a boy once told me he could feel my energies
and i asked him how that worked
and he said it was impossible to explain
since then I've been thinking of things that are impossible or impossible to explain
like the way teenage girls obsess over trying to get boys to fall in love with them or even just short bursts of favoritism from them rather than trying to find their way around the forest of little Yggdrasils that make up their own dispairing minds
or the way that stars and angels fall from their perches in the heavens (on accident (or on purpose)) and not many are able to see them for what they are (it's nigh inhuman to see someone for what they are) and how those same people who can peer into their heart of hearts seem to still fall in love with them (those dying stars, fallen angels, risen demons, broken supernaturalities) and their obvious failure at being what they were born to be (yes, there is such thing as failing at being what you are, many fail at being human (truly or at least believe they have) everyday, and as one of the the lowest on the echelon the only place we have left to turn to is death)
a boy once told me he could feel my energies
and i wont ask him how that could be true anymore
because i know it's impossible to explain but not impossible to do
because now i think of things that are thought of as impossible by all (by the majority of the sentient beings in this realm)
and i realize that there are many girls who have already conquered their mind forests but have determined that they are not brave enough to venture any further into the darker places so they turn to building gates of lust and ultimately building a castle of love to take refuge in and also that there is only this brief period of time between childhood and adulthood that the darkness pulls many in and forces them to explore and many are lucky to escape and only some fall fate to their more eldritch thoughts and decide to explore and few truly embrace it
and i realize that some people fall into broken, brittle love with a fallen angel or any exiled supernatural despite the fact that they have failed in everything that they were born to do and forced to live in this new reality, this ugly humanity. these people who are burdened with realizing that their new love will be unrequited and that their new love is not as new as they want to believe. it's as old as spacetime itself- lowly creatures falling for higher creatures that are just as low.
just like the boy who once told me that he could feel my energies
(and his fallen angel and his giving up of his soulheart to be hers if only for the while that it takes her to regrow her wings (i realized he wasn't focused on building castles of anything, but maybe a tower for her to lift off from, even if it meant she left him, she would be free (and he would follow her to freedom, i believe)))
just like how I'm trapped in the dead middle of my own mind trying to figure out whether i want to escape inward into the beautiful crumbling dark that awaits me or back out into the world where nobody will care that i returned from my own internality (because so did many of them (none of us are as special as we want to believe we are))
impossibility is impossible.
for Quis; idk; tentative title