm just so you think I'm happy.
Tired of crawling out of bed every morning
knowing today's not my day, and my chance will never come.
I'm done.
Done with love. Done with you.
Done fighting with my heart. It's gotten me absolutely nowhere.
And I'm done standing still.
I'm not.
Not looking back at a world that once existed just for us.
It's burned to the ground now. And it will never exist again.
It sickens me to say, that era is over.
And I'm moving on with all I have.
This time it's my choice.
You no longer control me.
I'm armed and ready to face
attack.
My heart and soul have been shielded
by an aware mind.
Think I'm still blind?
Come at me...see if I cave.
I guarantee you will be let down
by false weakness on my part.

They are attacking.
They are stripping me of all my rights,
and bringing to the surface all my wrongs.
The things I do go unnoticed, unless they are mistakes.
They falsify accusations towards me, assuming things they could not know unless they were me,
unless they were in my mind.
I wish to be neutral in a war they choose to fight with me.
I have no choice.
If I do not fight, I will never be heard.

you used to be my favorite song,
what i always loved to hear.
now you're just a broken chord
fading from my ear.

once you were my favorite color,
as bright as they can come.
your pigment has reduced to dullness,
now to the darkness i succumb.

you used to be my favorite place
to sit and rest a while.
i am left with nowhere else to go
that even inspires a real smile.

once you were my present day
that nothing else could shatter.
now you are a simple memory
that doesn't really matter.

you were the perfect puzzle piece
that intertwined with me.
someone tore our puzzle apart
and forced themself where i should be..